to say no to sisters request for no alcohol over Xmas?

[ChristmasDrinking]

My sister has been in a relationship with a man since May. He used to have alcohol issues but has apparently been sober for 3 years. He seems nice and they seem happy.

We take it in turn to host Christmas and this year is our year. Everyone usually comes on Christmas Eve and goes home on Boxing Day. We have a party on Christmas Eve which includes alcohol, Christmas Day which includes drinks with dinner and a few drinks through the afternoon/evening and then a chilled out Boxing Day, which is usually a long walk with our dogs and a late lunch before everyone leaves.

My sister has requested that there be no alcohol this year due to her partner. I’m not particularly bothered as I don’t drink much, but my husband, adult children, my brother and his wife and my adult nieces would like to be able to have a drink.

I have suggested that my sister and her partner just come for Christmas dinner and we’ll have it with no alcohol, but she wants to be here for as long as everyone else. She is saying her partner is family and we should all be willing to have no alcohol for him.

AIBU to say no to her and that they can either just come for an alcohol free dinner, or accept that there will be some alcohol around due to it being our house, Christmas and other people wanting it.

On one hand she's unreasonable to impose an alcohol ban but on the other, she's part of your family and her partner is a recovering alcoholic. In your situation, I'd have an alcohol free Christmas - you can have mocktails and great drinks and help your sister and her partner in his recovering process having a great family together.

However I'm saying this when as a family we don't drink much even in Christmas. My adult kids and their partners rarely drink - may have a beer/wine but prefer water/ fresh juices. Same with us. I'd prefer to have my sister and partner enjoying the festivities, than alowing alcohol to create a difficult family situation at this time of the year.

Good luck in telling the family.

No way would I agree to that. No one would come.

I’d tell her no way!

If they make it to Christmas it’ll be impressive. Stand your ground, but do it nicely if you love your sister and she isn’t Norma a self entitled brat. Explain you have comoeteting priorities here and have to balance things.

Just say no I’m sorry not going to happen but I’m happy to provide an area that is alcohol free with plenty of juices, schloer, fizzy drinks etc. Found out yesterday Husbands Cousin has requested for his partner Christmas day is Vegan no meat at all to be on the premises before she’ll even consider coming 🙄 The’ve been together 9 months.

Instead of telling her no way, can you ask her if he’s told her he will only attend if the celebrations are alcohol free? I’d be tempted to say no and laugh, but that won’t help you her. And if he is controlling or alienating her, it will make things worse.

We take such care with our Christmas Dinner to make it as good as it can be.

I would hate to swap out lovely carefully chosen wine that complements the food for water or sweet soft drinks.

Or miss out on a gorgeous port with cheeses.

Your DSis cannot hold at least 7 other adults to ransoms like this.

Family? She didn't even know him at Easter. She can jog on.

Where do these people get off? You can't hold others to ransom like this.

Surely the whole point is that the partner has to learn to deal with situations where alcohol is present? What else is she expecting you to do- get rid of all the booze in the house? Get all the pubs in the area to lock down?

If he wants to drink he will- if he’s still got a problem you’ll all be on the shloer and he’ll be necking whisky in loo!

They aren't married so no, not family. Not having that argument.

but also no. And i wouldn't offer no alcohol for Christmas dinner either. She knows the set up. They are welcome. But you wont be telling adults they cannot drink for a weekend because she says so. This is her life choice, nobody elses.

If this request was via her coming from him I’d be concerned about my sister dating him.

Even if the idea is coming from her it smacks of codependency!

Id say ‘partner’ is a strong word there too!

Id be concerned anyway if they plan to have children one day.

Lol, one less person to feed then.... At least.

More roasties for everyone 😂

Just don't negotiate with terrorists.

Just say no.

Most I will provide a vegan choice of main, and. Might do a few roasties etc in veg oil.... but she's more than welcome to fuck off somewhere else for the day.

The "no meat on the premises" woman...how does she cope in real life? At work, shops, cinemas , theatres, public spaces etc

Ridiculous. If he can’t cope with alcohol anywhere then does he ever go out, to pubs, restaurants, to socialise? If so he’ll be coming across alcohol consumption all the time.

it would be a no from me. One person’s addiction does not and should not affect an entire family’s perfectly normal Christmas plans.

Partner is doing a lot of heavy lifting there of a boyfriend of 5 months...as if someone is family after a few weeks 😂😂

It's perfectly acceptable for him not to attend the first Christmas at your "partner's" family. He can just see his family that day.

This is a really good point. No boyfriend of 5 months is family!

Most people have knickers older that your sisters 'relationship'. On that basis alone I would be buying in extra wine and gin for the family!

My spidey senses would be tingling. The audacity of the pair of them! This man is a virtual stranger, not only to you but also to your sister. They have been together for 4 months, it is a massive red flag and an imposition that he is dictating and emotionally blackmailing your family -indirectly via your sister- what your family eats and drinks over the Christmas period, otherwise your sister won't be present.

Most people haven't even made a relationship official after 4 months, does he not have his own family or friends to spend Christmas with? I really wouldn't want a random man that my sister has known for 4 months staying in my house for 3 nights, imposing on my family Christmas and dictating what we drink. If you are intent on still inviting him, please ensure that you provide champagne and nibbles to greet your guests.

That’s an excellent point - do they never go to a restaurant?

I’d make it clear that you will have plenty of what he drinks in, whether it’s non- alcoholic beer or soft drinks, and the wine bottle could be not left on the table or near him, but you will not be restricting other people’s drinking. I don’t drink a lot but I would not accept this. We provide veggie Christmas dinner for DS’s GF, but we would not agree to no
meat for the rest of us.

Pair? But what has the bf actually done or said in all of this?

He doesn't know the OP's family, he is hardly going to be requesting this outlandish request himself as it would be incredibly rude to even suggest such a thing.