To tell dd to just lie and call in sick over Xmas ?

[JustCallinSick]

Dd (26). AuDHD and MH struggles including ongoing eating disorder ,anxiety and OCD has been working for 5 years now.

She has never taken a day off sick. She has struggled in with viruses , on bad days , with severe period pain. She loves routine. Every year she has had to work Xmas. 6 hours xmas eve, all day Xmas day and 6 hours Boxing Day. She has never complained (but her boss is really not very nice).

This year (ages ago too!) she requested Xmas period off. This has been rejected and she’s so so upset. She has been feeling worse lately and has had to take more medication for MH and we paid for private therapy so she could go outside of work. We have family visiting this year from abroad and have a lot of plans she is looking forward to.

Her boss has told her that the priority is those with children not her.

Dd is so upset. I’ve calmed her down and told her to just call in sick. There’s nothing they can do and she’s never had a day off before so they can’t say a word. The alternative is battling it out with them . She has also started to look for a new job but she won’t just quit.

AIBU to have suggested this ? It just seems like the easiest option.

You never know, she may actually be very unwell over the Christmas period; then what will they do? Will they have staff on standby? I'm actually curious about that.

No. The stress of worrying about calling in sick won’t be good for her. Her Boss needs to cope on. He has no right to make this decision.
I worked in a 24/7 role. I always had Christmas Day off though I worked Christmas Eve, St Stephen’s day/Boxing Day and done a double over the new year eve/day.
Seven new years eve rang in sitting in a shit call centre.

Do all you can to help your DD find a new job.

Pity that you cannot name the restaurant as it would identify your DD.

I don't usually agree with people swinging the lead like that, but I absolutely hate the prioritisation of people with children every Christmas, every single year.

If you work in a restaurant then its likely you need to work on Christmas. If everyone just called in sick it would impact on those paying customer. Maybe time to look for another job, and even in case of a genuine illness, they never believe it when its a period when leave has been declined.

Tell her to sign with an agency and she should get hired immediately

Reframing it doesn’t remove the fact that going against a person who is confrontational in nature will become a confrontation.

In an ideal world @JustCallinSick she’d be able to get a new job starting in the NY and give notice far enough ahead on this one to finish before Christmas.

I can see why this time it seems the only option is to call in sick, but I’d struggle with the guilt and she might, too. And what if family post on socials or something and it becomes obvious she isn’t ill? They are treating her very unfairly, does her contract say anything specific or is their ‘parents get first dibs’ just a verbal policy?

Not 6 years in a row.

She needs to stop being so accommodating. Calls in sick when she is sick, doesn't do the last-minute shift, takes her exact length of break, leaves on time.

And get a new job. Hospitality is desperate for good workers. But if she calls in sick over Christmas when she has asked for it as holiday, they will assume she is not ill.

Literally she can give her week/month's notice and have a new job by the end of November.

YANBU, but I’d be doing everything can to help her find a new job. If she can afford it or you’re willing I’d let her quit and tell them her last working day will be 23rd Dec.

She needs a new job

I’d say get her signed off and give her an appointment with a herbalist as her Christmas present.

If she/ you can afford to have her quit I would do that. I’ve worked in places where I cried on the way in and cried on the way home and one day decided enough is enough. The relief I felt on quitting was huge and my health mental and physical improved almost immediately.

if she can’t quit then get her signed off now so they have enough time to sort out the rota. Her boss sounds a right knobhead and likely to be petty or vindictive if she calls in sick on the day. She also won’t be able to enjoy Xmas as she will be worried a) about lying b) getting found out c) what her boss will say when she returns and d) she won’t be able to be seen to be enjoying Xmas with family as she’s officially not supposed to be off. So no social media posts, sneaking round, having to look ill if you do go out on planned trips etc in case she gets caught. Quit now, she might be in time for the Xmas temps in supermarkets / shops etc which only require Xmas Eve or Boxing Day working if at all (many shops are doing the whole “we value our staff and want them to have a proper break”). Either way, this job is playing havoc with her mh and she needs to leave. Also, wtf? Parents get priority over child free at Xmas? I’m child free and it really rankles when ppl expect you to give up your Xmas time so that parents can spend the precious time with their little ones.

Could she work until mid November and give notice then. I know she would have no job in Dec but at least she would have the time off. It sounds like she needs it. She may be worried about you calling in sick for her and she having to return to the workplace after the sick leave

If she is autistic she may get stressed abput telling half truths and covering up. A clean break is better.

I'm also wondering whether she’ll even be able to lie when she calls in? She sounds very honest and conscientious. As other PPs have said, it might be too anxiety inducing for her to go through with it and then enjoy Christmas.

Her boss sounds awful, though. I also agree with PPs that she should hand in her notice before Christmas and find herself a new job. She’ll get a good reference as things stand, which might not happen if she gets caught out in a lie.

Ring in for her and say she has diarrhea and vomiting and can't come to the phone, she isn't allowed to then work in a restaurant for 48 hours after her last bout of diarrhea or vomiting. Good luck

If she’s at risk from burnout etc from having a conversation about her holiday dates, I think lying to her manager about being ill and then having to return to work to face everyone on the 27th having done so will cause huge levels of anxiety. I suspect she will not enjoy Christmas one bit.

Her manager sounds like an arse-I would support her with writing an email to them/HR and getting a new job!

In that case calling in sick last minute is really suspicious and it will mean everyone else who is working those days will have to cover her customers. I think the boss would want proof of illness or she would be facing the sack. Telling him now in October that she is leaving is one thing but dumping on her colleagues last minute is really unacceptable. She would not get a good reference either.

I think it sounds like she needs a new job. You say the boss isn't very nice. This is her cue to escape and go somewhere nicer.

I thought it was quite unreasonable until I read that she is being made to suck it up so payments can have priority. Fuck them. She should have a lovely long skive and make it thoroughly convincing! Merry Christmas to you both!

Nothing should make you feel this way especially a job causing mental health .. I think she should go off sick get signed off ..
Have some breathing space and then look for something else thats right for her.
No job or horrible boss is more important than your daughters health x

Doing this on Christmas eve will be soooo suspicious that I think you will find that if there is any evidence that she was not ill.ie one Instagram or Facebook picture of her, or a colleague seeing her about would lead to her being dismissed. Rightly so. Leaving your colleagues to cover your work on Christmas Day is so to low behaviour. If the OPs daughter is as insecure as she sounds sge would not even enjoy the time off. She needs to speak to the boss now nit leave it to the last minute.

I think this would be the best thing for the OP’s DD. It sounds like she’s at risk of having no option but to go off sick if this situation carries on.

💯