Friend left before paying her round.

[Sophiehoney]

Hi everyone,
I need a sanity check on a situation from my local tonight, as DH and I are completely disagreeing on this.
We were out at the pub with a large group of 9 people. We were drinking in rounds. 7 people had bought a round, and it was down to either this one woman, let's call her Sarah, or one other person next.
Suddenly, Sarah announced she had to leave immediately because her babysitter had an issue and needed to go. She said a quick goodbye to everyone and dashed out. However, she didn’t mention the rounds at all, didn't offer to leave any cash, and didn't mention sending a bank transfer to cover her share. She had consumed several free drinks at this point.
After she left, the rest of the group talked about it and everyone agreed it was incredibly rude to "ghost" the round like that, especially when she’d benefited from 7 other people paying.
When DH and I got home, he said the group was being far too harsh on her because it was a childcare emergency and her mind was probably all over the place. I disagree, I think even in a rush, you could text the group chat from the taxi to offer to send money or even just acknowledge it in some way before you leave by saying you will sort it next time. Leaving the remaining people to cover the deficit feels out of order.
So, AIBU? Was she a CF, or should she get a free pass because of the babysitter emergency?

If it happens everytime it’s her round I would be like hmmm that’s annoying but if it’s a one off then none of us (me and my friends) would batt an eyelid or accept any money…

No one needs 9 drinks on an evening out, that's massively over-indulgent.

She's only being unreasonable if she hangs back from doing her round as early as possible next time the gang is together. If it's always the same person getting a free ride that's a problem, but any time there's more than 4 people gathered there's a chance someone is going to get a free night and that's totally fine if it's a different person each time.

No need to get weird about it. "Hi Sarah, brilliant to see you. It's your round isn't it, mine's a large Pinot Grigio thanks" and get on with the fun.

After 7 drinks I don't think it's remember I had a child! (Nevermind a drinks bill that needed paying!)

You’re being unreasonable, unless there’s a backstory here of a history of this kind of behaviour

Do people think she faked an emergency? If not they’re pretty awful even voicing a concern over the drink when potentially something had happened to her child! Totally agree a round with that amount of people is nuts!

Maybe just ask her if she's ok as she left so fast? Was she drinking alcoholic drinks? I'd go home if I'd had 7 diet cokes or orange juices to be fair.
Did she definitely know it was rounds for 9 people?
She's your friend, it's not nice for everyone to talk about her leaving without getting a round, especially when you haven't even checked if she's alright.
There is normally a cheeky fucker that dodges buying a round or splitting a bill fairly. That's when you learn to not get into rounds lol

Agree, even if she wasn't drinking, gross pub diet cokes or lemonade would make me ill after 7 🤣

I had a friend who did that every time we went out skipped her round, either by hiding in the loos, leaving early, making sure she was last and then the end of the night came. If she did get caught out she got everyone half lagers claiming she forgot what everyone was drinking by the time she got served, while getting vodkas and shots throughout the night
She also turned up to several parties with the same bottle of wine, taking it home each time after drinking the hosts booze! Good times 😂. Last I heard she is doing quite well for herself financially savvy 😂

She's a CF. Clearly no babysitting issue, she saw a way to get free drinks or she would have put down some money or mentioned compensating for her round.

Did she contact and pay later?

I this is the first time it's happened, give her the benefit of the doubt at least. It's horrible for everyone to be talking about her like that.

Six or seven rounds of drink sounds OTT to me anyway but I know that is not the point.

That's far too many people in a round while expecting everyone to buy an equal amount of rounds. So you can have 9 or 18 drinks? You're all stuck there drinking and spending until it's equal?

Is this your usual set up? A group that gets together regularly?

Because either it is, and this is the first time it's happened, so just get over it.

Or it's the first time you've gathered like this and bought rounds in 9s and in her shoes I'd fake an emergency to get out of drinking that much and buying that much. I could never drink 7 alcoholic drinks in one night, but I'd feel pressured to keep up and I'd be dreading spending a hundred quid on drinks when usually I'd probably have one or two.

Agree, but I don't think I could drink 7 soft drinks either!

You all talked about it?
Unless it's a pattern, you are not a pleasant bunch of so called friends.
Do the couples buy 2 rounds? Just wondering how rounds work withva ixture ofcsingles and couples.

Cheeky . But that’s a lot of rounds .

If it was a genuine emergency then give her some grace. Surely it is never always equal, and 9 rounds is a lot, wouldn’t it be better to have a kitty. I don’t like getting into rounds these days, but feels rude to just get your own drink. In my walking group what I like is that everyone just gets their own. Too many people to get into rounds, and some can’t afford it.

She might have forgotten. It's happened to me more than once. I forget to pay people what I owe and I forget that people owe me money. It causes some friction with people who can never for a moment forget what others owe them down to the last fraction of a penny. But nobody forgets on purpose.

That many people do a kitty. We usually did drinkers pay x, non as alcohol pay y.

that was a huge round, bound to end in tears!

Wow. I can’t beleive how you all behaved to your friend, as you didn’t get a drink back,

This is my suspicion; the person or people leading the outrage is much closer to Sarah and know that she has form for this.

Had she tried to pay before that? It's a huge round and would typically fall apart before it got to the last people; different timings, people coming and going. I think someone in the group expected this and that's why they are being vocal.

If your DH hasn't witnessed it before he was horrified at the reaction.

I have a Sarah in my group. She really is awful and will go to any lengths to get out of paying anything at all. Her strategies are very creative. My DH was appalled the first time I took him out in a bit group and instructed him beforehand that he wasn't to offer her a drink if he found her appear beside him just as he was ordering. He said he didn't think he could be that rude but I was adamant.

This, in a large group we always do a kitty, 9 people, 9 rounds, it’s a lot of booze, assuming you’re not kicking off about a soft drink, so by that point she’d had seven drinks, was prob quite drunk and had to rush back, buying a round prob didn’t occur to her, but nice to see her tight mates were keeping score,

That happened with my sister but with meals out. I was a student so we would all just pay for our own with my mates but when I went out with her friends they’d all have cocktails and three courses with steak etc and then expect me to split the cost when I’d just had one drink and a main. It still rankles. I don’t speak to her any more.

Some people definitely do and have no shame about it. One particularly mean acquaintance who regularly ducks out of her round of weekly coffees actually offered everyone a coffee and then said she’d forgotten her purse so someone had to pay for her.

I agree with @Sophiehoney DH.

If there were 9 people, presumably not everyone had a drink every round?

Childcare trumps a drink, some people don't pay their round - it's life and why a whip is the answer. However, how does a whip work nowadays when nobody carries cash. Do you open a tab and all put a tenner on?

If it was a genuine emergency, she may not have given paying for a round a second thought. However, she may message you all this morning and offer money.

But can you explain something to me, as I am not familiar with such scenarios: if 9 of you go out, do you expect to drink 9 rounds that night?