Does anyone else dislike splitting the bill?

[Savedbythebell36]

Unless you've had something very similar and the price difference is pennies.
I went out with a group of friends the other week, I don't drink alcohol and most of them do. I had a starter as a main course, and two diet cokes.
It came to £33 each when splitting, even though my starter was i think £8.99 and two cokes around £8 in total.

That included a tip, but that would've meant me leaving a £16 tip which sounds extreme. I wish I'd spoken up really, next time I will but you're labelled as 'tight' if you do that. I asked them to confirm again, and nobody said 'you've only had a starter/soft drinks whereas we had more.'

It does put me off going sometimes but I suppose if your friends call you tight/cheapskate then they aren't real friends? I'm on more of a budget too.

Just say before the meal that you are only going to pay for what you eat / drink. If they cannot accept that, they are no friends of yours.

Honestly I think you need better friends. None of my friends would call each other tight over something like this.

We usually split the bill as the majority of the places we have been to recently have been sharing plates and everyone drinks about the same amount and the same thing.

When we have had different things, for example if one of us was pregnant and not drinking then we have split the alcohol separately, but often found it was about the same with the price of non-alcoholic drinks these days.

It’s an utter minefield. Our friendship groups tend to split the bill. We did have an ‘incident’ where we had a non-drinker complain in a PA manner as they somehow felt the need to. However, they had an entire seafood platter (for 2) to themselves as a main in addition to a standard entree and several soft drinks. The platter cost four times the amount of anyone else’s single main meal. Needless to say we told them to shut it quick smart.

Well I think its unfair of your friends to ask you to pay the same as them when you had less. But I know how uou feel, its happened to me too. I once had luch with a (much more well off) friend, she had a main course, I just had a soup to save money. She said to split the bill, that soup cost me £14....she knew my situation, I really dont know how it happened. I wanted to speak up but didn't want to look like a skinflint....but it still rankles me a bit....

Its really hard to speak up when you are the less well off friend and you dont want to appear to be squabbling over a few quid.

I always ask for a separate bill upfront, don’t be a wimp. As others have said, it’s always the big spenders who want to split so let them. We buy our own so if we want to splash the cash we can guilt free, if we want to buy something cheap then we can also do that 🤷‍♀️

So, we have this situation in our friendship group. I am one of the drinkers. It is usually fine but at the last meal there was a vast difference in the cost of the food for the non-drinkers (drinkers all ordered vegetarian, the meat menu was literally £20 pp more.) In addition, a bunch of starters which my DH and I weren't able to eat were ordered. We split the cost of the meal as per previous custom, but I have to say I was very cross indeed when the whip around came for our drinks as I felt we'd already covered the cost, given the differential in the food, if that makes sense. The reason for the non-drinking is religious, so we held our tounges, but I think next time it's going to be separate cheques for us.

Your friends are the tight ones expecting you to subsidise their dinners! Why should you? As you say if there is only a small difference it doesn't matter, but when you haven't even had a main meal and don't have the more expensive drinks, you shouldn't be paying the same as those who have.

It's not up to others to notice what you're eating
Why? Has it really become such hard work to pay a bit attention to others and show some consideration?

I’m more team bill splitter, but whenever me and my friends go for a meal we all order pretty similar things and we always have a few drinks.
You need to speak up in these situations and say before you start ordering “can I have a separate bill” and the server will keep your orders separate.

alcohol should have been divided by the drinkers and food divided by everyone who ate

It is usually fine but at the last meal there was a vast difference in the cost of the food for the non-drinkers (drinkers all ordered vegetarian, the meat menu was literally £20 pp more.)
Just out of curiosity, which restaurant has vegetarian mains £20 cheaper than fish or meat dishes?

Apart from the fact this transfers responsibility from the person only having a starter to speak up for themself, onto other people, if you were seated at a large table, why would you notice what the person down the other end was eating?

How is it you that is being the cheapskate? They are the ones who don't want to pay for their food!
Maybe they don't notice what you have ordered, I probably wouldn't. Just speak up and say you'll be paying for your own.

I wouldn't give a shite. YOUR cheap because you won't pay towards something they have ate and drank? Rather be cheap than a cheeky f__ker.

Why are you friends with horrible people?

Why do you think OP can’t speak for herself?

And the reply is something along the lines of: "Haha, I'm not a cheapskate, you're a flippin' freeloader if you think I should pay more than what my meal cost to subiside yours!"

Generally when I am eating out we go through the bill and compare what people had. If all the drinks and meals are ballpark the same amount we split it by people otherwise we pay for what we have or work out a fair split.
Split equally it's £20 each but Jane had an extra drink and Betty didn't have a starter so if Betty pays £15, Jane pays £25 and everyone else pays £20 does that seem fair?

People probably don’t really notice what you’ve had. I wouldn’t necessarily notice that, in a group, someone’s main was from the starter menu for example.
Just speak up, no one reasonable would think you were tight for not wanting to pay double what you owed. If you’ve actually been called a cheapskate for not wanting to pay double the cost, then they are the unreasonable person and you can ignore their opinion.

I’d only think it was annoying if it was literally penny pinching eg someone saying “you’ve said I owe £38.68 but actually mine comes to £38.56. Then I’d internally roll my eyes.

If they call you a cheapskate you have to turn it back on them. If you end up paying for their food doesn't that that then make them a cheapskate.

I got stung twice 1st time was 40% above my spend and 2nd time was 150% I put it a stop to it after that

On every occasion I've split the bill with friends, if someone feels they've had more than the others they'll say, and we kind of all seem to note when someone's had significantly less (like in your case) and would suggest for them to pay less. Being tight is squabbling over £1 because you had half a coke, not a pint of coke, this isn't being tight. A friend would not want to see you out of pocket. You should speak up.

I said YABU because you should have spoken up for yourself. Just learn from this and make sure you ask for a separate bill when you order next time.

I think the bill splitting situation can be an awkward one when out as a group because if everyone decided to pay exactly to the penny of what they ordered then it becomes a faff for the server and taking however many different payments etc.

Among our friend group we do always split the bill but we also have been friends for a long time and it all eventually balances out so we are all happy with it, none of us would be at all bothered though if someone who had spent considerably less didn’t want to pay double though.

Yes it’s a tricky one. Some good points here.

Firstly - yes annoyingly you can’t rely on your friends to notice (or choose to notice) … either they aren’t on a budget so are not conscious of the difference, or don’t consider it after a few glasses of wine or as someone else said - they know what they are doing (though if I think about my friends I would hope that not to be the case - who knows?)

I really like @tootyflooty’s suggestion. If you are closer to / better friends with one person in the group, could you say / message them beforehand and say ‘look I don’t want people to think I am being a cheap skate but nor to I want to pay for the others’ steak and wine, so when the bill comes would you mind being the one mentioning that It shouldn't be split totally equally as X hasn’t been drinking wine and didn’t have a main course’

You should of course just be able to say ‘well I’ve worked out mine plus service so please take that off the bill’ but it can be awkward so I think a closer friend at the table if there is one is a great idea..

YABU to whine about it and expect others to mentally add up your portion of the total when they can’t even be arsed to add up their own bills. Why would they?

You should say when you sit down, before even ordering your food that you will pay your own bill because you’re only having X and no booze.

If they actually dare to call you names over it, then they’re not really your friends, are they?