To tell dd to just lie and call in sick over Xmas ?

[JustCallinSick]

Dd (26). AuDHD and MH struggles including ongoing eating disorder ,anxiety and OCD has been working for 5 years now.

She has never taken a day off sick. She has struggled in with viruses , on bad days , with severe period pain. She loves routine. Every year she has had to work Xmas. 6 hours xmas eve, all day Xmas day and 6 hours Boxing Day. She has never complained (but her boss is really not very nice).

This year (ages ago too!) she requested Xmas period off. This has been rejected and she’s so so upset. She has been feeling worse lately and has had to take more medication for MH and we paid for private therapy so she could go outside of work. We have family visiting this year from abroad and have a lot of plans she is looking forward to.

Her boss has told her that the priority is those with children not her.

Dd is so upset. I’ve calmed her down and told her to just call in sick. There’s nothing they can do and she’s never had a day off before so they can’t say a word. The alternative is battling it out with them . She has also started to look for a new job but she won’t just quit.

AIBU to have suggested this ? It just seems like the easiest option.

Has she got that in writing and the fact he /she expects her to work because she has no children ?

I'm inclined to think she should just leave. Her boss sounds horrendous.

Hi op they are obviously taken advantage of her it’s not about others having kids it’s about fairness could you tell her to ask again and explain family are here from abroad that she’s not seen for a long time and she has given them every year so it must be her turn. If not tell her to go sick with work stress and anxiety around the 20th of December and get a sick note until 3rd of January.

Can DD look for another job. Honestly life is short and sounds like she's being unfairly asked to cover Christmas period here as she doesn't have children. I'd be tempted to find another job and give notice and not work the Christmas period...

I had similar op. knew I had a big family wedding one new years eve plus all family home for Xmas and I was hosting. had about 40 on Xmas day plus similar numbers next day. had saved both my holidays plus money to take that time off. so booked it and had it approved the previous January. there was one girl who had to cover my work when I was off now she had to work two days between Xmas and New year plus Xmas eve ( finished early Xmas eve ) and I had the day before Xmas eve booked off around beginning of November discussions began over Xmas and taking time off for hols in office. I didn't get involved but then she went and tried to book Xmas eve off and hr ( we had no manager at the time due to take over and some redundancies ) said no as wexone is off. Well she threw her rattles out of the pram big time. she was how wtf I am not working Xmas eve. she ended up whinging to the head of the company so then I got pulled in. he was like why are you off Xmas eve -I politely said my reason why I had it approved in Jan by hr and my manager its all there on record he was like but come on your have no children x does can you not work Xmas eve I was a bit taken aback and was like no i have stuff on and want to see my family. he then said I can't have it off and that all my approved holiday for that time would have to be reviewed. I was in shock and close to tears as this was a company I had done hours of free overtime for plus so much extra. I just left. I had been looking around for a new job due to the takeove etc and had put feelers out and a few days later got a call about another job it wasn't perfect but went for interview. I got offered it and as I only had to give one weeks notice plus had holidays and savings I proudly went on a few days before Xmas eve and handed in my notice. they were shocked and I did tell them one of the reasons why was my holidays cancelled as I don't have kids. she had to work Xmas eve 😅 god love her and all over Xmas she wasn't happy I heard and she made huge f ups - thought she could do my job better too 😅 I only worked the new job for 6 months before getting a better one after that too so it all worked out.
the fact your daughter has worked the past few Xmas and they won't allow her off this year is shocking Xmas is for everyone not just kids..I love the time off between Xmas and new year.as it's relaxed for me and not going back to work to 2000 mails either
defo time for her to take a break and look for a new job

Does she have a contact?
set hours/ days?
Christmas and anti social hours set out?
also going to work when sick does not get you brownie points it just shows you will turn up regardless

OP, I was your daughter once - I was single, no children, and worked for a firm of solicitors where almost all the secretaries had kids and took the day before Christmas Eve to the day after New Year off. I only ever took 25th/26th December and 1st January off and covered their urgent work for them (I was not a secretary). There was nobody else who did that.

Then one year I went on a 2-week long-haul trip - booked well in advance - over Christmas and New Year. My goodness, how they bitched! But my boss had my back.

All that to say ... your daughter has a shit boss..

If you're sure she won't get fired for calling in sick at Christmas, I think it's a reasonable option. After all, they are the ones who aren't playing fair, when she's worked every other holiday for some time. I get giving priority to people with children but I don't think that should mean the people without children get NO holidays off at all!

Can I ask a Q please? When you say, 'raise it with corporate' would the employee go above their manager and email HR? Is this what you mean? And email them the issue to see if they could reverse the decision or email asking for a meeting (with union rep?) or raise it immediately as a grievance?

My DD works in retail and has had something similar happen to her re annual leave over the festive period.
TIA

Sad that somewhere like a restaurant doesn’t offer double pay and ask for volunteers on Christmas Day . It’s hardly an essential service, like a hospital, where they NEED to open.

I agree but wait until November if it’s one month’s notice. Partly to stuff them as they’ll find it harder to get someone all over Christmas at short notice. Partly because she will hopefully find a job that she can start in the New Year and won’t have a long period of unemployment.

They may even ask her to do some days in the Christmas period that she doesn’t mind doing which would start her on a positive note.

It’ll be fine, they’ll just have to instruct a couple of the ones with children that their leave has been cancelled. They’ll just have to negotiate a few different days instead!

It's restaurant work - they'll find a replacement in days.

Don't pull a sickie. Hand in her notice. She can’t continue to work there.

Please, please do this for your daughter. Tell her you are going to phone in sick for her on Christmas Eve, and that's that. Take the worry off her shoulders immediately.

NO job is worth any mental health stress. There are many thousands of jobs out there, she needs to find another one. Your words are very concering, she should not be "devastated" about missing a couple of days off work.

Don't bother with complaints, they will just treat her even more poorly and it will massively add to her stress, totally not worth it for a job she will likely move on from soon anyway.

It would be absolutely ideal if she could get another job and leave them before Christmas, as that way she can let them know she already has a planned Christmas holiday with her family and can't work then.

She now knows a truth we must all learn - bosses do not care about you, co workers are not your friends. Work is entirely transactional, though some are a bit nicer than others. But in the end, they will always shove you under the bus if it suits the higher ups or those with more clout in the hierarchy.

In the meantime, please just tell her you will make the call on Christmas Eve.

Your dd does have family. It’s not fair at all. 1/ she makes a big fuss or 2/ go off sick quietly - careful not to incriminate herself…..

I would ring up and resign just before my 24th December shift was due to start, that will leave the manager with a well deserved problem.

Many (not all) employers would not piss on you if you were on fire. Your daughter should take the days off sick, enjoy Xmas, look for a new job in the background.

I wouldn’t do it so close to Christmas.

Id get her to the drs mid December and get her signed off sick with mental health etc for a couple of weeks before / over Christmas.

That way, she can have her time with her family and also search for a new job over Christmas.

I wouldn’t usually agree and say don’t fake sickness but I think in this instance it’s justified and necessary.

If her employer has kept her on for five years. He'd be on thin ice giving her a meh reference.

Honestly, this would be fair. When I was 18 I had a low on the totem pole position in an office. My boyfriend at the time booked us a holiday, flights, all inclusive to a little hotel in Spain. It was a surprise and so kind of him. Obviously, he should have checked with me first but he was trying to do a nice thing and it was three months away. I put in for my time off and they refused it. No reason, just a no.

I waited till two weeks before and handed in my notice, went on my holiday, and had another job lined up for when I came back. There was absolutely no way I was missing a nice holiday for some office job, even at that age I knew that would be nuts.

When you look back on things, you realise how unimportant some stuff is. We are never repaid for putting our needs and wants last over our jobs, it's a purely transactional relationship. She'll get far more value out of Christmas with her family than a job where she's treated like a commodity no matter how hard she works.

Yes, this is fair.

Is there a HR, I don’t see how not having children means you don’t ever get Christmas off. Failing that I agree, call in sick.

I used to work in a hotel/restaurant/bar, which was open 365 days a year.
We all had to work Christmas, in short shifts (so everyone got the choice of one of 3 shorter - 5 hour - shifts.) Is there any change on her getting a shift which is the least bad option? I used to like the 10-3 shift, as I got it over early, and had the rest of the day to enjoy.
The assumption that those with kids shoud have priority is very wrong. Sadly, hospitality seems to get away with a lot of this. I would have thought if she called in sick, she might have to be prepared to be managed out of her job. It was a rule in my old workplace that if you didn't have an official sickline for Christmas absence, then you would be looking for a new job......

They won't believe she is sick over Xmas after she has requested it and been refused, particularly if you cannot get her GP to sign off on it. Giving the leave only to people with children is not fair, in my view, but is very widespread.
You are wrong they can do nothing, I wouldn't be surprised if it caused a written warning, is that likely to cause more upset than not getting Christmas off- that's what you have to weigh up.