DH body like an old man

[Coddledhaddock]

I kind of know I am BU but I also can’t help it.

Met my DH 20 years ago and he was chubby, but then over the years grew to be very much overweight. I never had an issue with this, still found him attractive etc, although he always did have an issue with his weight and the way he looked, so would try fad diets, gym memberships (although he paid monthly and rarely went), but nothing worked, he got bigger if anything.

For about 1.5 years now he’s been doing the weight loss jabs and has lost a whole heap of weight. He’s much happier with his current weight, but I can’t help but think his appearance now is just really unattractive. I know how bad that sounds, and facially he’s still attractive (just as good looking but much thinner and TBH looks quite ill)…it’s his body. I’m not exaggerating when I say he looks like an 80-90 year old man. He’s 45.
He’s got a lot of excess skin which is sagging and wrinkly, but then he’s also incredibly boney. From the neck down he really does look double his age.
As I say, he’s happy, and I’m pleased that he is, but (sorry TMI) having sex with him isn’t only weird because it’s like he’s a different person, but also I can’t help thinking it feels like I’m having sex with a very old man, and that just feels, well it’s not a nice thought TBH

I am very aware my body has changed over the years due to age, babies etc, so I know I probably am BU but obviously I can’t say these things I’m thinking to him or even out loud to anyone else, so I guess MN is just my sounding board this afternoon!

At the beginning DH had an upset stomach with red meat. He doesn't now though. I think a visit to the GP is warranted.

How high a dose is he on?

It’s nothing to do with the jabs. It’s losing such an enormous about of weight - especially after age 35. The body can only bounce back so far.

But yes it doesn’t sound as though he is eating healthily. He needs to be careful he doesn’t give himself osteoporosis

Thank you for that. I didn't misunderstand as I am saying exactly what she said. Whether she meant "target" in the sense the drug identifies muscle/fat, or in the sense that its usage had the effect of getting rid of both equally makes little practical difference.

You're welcome.

It's a typical side effect of losing weight fast. The skin needs time to shrink. WLIs also cause a lot of lean muscle wastage. Much better to lift weights and control diet.

Is this standard for WLI? Together with the loss of muscle, is it healthier than being fat?

Sounds like he needs to see the doctor.

No it’s not standard. It’s a noted possible side effect but most people would reduce their dosage if so adversely affected.

No it's not at all standard. You might get a bit of this at the start and on going up a dose, but not as a standard response. It's alarming and unusual to me, as someone who has been on Mounjaro for over 2 years with no side effects since the first 3 months.

How much weight has he lost overall? It must be quite considerable. It’s perfectly normal unfortunately to lose sexual attraction to a partner if they gain or lose a lot of weight. Don’t feel like you’re a bad person because of it.

I hear you! Sometimes it just needs to be said doesn’t it!

Well, you could choose to take it that way, or you could realise that some people might be sharing their personal experience of perimenopause - eg that fluctuating hormones makes some people temporarily less interested in sex.

what a ridiculous comment. Diet and exercise alone does nothing for some people, thats why WLI injection use is really common.

The obsession with looks over health is concerning. I do feel like theres an element of jealousy when people cant just be happy that somebody is healthier.

Oh piss off.

Theres a bunch of these on MN, any mental gymnastics they can do to neg WLI.

Agree, I lost 3 stone over a year, so slowly, using calorie deficit and exercise. I have loose skin and lots of jiggly bits, regardless. I couldn't have the WLI drugs, and it has been bloody hard work. You do the method that suits you best.

I was actually saying that some people need the blood sugar regulation aspect these drugs provide in order to lose weight, they cant do it with diet and exercise alone. But I am glad to hear that you have had success!

That’s sad for him but at least he’s a healthy weight,

I know seven people in my circle on the meds, not counting me, and all look fantastic bar one, also male.

he has lost 8 stone and never worked out, he looks so so much older, his face is heavily saggy and his body looks frail and well saggy, even through his clothes. The rest, a mix of men and women, all look so healthy, but they lost weight in a healthy manner, and worked out.

sometimes peiple focus on the number on the scales, rather than a healthy diet and retaining muscle and as I’ve often posted on here, if you do this, you won’t like what you see when you hit goal , you will look like a melted candle.

its nothing to do with the medication of course, had he lost the same weight without he’d still look the same, it’s losing weight in an unhealthy manner and not prioritising muscle retention ,

I really would try to get him now to get into body recomp, but it will be very difficult to reverse the damage he’s caused himself, both my gaining in thr first place and then not doing as recommended when losing,

Thank you for the kind comment ♥️. I agree which is why I'm saying everyone should do it the way that suits them. I would have done it but unfortunately I couldn't due to a separate medical issue.

This has nothing to do with the jabs. My MIL’s weight fluctuates (although I never would have considered her particularly overweight). She goes through phases of working harder to lose some weight, even though it comes of slowly when she gets to the goal which is around the right weight for her height, she always looks a lot older than she is. My dad also lost a lot of weight over a relatively long period of time and it aged him about 10 years.

As I've posted elsewhere, I lost 3 stone in a year - slowly. Calorie deficit, exercise (including weights) and bodyweight stuff. Healthy diet plus recording protein, fat and carb macros as a focus.
Yet I have plenty wobbly and jiggly bits, loose skin. But I disguise it carefully and use shapewear. Just because you can't see it in your other circle of weight loss friends, doesn't mean it's not there.
Is your "friend' aware of your thoughts about him?

I’ve been on holiday with my friends, I’ve seen the men in trunks I’ve seen the women in their underwear and bikinis, I can assure you nothing is disguised, I would not have made the statement if I didn’t know for sure,

A male friend has done the jabs. Working out, cycling walking. His body looks okay. But his face. How do you avoid that loose skin, Turkey flaps. I don't know if plastic surgery would help or you just hide the mirror.

You don't avoid it. The damage has already happened - the weight loss just reveals it. It's down to age, genetics and any prior skin damage. Of course plastic surgery would help if your friend wanted to do that. He may just be really happy to be a healthy weight and no longer be at risk of a large variety of serious health issues. And enjoying his increased fitness.