DH body like an old man

[Coddledhaddock]

I kind of know I am BU but I also can’t help it.

Met my DH 20 years ago and he was chubby, but then over the years grew to be very much overweight. I never had an issue with this, still found him attractive etc, although he always did have an issue with his weight and the way he looked, so would try fad diets, gym memberships (although he paid monthly and rarely went), but nothing worked, he got bigger if anything.

For about 1.5 years now he’s been doing the weight loss jabs and has lost a whole heap of weight. He’s much happier with his current weight, but I can’t help but think his appearance now is just really unattractive. I know how bad that sounds, and facially he’s still attractive (just as good looking but much thinner and TBH looks quite ill)…it’s his body. I’m not exaggerating when I say he looks like an 80-90 year old man. He’s 45.
He’s got a lot of excess skin which is sagging and wrinkly, but then he’s also incredibly boney. From the neck down he really does look double his age.
As I say, he’s happy, and I’m pleased that he is, but (sorry TMI) having sex with him isn’t only weird because it’s like he’s a different person, but also I can’t help thinking it feels like I’m having sex with a very old man, and that just feels, well it’s not a nice thought TBH

I am very aware my body has changed over the years due to age, babies etc, so I know I probably am BU but obviously I can’t say these things I’m thinking to him or even out loud to anyone else, so I guess MN is just my sounding board this afternoon!

Omg I'm laughing with hysterics at the vision of a naked mole rat metamorphosis from a big bear! 😅😂

I lost quite a bit of weight 6 years ago after my youngest daughter was born, and i agree about how haggard it can make people look. I have put on weight since and look so much healthier, and "myself" . I just looked older and unattractive when I became almost underweight.

I think you must have misunderstood or your GP friend did not explain it well, but WLI don't target muscle or fat. They are a synthetic hormone that mimics the hormone(s) we release after eating, but in very large quantities compared to what is produced naturally. This reduces appetite and keeps you fuller for longer. That reduces how many calories you eat, which produces weight loss.

Weight loss via any means can result in losing some muscle mass, which can be prevented by doing some exercise and eating enough protein. None of that will affect whether or not anyone gets loose skin.

Honestly I absolutely get it. Husband lost 12 stone and I feel the same way. He has gone far too far he could have stopped at ten stone but he didn’t it became an obsession. He says it’s better for him not being unhealthy and high risk, however he looks ill. Hope you can encourage some weight training

Yeah he needs to be lifting weights and eating protein to build some muscle

pointless losing weight and not doing that other things alongside tbh

if feel the same as you op

i worked my fucking arse off this past 12 months with watching what I eat and strength training 3 or 4 days a week and completely changing my lifestyle to lose 3 stone and it’s so hard to keep it going

these jabs should be used alongside other changes for sure

Yeah, being a bloke I found when I lost weight it was double edged a bit, because firstly it comes off the places you don't particularly want it to - the arms, legs, arse, back and only lastly the stomach. You wind up looking less of a man (though I'd settle for that now, being easily a stone overweight). A person really has to build up muscle to compensate or there may be a deflated balloon look. The journalist Phil Hilton in the Saturday Times is always going on about his fitness and fair play to him, in a way he's as fit as a butcher's dog, but his physique isn't that appealing, there isn't much muscle.

The actor Sean Connery lost weight for his final Bond film Never Say Never Again and looked unnecessarily old in that film, sort of creaky, like his suit was hanging off him somehow. It's almost like the body has to recalibrate how to move, so it affects one's savoir faire, plus quick weight loss is usually associated with illness. But aside from building up muscle and really going for it, I don't know how to countenance saggy skin.

One thing - the likes of Gary Barlow and Jimmy Carr lost weight and looked a bit Dickensian, but things did balance out a bit over time, indeed Sean Connery looked better in photos post-filming his Bond movie, even without his hairpiece. He regained his vitality.

Well if his 45 yr old wife suddenly had the body of a 90 yr old because of the jabs then he’s allowed to feel the same as OP. There’s no law that says you have to always find everything about your partner attractive.

Being underweight clearly kills you much quicker than being overweight does. Lots of anorexic people seem to die young, whereas obese people live very unhealthily for a really long time.

People with low muscle mass have a miserable life quality as they get older though, up to and including falls that kill them. Maintaining muscle mass is absolutely key to healthy ageing.

To say something to strangers that I daren’t say out loud.

For my husband to be fat again and then die of obesity-related illnesses. Well, according to some MNers that must be the case!

Could you gift him some personal training sessions or something? Maybe he needs something to kickstart a new health goal now that he's lost all the weight.

😂I'm not looking for a fight 😂
It was originally a random observation, along the lines of "I bet there'll be loads of court cases about Ozempic-face (etc) sometime in the future".
That's it, no stats, just an observation I made a while back, I'm not thrilled bout it, I don't really care that much, it doesn't affect me in the slightest.

Agree. I purposefully did it as slowly as I could- started on the lowest dose for at long as possible before titration (yes it was a more expensive way to do it) and lots of strength training, that way you're skin has a much better chance of adjusting, which it is capable of doing up to a certain point. I lost 5 stone and have very minimal lax skin on my tummy which I'm treating with microneedling myself- which is working brilliantly.

I hear ya @Coddledhaddock I feel the same. My DH is overweight, by about 3 stone (he is 5 ft 10,) and IMO he looks fine. We have been together over 30 years, and several times he has lost 3-4 stone and got to a weight that is about a stone too light for his frame/height.

He looked so small and frail because he never worked out or exercised, and basically he just looked gangly and bony and gaunt. One woman I worked with (a few years back when DH had dropped to a stone under his ideal weight,) said he looks like he should be in hospital when he went on a strict diet once and dropped to a stone under his ideal weight. He looked DREADFUL. It aged him some 15 years.

I am not attracted to him at a stone underweight, and couldn't stand him touching me. I have always preferred men with a bit of meat on them. I'd much rather have a man who was 3-4 stone overweight than 1 stone underweight.

Fortunately, he has not done this for about a decade, and has been between a stone and 3 stone overweight for most of that time.

.

Great post, couldn't agree more!

I met up with a pal i hadn't seen for the best part of a year, she had lost 3 stone using the jabs but hadn't done any exercise, she looked like a melted candle.

I assume OP wants her husband, who isn't old, and as far as she knows, isn't unwell, to be (and look like) a strong healthy man, and not a vulnerable doddery old bag of bones decades before his time.

And if he looks and feels like a doddery bag of bones now, God knows how he'll look and more to the point, God knows what his resilience to illness, accidents, etc will be, when he's 80 and well down the path of age-related muscle and bone loss.

My DH is a broad-shouldered, quite large man. He has been on a weight-loss diet for the last few months (calorie deficit), which is good for his health, and he has lost weight, but yes, I think I would struggle if he lost too much. I don't think it would suit him.

So, I get why your struggling. It sounds like he's gone too far and needs put some weight on.

And I don't disagree. My comment was in response to the post where it said people should use exercise and weight reducing diets and not WLI and I was explaining its not as simple as that for some overweight people because its an addiction.

Whether you are using WLI or just calorie deficit, you absolutely should be lifting weights and putting on muscle or at least maintaining. Fat people usually have a decent amount of muscle underneath, they need it to move around. But unless you train, the muscle goes with the fat. Then your maintenance calories requirement falls through the floor, you're in a constant fight with hunger and portion sizes and its pretty common to put the weight back on, which will be more fat than muscle.

Yes I've seen people struggle to lose weight and finally succeed with WLI. A friend is now training for a half marathon, it's changed her life in amazing ways.

Muscle loss and malnutrition are serious issues with WLI. He needs protein 3x a day and to keep his fruit and veg up. It's very difficult - I'm dealing with similar myself. I have 2 raw eggs, yogurt and fresh fruit blended into milk for breakfast because I can manage liquids much better and it starts the day off well. I'm trying to take more exercise but it's also a challenge as I find the jabs fatiguing. I haven't had to lose as much weight as your husband and I'm nearly at target, thank goodness. The treatment doesn't change your behaviour so I'm planning on a maintenance dose. I've had the odd holiday week on a lower dose and have more appetite and energy so it's easier to eat healthily and exercise. Hopefully, this will work as a long term solution. Do you think this is where your husband needs to be now, @Coddledhaddock?

I made us both a nice steak for dinner, and now I can hear him shitting through the eye of a needle in the bathroom. He eats very little these days, and more often than not when he does eat, the remainder of the day is spent with him visiting the toilet multiple times for explosive diarrhoea. FML.

That is not at all normal for someone taking a WLI. I would guess he hasn't told the prescriber that fact. He really sounds like he's on far too high a dose and is trying to keep his appetite suppression far too high.

I think you need to have a serious talk with him about his health, never mind the rest.

That’s really concerning OP.
The trouble is that if he is barely eating then his brain will not be functioning correctly either so he is less likely to recognise that there is an issue. It does sound like he needs help especially if anything he does eat goes straight through him.

This is alarming. What dose is he on?