To tell dd to just lie and call in sick over Xmas ?

[JustCallinSick]

Dd (26). AuDHD and MH struggles including ongoing eating disorder ,anxiety and OCD has been working for 5 years now.

She has never taken a day off sick. She has struggled in with viruses , on bad days , with severe period pain. She loves routine. Every year she has had to work Xmas. 6 hours xmas eve, all day Xmas day and 6 hours Boxing Day. She has never complained (but her boss is really not very nice).

This year (ages ago too!) she requested Xmas period off. This has been rejected and she’s so so upset. She has been feeling worse lately and has had to take more medication for MH and we paid for private therapy so she could go outside of work. We have family visiting this year from abroad and have a lot of plans she is looking forward to.

Her boss has told her that the priority is those with children not her.

Dd is so upset. I’ve calmed her down and told her to just call in sick. There’s nothing they can do and she’s never had a day off before so they can’t say a word. The alternative is battling it out with them . She has also started to look for a new job but she won’t just quit.

AIBU to have suggested this ? It just seems like the easiest option.

I was ready to say you Abu but it actually sounds as if your daughter is unwell. You obviously cannot plan illness (unless a scheduled procedure), but it does sounds like your DC needs an OH assessment. Favouring those with children is ridiculous and unfair. If your work in a sector that requires people to work on Xmas day if should be equally shared, either split shits or an understanding that you get the first choice the next year. Many people with children (or adult children) have other equally valid reasons to need/want Xmas day off!

Yes I think there’s a case for genuinely being signed off sick. A friend of mine used to work every Christmas and she requested it off a couple of years in a row (after already working it for years in a row) and got declined. Then, instead of asking she said “I am taking Christmas off next year, and you have a year to find cover. If you refuse to grant leave this year, I am going to be ill”. They found cover.

Do you think there’s anything disability related here OP ? If they’ve sussed out that she’s not up to confrontation they may look on her as the easy solution to Christmas staffing because she’s unlikely to challenge. Are you absolutely sure that the policy is being applied fairly across the board ?

I would firstly check the employment contract if she has one, to see if it specifies that she is required to work bank holidays, or that they are rotated. If other bank holidays are worked on a rota then it makes it more difficult for an employer to justify different arrangements for Christmas. Then get some advice from ACAS.

There is no specific law in the UK that explicitly makes it illegal for a company to give parents priority for Christmas time off because being a parent is not a protected characteristic under the Equality Act. But depending on how the policy is implemented, it may carry legal and fairness risks - for example if it disproportionately disadvantages a specific protected characteristic—such as sex. If women are disproportionately assumed to be primary carers or if men without children are systematically disadvantaged, you could potentially challenge it as indirect discrimination.

Employers have a general obligation to manage annual leave fairly and can’t refuse leave unreasonably. Constantly forcing the same staff to work Christmas every year is unworkable long term.

Does she have a union rep she can speak to? I really hate it when people with children are given priority (I have children and still don’t agree with it!) there should be a much fairer system in place.

Only do this if she’s happy to find a new job very soon. The place is obviously awful, so she probably it should have done this sooner. Don’t worry about Christmas, worry about a brighter future in a new job.

What is the job? What would be the impact on colleagues and customers if she calls in sick at the last minute?

In that case surely she'll find it difficult if she returns to work after Christmas to face a boss who makes it quite clear they know she was lying? Granted they can't actually know but I doubt that would prevent some pretty cutting remarks which I doubt she'd enjoy

I certainly wouldn't recommend lying, but she's doing absolutely the right thing in looking for another job, so here's hoping for a much happier time next year

Absolutely hate unfairness. She has done her turn at Christmas 🎄

I wouldn’t have thought that encouraging her to lie about being ill will be any good for her anxiety. What does she want to do about?

Does she have a bit of money saved ? If so and she was my daughter I’d be encouraging her to the doctors to get a sick note for the next couple of weeks then going back in, handing my notice in and leaving on something like 4th Dec and having a lovely Xmas and new year….while sending a carefully composed letter of resignation to her manager, her area manager and the MD of the company stating everything you’ve told us …fuck them ….no, I’m not a sicknote and yes I’ve always worked hard but her boss is taking the piss and I really feel for her….i massively hate injustice …as I said earlier this will only work if she’s got a few months salary saved up so she can enjoy her time off and not worry…bless her xx

I fucking knew before i opened this thread that this would involve another employer prioritizing those with children

Restaurant

Will it look bad if she’s signed off before getting a new job, she’s been so careful with keeping a perfect attendance that if it’s a negative she will be devastated

honestly…. I agree with you. I’d ring in sick if I was her. That’s really not fair. We work Christmas too (healthcare) and everyone has to take turns. Children or no children. Most people have family or friends they want to spend the festive season with and to say those with children take priority is wholey unfair.
id look for another job AND call in sick

I don’t disagree that her employers are arseholes.

But given her anxiety, is lying about being ill in a situation where even they can’t do anything they’ll know she’s lying, something that she can feasibly copy with?

If she hates confrontation then if she calls in sick, then a hell of a confrontation awaits her when she returns. It sounds like she needs support in contacting her boss.

Usually I would never support throwing a fake sickie however your DD has been treated appallingly by her company. Her boss knows she'll suck it up so has been quite abusive in his/her management style. In this case I would fully support her leaving them in the shit from 23rd and to find another job.

Yes she should pull a sickie but if she wants to be really really petty wait till the rota is out and then hand the notice in the week before Christmas. That will fuck over co workers so only do that if they’re also shitebags like her boss.

It seems she'd be justified and not lying to take a mental health break - start it a week or so before Xmas self-certified and then go see a doctor for an extension in that period off.

I'd take your daughter to the Drs and have her signed off sick. It does sound as if she may need it, regardless of Christmas. Christmas off could be her bonus.

Is she on a zero hours contract?

If she is then she is allowed to simply say that she isnt available. The downside to that is that they are then allowed to not give her any shifts afterwards until she leaves, as a punishment. Depends on how much she wants to stay there.

The catering trade is crying out for staff so I would have thought getting a new job would be relatively straightforward.

However the 'last one in' often has to pick up the shitty shifts so I would get out there to find a new job, negotiate a start date in the New year and resign on something like 20 Nov giving 4 weeks notice then she could have all of Christmas week off and start afresh come 2nd Jan. Maybe a bit idealistic but staying where she is, isn't working for her and with 5 years experience she should be able to find something better

I did 9 in a row. Year 10 I got pulled out the hat for all Christmas and NY off and you should have heard the whinging
my manager told anyone who complained to work 9 Christmas and NY in a row and come back then and they’ll get the full lot off. Funnily they all stopped complaining

Whilst I do agree that it’s completely unfair for her and she should be able to go to management and fight for her chance of a break on Christmas, some places genuinely are just that shitty and don’t care. With this in mind, if she is determined to have it off, fighting for her chance now, it being rejected and then calling sick later will give them evidence of faking being ill. You mention MH, I would go to gp a week before, get signed off and that’s that.

YANBU. Personally it makes my blood boil when workplaces automatically prioritise people with children over Christmas, as though people who don't have them don't have plans and loved ones of their own that they want to spend time with. Very unfair.