Friend left before paying her round.

[Sophiehoney]

Hi everyone,
I need a sanity check on a situation from my local tonight, as DH and I are completely disagreeing on this.
We were out at the pub with a large group of 9 people. We were drinking in rounds. 7 people had bought a round, and it was down to either this one woman, let's call her Sarah, or one other person next.
Suddenly, Sarah announced she had to leave immediately because her babysitter had an issue and needed to go. She said a quick goodbye to everyone and dashed out. However, she didn’t mention the rounds at all, didn't offer to leave any cash, and didn't mention sending a bank transfer to cover her share. She had consumed several free drinks at this point.
After she left, the rest of the group talked about it and everyone agreed it was incredibly rude to "ghost" the round like that, especially when she’d benefited from 7 other people paying.
When DH and I got home, he said the group was being far too harsh on her because it was a childcare emergency and her mind was probably all over the place. I disagree, I think even in a rush, you could text the group chat from the taxi to offer to send money or even just acknowledge it in some way before you leave by saying you will sort it next time. Leaving the remaining people to cover the deficit feels out of order.
So, AIBU? Was she a CF, or should she get a free pass because of the babysitter emergency?

That absolutely could have been her intention, and is completely wrong.

However, what is her behaviour usually like? Is this a regular event (it sounded like it was, but is she regularly there). Assuming it was a genuine emergency, it could have slipped her mind, and she is intending to pay back with the first round next week.

If she often skips out, or tries to go for cheap rounds while ordering expensive drinks, I would definitely have an issue with it. A one off I could definitely forgive, have probably done the same before myself if not feeling well or had an emergency and left earlier than planned.

I think its fair enough she had to rush home but she did have a free night out. I would have texted the next day to ask what I owed. Even if you all said you just get the first round next time, at least she would have offered. She looks like a freeloader right now

I had this one night when I went out with 2 friends, every time it was her turn to buy she’d suddenly need the toilet and take quite a while so by time she came out we’d already been to the bar! Never again 🤣

She quite clearly doesn’t as not once in any of the OP’s messages has she ever said she’s done this before, despite being asked about a million times.

Unless you think she had the whole thing planned, then sometimes life gets in the way. I'm going to guess OP doesn't have kids and doesn't realise that sometimes shit happens to either them directly or the people looking after them.

Surely next time you are all at the quiz you just say to this person that she should get the first 2 rounds as she bailed last time?

The thing about that though is she’d have to mess about bank transferring all seven other people the cost of a half/one spritzer. She’s probably just thinking that she’ll see them all at the weekend and get an extra round in or pay them then. They go out twice a week, it’s not like she’s not going to see them again until next year.

so if she'd necked her drink then offered to get a round in and no one wanted one at that point, it would be ok, but a child care emergency, she should have stopped, checked to see who wants a drink, go and order bad pay for them and then go home?

9 wines is 3 bottles so whilst I like a decent drink, and you do you, it does seem excessive and I'm impressed if oyu ever win the quiz on that

Do the rounds always work out exactly even? We have a group we regularly share rounds with. Often they’re not equal every night. It’s just how it goes, it evens out over time.

I haven't answered because I don't know.

She doesn't come every week, whereas the rest of us are pretty regular and rarely miss a week.

I know her well enough but she's more of a friend of a friend. She's generally nice though and I do like her.

She also came for the two weeks I was on Holiday.

I haven't noticed if she's done this before, but the way people were giving each other side eye when she said she had to go makes me suspect maybe she does.

I'd have to ask the rest of the group, and I don't want to just randomly ask, it would have to come up naturally in conversation.

So there's the answer. I don't know. I accept now that this was important information in determining whether or not she is a CF but it's info I don't have.

so if she'd necked her drink then offered to get a round in and no one wanted one at that point, it would be ok,

No because who the fuck does that 🤣 Behave.

Most adults know the culture of pub drinking in rounds. It gets to a moment when people's glasses are looking empty and a reasonable amount of time has passed, you ask who wants want, some people may pass, and you get them in. End of. It's not that complex.

But you're completely making up that anyone 'picked up her round!'
OP didn't say that.
There was one person who hadn't got a round in yet so would 'owe' one regardless of whether potentiallyCF left or not.
I would imagine that after that most of the others just called it a night after 8 rounds rather than 9, or bought their last one themselves, rather than starting afresh.

It's bizarre to me that people get 'really annoyed' by things that not only didn't impact them in the slightest (as you weren't there) but didn't even happen at all!

Did she climb out of the toilet window in the gents?

Has anyone questioned her about it?

You need a better system. I would hate this number of people in a round...what if she had no emergency and just wanted to leave after a few drinks? Would she have to buy a round of 9 just to join in and not be considerate rude? Also, if this is a regular thing, in my groups we assume it will catch up eventually. She might buy the first round next time. Also agree with the comment from another about not caring too much about buying a friend a drink if she's a friend.

Fiver for an alcoholic drink? It's 4 plus for a cup of coffee here.

I am not saying op should demand for money but I think you underestimated the price.

But there was no issue with the kids, babysitter was leaving early.

The easy way to find out about the side eye was doing the rounds, is to ask next time "Does anyone know if the babysitter was ok last week? Sounded very urgent the way that X had to leg it".
And then let them spill the beans if there are any beans to spill.

If this is a habit of hers then the next time she is there you say "Oh me and H are going to just get our own tonight, money is a bit tight" and I would bet a weeks wages that everyone else decides to do the same.

Depends where they are. I am in the midlands and (leaving aside Wetherspoons) a fiver a pint/medium wine would be about average. Only cocktails or large spirits and mixers would be more. OP said that they were on halves/spritzers, if you are somewhere where half a lager would cost more than a fiver, I suggest you move!

Same! I thought it was sarcasam at first.

A 2 hour decent bottomless brunch gets you 7 or 8 🤣 and then there's the rest of the night ahead!

I genuinely don't understand this. I'm certain most women could? Bottomless brunch last Saturday we all had 6 cocktails in 2 hours plus 3 bottles of prosecco on the table between 7 of us. That was 4pm-6pm. We were out until 1am and continued to drink including shots. Nobody was sick. All drunk yes. But not a mess. I dont know many people that couldn't do this.
And to add, I'm not a drinker normally, I only ever drink on events like this so a handful of times a year.

Me and my friends drink. I don't think there's any of us that could do that without throwing up

Who needs 8 drinks on a weeknight?

buying drinks in rounds is daft.

but she could also have swerved her round on propose.

To all the people who think the OP is being unreasonable... In the friend's situation, would you really have upped and left without saying anything or messaging the group the next day?

If that was me, first of all I wouldn't call the babysitter needing to leave early an "emergency". Talk about hyping up a situation. And to those who say her mind would have been elsewhere - that's a dangerously low amount of resilience.

Second, whilst gathering my things, I'd acknowledge it's my round and ask someone to get it in and I'd fire over the money the next day or on the way out, I'd ask the barman/barmaid to run me a tab for the next round that I'd come back in and pay.

If there genuinely was an emergency e.g. house was on fire, I expect friends would be far more understanding.

Also, nine drinks in an evening sounds like a fun night. I think it's awesome you have these regular outings with your mates. So many boring, sensible people here on MN 🤣

3 or 4 people who regularly go out together, rounds are ok, if somebody misses they get the first one next time. Bigger groups, buy your own, divide into 3's and 4's or have a whip, everybody chuck in £20 (or £10 if your in Spoons) and see how long it lasts.

It doesn't matter if her babysitter was calling an ambulance or not. Or if everyone was fine.

If a babysitter had said that they needed to go to me..
I'd rush off pronto too.
Maybe the babysitter's issue was an emergency. Maybe they were due to start a shift. It doesn't matter.

Because if you want to keep your regular babysitter, you go home when they ask you to come home.
To make sure your kids are still being looked after. And not by someone who wants to be somewhere else.

• The next time she attends she will probably explain it all.
• And people could politely remind her of her obligation.
• If she did it every single time, the rest of the group would have actually said something.

That's it. Problem solved.
I can't believe this thread is still going on over a round of drinks.