Does anyone else dislike splitting the bill?

[Savedbythebell36]

Unless you've had something very similar and the price difference is pennies.
I went out with a group of friends the other week, I don't drink alcohol and most of them do. I had a starter as a main course, and two diet cokes.
It came to £33 each when splitting, even though my starter was i think £8.99 and two cokes around £8 in total.

That included a tip, but that would've meant me leaving a £16 tip which sounds extreme. I wish I'd spoken up really, next time I will but you're labelled as 'tight' if you do that. I asked them to confirm again, and nobody said 'you've only had a starter/soft drinks whereas we had more.'

It does put me off going sometimes but I suppose if your friends call you tight/cheapskate then they aren't real friends? I'm on more of a budget too.

Well point out to your "friends" that you aren't the cheapskate here but they are because they are free-riding on you subsidising their meals and booze for them.

As somebody else said, state at the outset that you will only be paying for what you eat and drink, or when the bill comes round chuck in what your meal cost plus 10% or 12.5% to cover a tip. It's up to the boozers and gluttons how they split the rest between them.

And if they don't invite you again they certainly aren't your friends...

If it's a glass of coke and a wine, the difference is minimal.
If it's one person drinking one soft drink and the others on cocktails or large G&Ts then it's a big deal.
A cocktail's about £13.50, so the difference is huge.

we split bills but will often split alcohol and food separately as we tend to eat similar but drink differently. however Def would notice if someone hadn't had pudding and we all had, or someone had had a starter only and we'd all had mains so we'd have taken that out of the split

Ah, flashbacks to a colossal argument between my two sisters. The one who ordered starters, steak, and wine insisted it was only proper and polite to split the bill evenly. While the one who had French onion soup and water went absolutely mental at her. 😅

...Since then I thoroughly believe in just paying for what you had unless the difference is negligible.

where do you go that a coke is £7-8 or a glass of wine is £3? it might ONLY be a fiver, but add in a couple of drinks and it soon adds up

I don't mind splitting bills but only when it's done fairly.

I'm the poor person in pretty much every group I ever go out with and I make an explicit point of saying I'll be paying my fair share. Nobody ever comments.

I used to work with a woman who when she was driving made a point of drinking tap water and paid only for her own food. When she wasn't driving she'd happily down a bottle of wine, liqueur coffees, cocktails, a starter and pud then argue that we split the bill equally. Vs me who was still on tap water and a salad. Awful awful woman.

I don't think this means you left a £16 tip. Your £16 would have been lost in the roundings making everyone else's bill a little bit less.

Who needs 'friends', seriously..

So have I and yet I am still alive and well and whatever someone else thinks about me is absolutely none of my business. What is my business is being short of money because I had to finance someone's filet mignon without it being agreed in advance.

For this exact reason OP I only ever went if it was someone's birthday and they didn't get a present from me because I considered my subsidising the bill to be my gift to them. On the rare occasion I'd go and it wasn't a birthday, I'd say when the bill came "I'm skint at the moment and can only afford to pay for my own meal and drinks" then hand over the correct amount of cash for my share. There may be an awkward silence for a moment, but honestly nobody can argue with it, they'd literally have to say they wanted you to subsidise them! Unless they're absolutely appalling they're not going to say that to your face. Someone's just going to ask if everyone wants to do the same or whether the rest will split the bill as usual. If it's too awkward just go to the loo or something until they've regained their composure.

I think it's easier to pay your own when it's card cos you have the "right money" on you, but when most people paid cash, and then May needs£2 back please and Dandy only has a £20 note and Cheryl forgot to count her 2nd dessert and who have the brulee?? it can get hard work quickly only to realise you all paid roughly the same anyway

My view is that good etiquette dictates everyone pays for their own unless the person who had the cheapest individual bill says they are happy to split as a generous gesture. So if I have the least, i might offer to split down the middle. But if i have the most, I say ill get my own.

It’s very bad manners for the person who had more to suggest splitting - but some people are grabby. Depending on how I feel I’ll either agree and say something like “Yes, im happy to pay £x more and split” to make clear that - even though im happy to cover - it is a subsidy offer. If Im not happy paying, ill just say “I’d rather just get my own”. It also makes it easier of youve got the cash to hand to make it quicker for the server.

It is annoying people dont seem to understand basic good manners. That said, times are tough and some people are hard-up and noone can really object if you just say you’d rather pay your own and it comes to £x. You know this isnt you being tight - it’s just fair. The way you know it’s not tightness is that you’d also speak up if splitting would mean someone subsidising you.

I think if a friend is always on the scrounge, its best to avoid meals out (or trips away) or agree a tactic in advance with an ally in the group.

One of us usually pays the bill and we transfer what we owe including tip. If we are all drinking wine we just split the bill.

You need to speak up though good friends should notice and bring it up for you. When my friend’s dw was alive we always split the bill 5 ways because she ate only chips and drank lemonade (for medical and fussiness reasons) and they had lots of extra costs, the other two couples offered to cover his but he always refused

It's not even speaking about it, it's the rolled eyes, the dramatic sigh, the deliberate "Oh this is such a HASSLE" when getting a menu and everyone starts to work out what they had.

It's either the terminally thoughtless or - as PPs have said - those who are quietly hoping to get away with freeloading that are the ones who huff and puff about it. Anyone half way decent wouldn't give it a second thought it someone wanted to pay for their own.

If you were responsible for paying the bill then you shouldn't have decided to split it evenly without first satisfying yourself that thet would be fair.

If your friend only consumed £6.50 worth but was charged £20 why did you only give her a tenner back?

Of course the OP's friends know that she has consumed far less than she is paying for. And you should have realised that too

By the big spenders? Of course it is - people love to share the bill so they pay less.

1. Take cash (you can pretty much work out how much you need beforehand if you look at the menu)
2. Match them - order cocktails/mocktails instead of soft drinks
3. Don't go

it All depends. Usually I’m left figuring it out and go with what people have ordered as someone might have just had a starter and others two courses. If we are all pretty much the same then I’ll split it. It gets confusing when some people pay with card some cash as inevitably someone’s share will be £17 including tip and they’ll throw down a £20 and I have to figure out everyone’s change too! Then if the restaurant won’t take tip on the card it’s a nightmare. Anyhoo we tend to go with individual amounts. When it’s one to one we either take turns paying, or split it or pay what we ordered - it rather depends on who I’m out with!
We are pretty mindful of the fact some people only ever order a salad or starter so try and make it as equitable as possible.

Obviously you should speak up and I’m sure no one will begrudge you paying your fair share. That said, and I’m sure I’ll get plenty of hate for this, I find it tiresome when it’s always the same person who orders one tiny starter, doesn’t drink and only wants tap water, no dessert. I would never say anything but it does ruin the vibe of a nice dinner out, which as a friend group we rarely get the chance to do these days. We do plenty of cheap days out as a group so if it were me and I were trying to lose weight or save money I’d just decline the dinner invite if I couldn’t afford it or didn’t actually want to eat a meal. It’s not about wanting someone else to subside your bill, it just changes the atmosphere somehow.

yeah id always say no alcohol for me so not paying for that - or before we even sit down we agree that drinks are on a different bill or you go up and order at bar and pay at the time

I voted YABU as you chose not to say anything 🤷‍♀️

You know you can ask the waiter when you order for everyone to have a separate bill, right?

This happened to us in germany same old story people who would never order the main they had if it wasnt being split. What I loved though was it apears they don't split in Germany and are fully digitally equipt to deal with it. Waiter just went round asked what you had and swipeded it off the bill one ding with the card done move onto the next.

Watching the cheeky fuckers faces having to cough up for what they had actually ordered was the best part of the meal!!

They aren’t friends worth having if they say something like that

It's not being a cheapskate to refuse to subsidise other people.