Friend left before paying her round.

[Sophiehoney]

Hi everyone,
I need a sanity check on a situation from my local tonight, as DH and I are completely disagreeing on this.
We were out at the pub with a large group of 9 people. We were drinking in rounds. 7 people had bought a round, and it was down to either this one woman, let's call her Sarah, or one other person next.
Suddenly, Sarah announced she had to leave immediately because her babysitter had an issue and needed to go. She said a quick goodbye to everyone and dashed out. However, she didn’t mention the rounds at all, didn't offer to leave any cash, and didn't mention sending a bank transfer to cover her share. She had consumed several free drinks at this point.
After she left, the rest of the group talked about it and everyone agreed it was incredibly rude to "ghost" the round like that, especially when she’d benefited from 7 other people paying.
When DH and I got home, he said the group was being far too harsh on her because it was a childcare emergency and her mind was probably all over the place. I disagree, I think even in a rush, you could text the group chat from the taxi to offer to send money or even just acknowledge it in some way before you leave by saying you will sort it next time. Leaving the remaining people to cover the deficit feels out of order.
So, AIBU? Was she a CF, or should she get a free pass because of the babysitter emergency?

Me too lol fellow lush-head
We have that on the Saturday afternoon getting sorted BEFORE going out lol xx

Totally this

Your group doesn't sound very nice, immediately bitching about whoever leaves first.

Leave it for her to get the first round next time or ditch the round idea if it's creating pressure to have 9 drinks.

I hate doing rounds. I can't carry that many drinks, I only want a couple, and I'd rather have a g&t but it's too expensive to expect other people to get me one.

You write very eloquently for someone who has just come home from the pub after 9 drinks!

The rounds were too big, if there’s 9 break it up into 3’s of who drinks similar speeds/drinks

Yawn all you like, but all the latest research says that alcohol is far worse for you than previously thought. It’s much more carcinogenic in smaller amounts than we thought. Basically, alcohol is a poison to our body tissues. The World Health Organisation says that the risk starts from the very first drop and only increases from there.

No level of alcohol consumption is safe. And fyi, it’s especially carcinogenic when it comes to breast cancer.

https://www.who.int/europe/news/item/04-01-2023-no-level-of-alcohol-consumption-is-safe-for-our-health

Rounds are frankly stupid. I didn't do that nonsense even in the 90's. People don't drink at the same rate or have the same budget. And some people are raging alcoholics.

I don't blame her for going home after that many drinks. You should all grow up and start just buying the drinks you want then it won't be an issue anymore

I agree with the others, if it’s a one -off, then I wouldn’t worry. Also, seven rounds of drinks! Did you all have a new drink every time?

If this is a regular occurrence she's a CF. However, as a one off, no I wouldn't find it odd she isn't thinking of whose round it is when she has to leave suddenly for a childcare emergency. Plus if it only happened tonight how do you know she won't mention it tomorrow when childcare issues dealt with?

Do you always go in rounds for such a large group? I couldn't afford to drink 9 drinks in a pub and wouldn't have that many out, so would be stressed if I arrived at an event to discover that was the expectation. Usually in a large group we all get our own, or maybe take turns in smaller pairs or 3s who arrived together / are close / are drinking same etc. it's rare we all drink at the same speed, so rounds wouldn't work.

It’s hard to tell from what you posted whether she deliberately left before her round or if it was a genuine emergency. I wouldn’t expect a text from the taxi if she had to rush off.

I also don’t like rounds any more as I drink a different type of drink from everyone else eg I don’t want to share a bottle of wine so I say, I’ll get mine and then everything is fine.

I find some friends like to share rounds in a two or three as pp said as it’s easier if they drink the same/drink the same amount.

I think you all need to lay off the sauce.

Classic MN. Do you have a refreshing beer once a year at the end of long summers walk? (An actual quote when discussing alcohol consumption on here previously)

That’s huge amounts of rounds. Cant she just buy the first next time you’re out?

TBH I think it depends if she has previous form on this.

A childcare emergency is one of those scenarios where I would let them have a free pass.......if it's true.

There will always be people who dodge their turn to get a round in, it's tedious behaviour and they should just say at the beginning, I don't want to be a part of it

9 people is a lot for a round though. Were you all drinking alcohol? Very unfair if someone was not

I mean, I'm not a drinker but a round for 9 people would be more like £50 / £60 if not more.

I haven’t done rounds like that since my 20s….and then it was cheap!

i duck out of rounds now, or buy one of the early ones. In fact the only time I really do it is a regular pub quiz where it ebbs and flows over the year as to who has what…so it probably works out.

give her a break.

Surely with 9 people in a round it's only ever going to be the first 5 people tops who get a round. Who gets through 9 rounds in one evening?
If she never bought a round I can see it may get annoying but if it didn't get to her turn before she had to leave then I don't see the big deal.
When I buy a round it's because I am prepared to buy my friends a drink. It is not on the condition they buy me one back.

It does seem a huge amount to me ! I’m 49 and at most, would share a bottle of wine with a friend in the pub at the weekend. A week night Id only have one glass. 20 + years ago we definitely would have 7 drinks but not now! Horses for courses though.

lol. Massive 🥱 and 🙄 for you! 🤣

Depends whether it’s the first time but you’re all bad friends to start immediately slagging her off. Generally over a lifetime of friendship these things even out.

There a lot of people there to expect to go around everyone. For large groups just throw in £20 each and then everyone pays their fair share. If you need more, everyone throws in more

I think it’s a really sad group of ‘friends’ who sit there keeping tabs on whose turn it is. In my similar sized group of friends, I just get the round in if my drink is the first to be finished. ‘Who else wants another?’ So does everyone else. Some nights I probably don’t buy a single drink, others it’ll be £100. Whatever, it evens out in the end.

So if each person at the table had bought a round, that meant you'd have had nine drinks? You have bigger problems than Sarah.

Are you sure you’re all friends and not just drinking buddies?

Because your friend having to go due to a childcare emergency and you all standing there bitching that your drinks weren’t her absolute first priority……. great friends lol.