Does anyone else dislike splitting the bill?

[Savedbythebell36]

Unless you've had something very similar and the price difference is pennies.
I went out with a group of friends the other week, I don't drink alcohol and most of them do. I had a starter as a main course, and two diet cokes.
It came to £33 each when splitting, even though my starter was i think £8.99 and two cokes around £8 in total.

That included a tip, but that would've meant me leaving a £16 tip which sounds extreme. I wish I'd spoken up really, next time I will but you're labelled as 'tight' if you do that. I asked them to confirm again, and nobody said 'you've only had a starter/soft drinks whereas we had more.'

It does put me off going sometimes but I suppose if your friends call you tight/cheapskate then they aren't real friends? I'm on more of a budget too.

I had this when I said before a meal I wasn’t splitting and asked the “friend” to his face if he really thought I should be subbing his meal. Was that really friendship?

As it is I don’t mix with him anymore, but three others who felt the same (but they didn’t have the confidence to say) and I eat out regularly!

We usually split if we've had similar value meals eg if one person's cost 28 and the other 32, we'd just split down the middle.

But for something as wildly different as yours, OP. There's no way anyone would expect to split the bill evenly.

I loath splitting and I won't do it. Like you I don't drink alcohol and I am not a starter and dessert person.

I have this problem from the other side: a very dear friend of mine loves going out to dinner but she doesn’t drink and never wants dessert.

She also fights me vigorously when I ask to pay separately because she says it’s a ‘faff’ not to just split it evenly. Neither of us is well off by any means - a meal out is a luxury.

But because it’s a luxury I want to make the most of it and have a pudding and a glass of wine! And I end up ordering neither when I’m with her, because she makes it so awkward for me to just fucking pay for my extra bits.

It was easier right after lockdown, when many places let you order from an app on your phone, so it was easier for everyone to pay individually and not have to calculate a bill for the whole table. Then my gluttony was nobody’s business but my own!

I would hate it too. It's fine if the difference is fairly small or it generally evens out over time. But if it's a big difference then it's bloody cheeky of the others to get subsidised. As for being called "tight" for wanting to pay for what you had ... ridiculous. Surely it's tight and scrounging to get someone else to cover part of your more expensive meal.

My BIL used to do this. Over-order massively and then split the bill equally per head even though one of the "heads" was a small child (not his obviously) who'd had a £7.99 kids set meal including soft drink while BIL had three courses, plenty of wine and a double brandy. Then asked for a lift home!

They’re wrong, though! They’re the meanies for expecting you to subsidise their meal!

Tell them to get to fuck. Don’t allow yourself to be bullied!

This also doesn't make sense OP...

You're saying you wish you spoke up but you got labelled as a cheapskate last time you did.

But you also say in your OP that next time you will speak up?

So if you spoke up before, and you're going to speak up in future, what stopped you speaking this time?

We have friends who automatically split the bill two ways. Problem is the husband always has the most expensive item and she has 3 courses with coffee, whilst we usually only have 1 or 2, and no coffee. She always says, it’s swings and roundabouts. It’s not if he’s spent £40 on a steak an we have spent £20 on a pie. So I started ordering more drinks for myself. Next time out I told them we would pay for our own as it meant I could drink however much I wanted. She looked really pissed off and tried the swings and roundabouts chant but I insisted and I can enjoy my meal knowing I’m not subsidising theirs.

In this situation I've said to the group 'would anyone mind if I pay for just the starter and cokes I had, plus a bit more, rather than splitting?'.

Then the impetus is on the CF to say 'Yes, I mind.'

"You're a cheapskate"

"You're a greedy freeloading cunt"

Sorted.

You're going out for meals with people who have previously called you a cheapskate to your gave just because you don't want to subsidise them and their alcohol? Just why?

When I go out with close friends, one of us will put the bill on our credit card and post the reciept in the group chat and everyone pays up when they get home. Quick and efficient. Only works if your friends are reliable though!

When you order just say you'd like a separate bill please. If it makes you feel any better, tell them you are watching your budget.

So if you don’t want to speak up, then the other option is to suck it up

Then you need to challenge that. Tbh, they don't sound a very nice bunch. Maybe look for alternative social connections.....

I'm single and don't drink, I always ask for a separate bill

It can feel really awkward even though it shouldn't. Is usually just split a bill 50/50, but I did once speak up when a couple my DP and I were dining with had 6 cocktails between them and we'd had soft drinks because DP was driving and I was pregnant.
I will also offer to pay more if I've had notably more than the person I am dining with or more likely if I've had a more expensive option than them, but I doesn't really bother me if they don't offer back because I'm in a more fortunate position than I once was.
When I was younger I think it was more normal in our friend group to pay individually for our own food/drinks as there were some big gaps in affordability and a couple of us usually had soup and tap water 😂🙈

My friends and I prefer to split. None of us are on a tight budget and no one takes the piss. It would be absolutely fine if someone spoke up and said they wanted to pay for their own. We aren't psychic though, it would be for them to say.

This.

This comes up time and again. Of course you should not have to subsidise your companions more expensive meal and you need to speak up and say so. But I would also add that most people tend to underestimate their costs eg forgetting to include cover charge, service etc. So do bear that in mind when calculating your share

OMG this reminds me of a row I witnessed between two women in Toby Carvery once! 😳🤣

I've had this too but with work meals out. Always the ones who earn more who are keen to do an even split too! I usually have an idea what meal I'm going to pick in advance plus drink/tip so have an amount prepared and say 'this should cover me plus a tip' so I don't even get into a conversation about it. I find if you don't speak up as soon as it's mentioned you end up having to go along with it out of embarrassment which is really unfair

Wish I'd been there, I'd have maybe stayed for dessert 🤣

I only chose YABU as this should have been spoken about before the dinner. I hate it when someone pipes up "I've only had one drink and a tin of beans". If you go out in a group then that's how you pay - unless mentioned beforehand then perfectly understandable.

I agree. If somebody had a lot less than everyone else I would notice and say something. But I would feel a bit awkward if somebody only had a starter and diet coke if I was having a full meal and drinks.