AIBU: It’s a vegan one

[FiveMetresUp]

We have a work event scheduled for just before Christmas. All staff are invited along with their spouses and children. There will be food, Santa, games, etc. It sounds like a lot of fun. I am quite new to the company. I asked the organizer if our vegan family would be catered for and she said she “would try”. AIBU to be a little annoyed at this?

We have been vegan for a long time. I don’t talk about it unless it comes up in conversation or, as is the case here, we have been invited to an event. We are always grateful when people cater to us, but most of the time they don’t bother.

AIBU to just not go? It would be a shame because it sounds like a lot of fun, but if the organizer can’t be bothered to lay on a few bits of vegan food, then I don’t feel that my family and I are welcome.

AIBU?

Vegans are everywhere. Loads of them. So it’s not like it’s a niche market. The last event sounds like it was an adults one, but with this being a family one I’m sure any caterer worth their salt would have healthy options to cater for kids at least. Many parents whose family aren’t vegans feed their DCs healthy diets with lots of fruit and veg, especially with school encouraging healthy eating during lunch times. I predict there will be enough options to keep you fed and watered.

As a coeliac, in my experience, events that are in the main about food get catered for, e.g. Christmas meal. Anything that just might have some snacks on the side like this or random food provided as 'staff appreciation' e.g. mince pies at Christmas and there's nothing suitable.

That's my experience at work events across the UK, Canada and the USA.

@FiveMetresUp maybe give her a chance this time and see how it goes. You might have been one of many to mention dietary restrictions and it can be overwhelming sorting it all if you’re arranging catering for large groups of people.

I’d go anyway. Life is too short to sit at home and be pissed off about catering. I have a child that has a restricted diet for medical reasons and we’d rarely go to events that involved food if we only went to ones that could definitely cater to them.

@AlwaysExtraHot I’m not saying the boss is right to dismiss OP’s dietary requirements. What I’m saying is that sometimes things don’t go the way we want them to, and we have to look at our options. OP could fight for her vegan food. Or she could accept it, and work around it (ie eat beforehand or bring her own food). Having already said that it’s a fun family event that her kids would enjoy, it seems somewhat petty to deprive her kids of something fun, because she can’t be bothered with any of the solutions.

The menu for my work Christmas party this year is quite limited, and there’s not really anything on there that I like. So I’ll eat beforehand. This is not a revolutionary idea.

1% of the population. Thats pretty niche

Because the boss's response was 'I'll try' rather than 'Sure, I'll just make sure the caterers know.'

Also the works conference that didn't cater for her was with a separate company and the op says that she doesn't really talk about being vegan at work so its quite likely that the women organising the event had no idea that op and her family are vegan before being asked.

@Cloudsaandcastles it really will depend on what the catering contract says and changes to a set or agreed contact after signing almost always comes with extra cost

I am vegan too (and like you don't really ever feel the need to mention it). I've been to work events all over the world and have always been catered for, it's hardly a niche dietary requirement these days and so easy to cater for. I'd be really pissed off and IMHO she's being difficult for no reason.

@FiveMetresUp I am a little surprised that in this day and age, you are being made to feel uncomfortable about this.

I used to organise events at work and I used to email the staff in bulk and ask if they had any specific dietary requirements, to please let me know by x date. I had diabetics, gluten free, lactose intolerance, vegans, veggies, Muslims needing halal, Jews wanting alternatives to egg and bacon etc. And sometimes I even rearranged events if the planned date fell during Eid.

Yes you have to pay extra for the variety and separation but its an event for all staff and so all staff should be catered for if they want it to be inclusive.

I personally would email the organiser and ask for confirmation that vegan food will be catered for because you do not want your kids left out. Don't feel you are making problems for them - its their job.

You need to frame it as dietary requirements rather than being vegan. People only get annoyed when they feel it's a moral judgement.

(I say this as a current veggie/former vegan.)

The sticking point though is that the easiest, most obvious solution, that doesn't involve the OP having to do things that her colleagues won't (eat beforehand/bring food) is for her to be catered for.
It's discriminatory if one employee has to go to extra lengths that no one else has to. And it's for no good reason.
A menu not having anything that you 'really' like is not the same as an ethical/health choice not being catered for. I've been to things with set menus that I wasn't wild about, but I've still eaten them. It's not a disaster to eat something that's not one of your favourites.

It sends the message that their mum is point blank refusing to have a very quick word in her manager's ear, to solve the problem.

But that's the reality of it, so 🤷‍♂️

Exactly this - I've organised lots of work events and always asked about people's dietary requirements and never worked with a venue or caterer that was unable to work with them.

You are confusing the boss with the office manager who was the one who said she would try

OP just speak to your boss about it - in all my years working I have never seen the behaviour you’ve described (at the event) so it’s worth giving him a heads up as you’re unlikely to be the only one she’s picking on

You are confusing the boss with the office manager who was the one who said she would try
Nonetheless, I'm sure you are able to understand my point, which stands.

Yes I think there's a lot of confusion here.

When I advised the OP to have a word with HER manager, she said...

"i actually think my manager would be furious that we hadn’t been catered for. But then I’d look like a tittle-tattle."

Ridiculous that the OP would rather martyr on and cry 'woe is me', rather than have an adult conversation with someone who will solve the issue.

I think it would be perfectly reasonable to have a quick chat with your manager, just say you and your family were really looking forward to the open day but you're unsure if you'll be catered for so could he/she please have a word with the caterer/office manager. If they want to help you and make you feel welcome and comfortable then take them up on that. If the office manager is awkward with you then thats very much a her problem.

Work events I've been to cater poorly, if at all, for vegan diets, despite the fact that almost everyone can eat vegan stuff.

If we're lucky there'll be one or two plates of stuff, but of course that's usually eaten by all the non-vegans too.

Personally, I'd either eat beforehand or just not go.

If its catered they will surely be able to provide some vegan food as well if requested, wont they?

You'd think it normal to make a tally of dietary needs when arranging such events. Or even just send a spreadsheet for people to fill it themselves.
Surely the caterers charge different amounts for different selections of food and they need to know how many of each thing roughly?

Neither will vegans…I hate being forced to eat vegan a full vegan menu. I‘m sure vegans would hate to be forced to eat non vegan too.

The OP is correct - just look at the vitriol directed towards vegans on many MN threads.

No, it wasn't. That was the party organiser (office manager I think she said), she's already said if she went to the boss they'd support her, she just doesn't want to make a fuss.

She can't go back in time and change what the office manager said (who might have every intention of ensuring there's something there) and she doesn't want to do anything else - so she really just wants to have a moan about not being thought of in the first instance.

If you keep going to work events where they're not catering for your dietary requirements, you need to stop being a wet lettuce and speak to HR. Advocate for yourself. You have a voice.

Just don't go if you feel your needs aren't being catered for and they are being unsympathetic.