Does anyone else dislike splitting the bill?

[Savedbythebell36]

Unless you've had something very similar and the price difference is pennies.
I went out with a group of friends the other week, I don't drink alcohol and most of them do. I had a starter as a main course, and two diet cokes.
It came to £33 each when splitting, even though my starter was i think £8.99 and two cokes around £8 in total.

That included a tip, but that would've meant me leaving a £16 tip which sounds extreme. I wish I'd spoken up really, next time I will but you're labelled as 'tight' if you do that. I asked them to confirm again, and nobody said 'you've only had a starter/soft drinks whereas we had more.'

It does put me off going sometimes but I suppose if your friends call you tight/cheapskate then they aren't real friends? I'm on more of a budget too.

I leant over and whispered to my husband, "This is Toby Carvery - the home of the greedy freeloading cunt!" 🤣

When I go out as a part of a group of 6 from a previous workplace we all just pay for what we have now.

(Nothing to do with 1 of the group repeatedly ordering the most expensive meal and bottle of wine that the rest of us didn't want) 🤐

(Not me before anyone says it! 😂)

I have never been called names like this before and if I was, I wouldn’t be eating out with these people again.

Why are you?! It sounds like you are socialising with people who neither like nor respect you. Is that true?

You have to speak up for yourself ,because otherwise people will always take advantage. Say from the start you want a separate bill and stick to your guns, hard luck if they don't like it.
I've had the same think when out with friends I would only drink a half pints of lager all night when our with friends as it was all I wanted and affordable for me, but when in rounds the friends would all want double shorts it was so uneven. I nipped that in the bud because I had to.
What I wasn't prepared for was the friend who promised to treat me to an Indian meal as a thank you for all I'd done for her as she lodged with me for a short while until she found a flat. I don't like spending other folks money so I only ordered my usual main course and sides and drank water., but she had popp adoms , 2 starters , main course, a sweet,lots of drinks from the bar ( double Bacardi and cokes) and then asked for amother starter ,main, huge bag of Bombay mix and 3 naan breads to take home to her boyfriend. When the bill came her card was declined and she had no cash , so I ended up paying and she never repaid me.
I had another friend who would call round " gizza fag I've left mine in the car " She wouldn't go get them and she would nick my loo roll while she was there too! So I used to keep a pack of dabs with only one in it and tell her I'd just put one out and wouldn't be lighting that one & hide my other pack until she's gone.

so please stand up for yourself, people take the piss, often those you call friends, they can be the worst CF's of all !

This!!

Speak up if they try and call you tight/ a cheapskate than just point out that not wanting to subsidised THEIR meal doesnt make YOU the cheapskate

Your issue is not bill splitting; it's your choice of "friends".

It’s best to own it. Literally make it a bit of a joke. It’s cheapskate for them to expect you to subsidise their meal.

I'm the same as you, op. I don't drink and yet am always having to pay for other people's alcohol. I rarely go on that sort of outing now. It's put me off. No one ever says "oh she didn't drink, she should pay less".

Bill splitting is only fair if you have all had a similar feed and drinks.

If not then the non drinkers are subsidizing the drinkers.

I have a friend who always makes a big thing of rushing to the bar to get the first round in, and then when we sit to eat will order a ton of drinks and food and avoid paying. Like its some sort of turn taking exercise. She gets very precious when you say something too.

I also have another friend who will 'contribute' to the bill. Every single time. So the bill for 4 of us will come to £120 and then she will offer up £40 towards it and say ''pop that in your purse towards it''. The first couple of times I was too shocked to say anything until last time when I said am I getting this or are you? Because in her mind, the £40 meant that I hadn't covered the bill but she still stiffed me for £20 excluding tip.

Ive grown a backbone since and got the calculator out 😂

I don't think there's an issue with you raising it and only paying for what you consumed. Unless of course you've got previous and you'll happily split when you've had more and therefore benefit from splitting? Life's too short to work out what you've had down to the penny, IMO. But if you're struggling financially then I can understand why you'd need to and wouldn't judge.

I think this sort of situation is a nightmare. I remember one occasion where I ended up paying 45 pounds when spilt but the actual amount was less than 20, that was a while ago. On another occasion we went out and we all put in what we’d had and because we all rounded up and put a tip in the amount was about 50 over - we then went to pub! Yet another occasion my husband was out with work colleagues and they did the same ie putting money for what they had and it was 25 pounds under. So I honestly think it depends on who are with as to what happens.

These threads come up all the time @Savedbythebell36 .
Make it clear at the outset that you are having to keep to a strict budget and can only afford what you actually order.

I do hate it, but only because people take ages calculating to the exact penny what they've spent. If there are 4 of you, then it's 25% each. And I'd rather pay the whole 100% myself than listen to folk quibbling about it!

Maybe you would if you were making a deal over a couple of quid, but in this case where it’s a hugely different amount it’s not being a cheepskate - it’s more being a pushover for paying double what you owe.
it is rude of your friends to not say “we’ll split but you only had xyz so you pay what you owe and we’ll split the rest”. Maybe they genuinely didn’t register, maybe they were being CF. But you can absolutely say “mine came to £17 so I’ll pop in £20 to cover a tip, and you divide the rest”.

Agree it's not great to split the bill in groups unless you have all have very similar. I have a work colleague who admits she picks more expensive things like a steak if she knows the bill is being split so she gets more for her money 😡

Yes, I would do this - in advance of going, as soon as a meal out is suggested? It’s totally fair to mention ‘I’d love to come, but as a non drinker who can’t eat as much as I used to, would anyone mind if I paid for my meal separately?’ It’s reasonable for friends to understand that members of a group may have differing financial constraints that mean this is fairer.

If anyone gets arsey, I’d have to conclude they are not really friends and rethink spending time with them.

If someone calls you this for wanting to pay for the food that you ate, they're not your friends and you shouldn't be dining with them again. Stand up for yourself

The ones getting you to pay for their booze are being cheapscates though!! They sound like a bunch of awful freeloaders to me.

Friends do not behave like this.
Calling you names?
Awful behaviour.

I’d point out that the cheapskate is the one wanting others to supplement the cost of her expensive food and drinks. Not the one who wants to pay for what she had plus tip.

If they call you tight again just say “I’m the cheapskate? Bit rich coming from someone expecting me to subsidise their cocktails to the tune of nearly £20”

I think its better to mention at the start of meals if you would rather pay separately. Set expectations from the outset, arrange it with the staff (they can put your bill separate to the rest of the table), and there is no ambiguity or mixed messages. I have often split bills with friends, but we usually have a quick chat while looking at the menus, once we have an idea of what we are getting. Assuming its about the same and we are sharing a bottle of wine would usually split. If I was drinking with a non drinker, absolutely wouldn't expect them to cover mine.

If your friends don't accept that, they aren't really your friends. But instead of trying to raise at time of payment, or you getting nervous about raising it then, if you mention at the start there are no mixed messages or expectations

I'll eat out with you. I'll have the most expensive main on the menu, four side dishes, a cocktail or two, wine and a brandy. So what if it comes to £100, it's only money, yours.

I think in a group setting it's easy to not notice if one person isn't eating/drinking as much as the others. In that case, you need to speak up for yourself.

If they call you a cheapskate for it, the issue is that they're horrible people, not anything specific to the bill splitting. I'd avoid going for meals with them.