AIBU: It’s a vegan one

[FiveMetresUp]

We have a work event scheduled for just before Christmas. All staff are invited along with their spouses and children. There will be food, Santa, games, etc. It sounds like a lot of fun. I am quite new to the company. I asked the organizer if our vegan family would be catered for and she said she “would try”. AIBU to be a little annoyed at this?

We have been vegan for a long time. I don’t talk about it unless it comes up in conversation or, as is the case here, we have been invited to an event. We are always grateful when people cater to us, but most of the time they don’t bother.

AIBU to just not go? It would be a shame because it sounds like a lot of fun, but if the organizer can’t be bothered to lay on a few bits of vegan food, then I don’t feel that my family and I are welcome.

AIBU?

Yes, rather than adopting 'the only vegan in the village' mentality, she needs to speak to her manager as this is not the first time it's happened.

The fact she hasn't is the reason it's still happening.

@Notanotherslice sorry if that is how it came across, I’m not really like that.

Not the same but my son has allergies and I could never fully trust that things would be safe for him. (Things have improved a lot over time tho) I would take some plain crisps , fruit, sweets and make do, if there is suitable stuff it’s a bonus.
Also just to say when children got free milk at school I had to supply vegan milk so my son could join in.

@JabbaTheBeachHut i actually think my manager would be furious that we hadn’t been catered for. But then I’d look like a tittle-tattle.

I bet you are a joy at kids parties and i bet your kids eat normal food when you are not looking

It's sad that your children won't have the opportunity to eat mainstream food, rather than the limited choice they have been indoctrinated with.

@oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends I would say that YOU are more likely the ‘indoctrinated’ one.

I would check in with her again and ask what is happening about the vegan options as your family will only be able to come if you are catered for, and wouldn't it be a shame if your family were excluded from this wonderful event.

Oh stop it now.

You're a grown woman.

You can speak up about this normal run-of-the-mill issue and get it sorted, or you can choose to use phrases like 'tittle tattle' and remain unhappy at all catered events.

You're the one making this harder with the 'only vegan in the village' attitude.

Yanbu to expect suitable catering at a work event. It’s perfectly fine to ask and hopefully this will be provided.

Yabu to decide not to go on the basis of the food and complain how unfair that is for your kids. It’s a shame for them to miss out on the fun so you can make a point. In that scenario you would be unreasonable and so would your work, both things can be true.

I am scared of being seen as making a fuss. At the conference, I was made to feel so unreasonable. The organiser from our company said, “well, there’s fruit!”. For 5 days. And I overheard her mimicking me. It was really humiliating.

I can't eat at buffets if there is any shellfish - have a really bad allergy and cross-contamination triggers it. And people touch everything and are super gross. I'm used to bringing my own shelf stable snacks around.

I don't think this woman said no, she said she was looking into it. I genuinely can't work out why you won't speak to someone else about it though if this is an ongoing issue. How else can you affect change if you won't do anything? Seems totally bizarre that they'd open themselves up to issues with those with allergies if they won't organise alternatives for people who needs them.

I grew up vegetarian and meat would make me ill when I started eating it. (I persevered though!). Even taking the emotional/social issues to the side, there could be a physical issue expecting someone to eat dairy or meat who isn't used to it.

I also work at a Uni and we cater pretty much everything vegetarian as a starting point. Then we add in gluten free / dairy free / vegan / whatever. It's just standard nowadays so am bewildered this is even a problem.

That's a non sequitur.
I'm an omnivore & will happily try anything - apart from artificial factory-made foodstuffs that are sold as vegan.

That is shite. I organise large events at work and this is always aaked and accounted for. We pass numbers to caterer and it's no hassle, nor extra cost per person

OK so that's actually actionable

Bullying by exclusion for one and two discrimination and three a hostile work environment

No one respects a doormat so get them told. Speak to your manager.

Well thats the problem then.
If the event is catered the food will have already been discussed, ordered and paid for with everyone's known dietary requirements catered for, you then saying oh BTW my family and I are vegan after all the arrangements are made is unfortunately too late to make any major changes now without huge financial penalties.
However now the organisers know that theres a vegan family future events should cater for you too just not this one

I may be wrong, but I didn't read that as a judgey comment - especially with the word 'technically' - just as a statement of fact, to draw attention to the silliness of saying that somebody with any food preferences (with no allergies or similar) will or won't die if they don't get their preferences.

That isn't to say that preferences shouldn't be respected and catered for - especially when they're grounded in ethical concerns; but it's daft to say that you will die if there isn't the food that you require provided for you.

I used to organise work events with food. There was a policy that 10% of the food provided had to be suitable for vegans. Most of it ended up in the bin. Sometimes all of it.

They should be able to make small amedments 2 months before the event. Any caterer I ever dealt with had reasonable cutt off for this. Usually 2 weeks or so before

My DH will also be taking the day off work to bring the kids up to my office. It will be so embarrassing if my office can’t even provide suitable food.

It’s a difficult one. On one hand I don’t want to make a fuss but on the other hand I am thinking she should cater for us.

It’s just one person, no one else is involved in the ordering of food.

You do sound like you want to make a fuss rather than look for solutions.
Bet your kids can’t wait to chomp on a chicken drumstick though!

Making a fuss and asking for what you need is not the same. I think you need to stop worrying what this woman thinks about you and speak up for yourself - now your kids are potentially losing out because you won’t speak up? Stop this. Accept that you’re not going to be best friends with this woman, she probably thinks you are awkward and difficult (you’re not) and just move on. She is doing her best job properly by excluding colleagues. It’s a very very basic requirement to accommodate. Don’t be a martyr just say something.

Shes said she’ll try so take her on her word and give her a week then ask if she’s been able confirm with the caterers yet about your dietary requirements. If she has, great. If she hasn’t, ask her if she can do this please. If she doesn’t then escalate it. She had a chance and didn’t sort it so now the matter is with someone else.

Some people do have really unpleasant 'issues' with people who have different dietary requirements or are particular in any way about what they will or won't eat. I think they often have low self-esteem and see somebody else's choices for them as a criticism of themselves and their own choices - whether to do with diet, clothes, hobbies or pretty much anything.

I think there are also a lot who see food as either 'normal food' or 'vegan food' and don't see why they should have to bother about providing both, especially when non-vegans are in the vast majority and won't like/want 'vegan food', so it will just go to waste - without realising that there is a huge crossover of food that is routinely enjoyed by omnivores and vegans.

Your company is way behind the times of they're not providing veg and vegan options at their company events, especially when it's professionally catered. Caterers are fully able to provide food for special diets and veg and vegan is now mainstream.

I think it's an open form of discrimination and I'd be having a talk with the person over your boss. If your company event won't be inclusive, then that issue needs to be raised.

There's a caterer. So it absolutely would be very unreasonable of the lady organising to not add your families dietary requirements on to the booking. It shouldn't cost anymore, catering to dietary needs should be priced into the companies quote. It is such a small adjustment to the booking details by her, there really is no excuse not to add it on.

I know you are worried about rocking the boat, but I really would just make a casual comment to your manager, something like you aren't sure if your family will make it as you haven't had confirmation yet if they will be catered for, or whether you need to bring your own food. If the organiser isn't doing her job, she needs to be called out. You shouldn't need to do anything other than inform her of your requirements.