AIBU for telling my son that who I date is none of his business?

[OneJollyTealLemur]

To keep it short, I was recently approached by a guy at the gym, and we just hit it off from the start. We're both really into working out, exercise in general, sports and that sort of thing. I'm having an absolute blast with him as my fitness buddy and boyfriend. The thing is, he's 27 and I'm 53. This past weekend, he was staying over at my place when my son turned up for a visit unannounced. I've kept this relationship private because I've never been one to make a big deal out of my dating life, so my son had no idea. To say my son wasn't happy about my new boyfriend would be an understatement. When we were alone, he said he'd really appreciate it if I ended things with this guy because he finds the whole thing embarrassing and weird. I told him that it was none of his business. He's 31, has a girlfriend and a life of his own, and he can do as he pleases, just as I can. He just scoffed and said, "Whatever." I've been thinking about the whole thing ever since, but I honestly can't see why I should have to justify my personal life to my fully grown son.

In my circle of friends I have some very, very good looking women. They all work out and take really good care of themselves.

However, they look nothing like a 27 year old woman. They look good for their age. Like a fine wine, getting better with age. At the end of the day they are menopausal, getting greys and wrinkles etc. no matter how much money you chuck at it.

It’s just icky and I’d seriously be asking myself what’s going on in the young man’s head.

Have you bothered to read the replies?

Your son was out of line to tell you he wanted you to end the relationship because he thinks it’s embarrassing and weird. He’s free to find it embarrassing and weird, but that’s not a reason to ask you to end the relationship.

I do agree with this lol!

Pretty sure that poster is a known stirrer, but agreeing.
The issue with age gaps, both being legal, is whether there is a power imbalance.
In most cases, there would be one between a 53 year old and a 27 year old.
If its a casual fling and both know where they stand, well, I guess they are adults but not something Id touch with a barge pole.

Well yes, me too initially, and also if it was my DDs going out with someone much older. But my main concern would be does it make them happy and someone close to me going out with someone who hurts, exploits or diminishes them would be my main fear, not an age gap per se.

Wow! That would be very controlling.

Yes it’s gross and I would be so ashamed of you. Same as a man of your age dating a 27yo.

At 52 I had no grey hairs and no wrinkles. About the only deterioration in appearance was that my boobs were saggy.
I do have wrinkles now, although not too many, and my boobs still sag but I still have no grey hairs and I'm in my 60s.

@MissChanandlerBonng

why??

Exactly! It’s gross

That poster is a known bad faith poster btw. They only make contrarian posts to stir sh*t up. You can see their post history.

Omg soooooo much INTERNALISED MISOGYNY on here it’s giving me the ick!

so many posters clearly outraged that you are not jumping when your little prince son demands you too and ending your thing with a fit man. You can be in a relationship with whoever you want, OP - you and the guy from the gym are both above age, consenting adults having fun with each other. Yeah you might not get married or whatever, but who cares?! Ignore anyone trying to shame you.

@OneJollyTealLemur

@Livpool

why is it gross?

they are both consenting adults. Presumably no one is pointing a gun at this blokes head if he doesn’t shag OP.

I don't kid myself we look like 27 year olds either.

But newsflash, we don't want to look 27, I'm more than happy to look my age. None of us are trying to look younger or good "for your age". We don't need to.

You sound ageist in your attractiveness standards. Age doesn't make you look worse by default, and neither does youth always make you look better.

You need to meet more people. I can't think of any man I know in his 50's that's 'given up on life'!

Lol, being ashamed of someone else is a weird reaction - but it's also your reaction, not that of the OP's. She's not ashamed, good on her.

If you were a man then I'd say you were a sleaze to be dating someone not just young enough to be your child, but younger than your actual existing child.

So in the interest of equality, ew - that's sleazy. I'd be disgusted if one of my parents did the same thing.

Interesting you say this as I started going grey in my 20s and was fully grey in my 30s. I wonder if that poster thinks my grey hair made me too old to date somebody in their 20s when I was in my 20s!

This reminds me of macron

Why is it internalised misogyny to find the age gap gross? If this was a 53 year old man dating a woman younger than his daughter the comments would still find it gross.

@Makebelieveanotherlife

i would be ashamed of yourself if anyone on account of your raging internalised misogyny

It’s grim either way. No one is saying that woman in her 20s with a guy in his 50s isn’t gross, despite your suggestion it’s fine that way 🤢 no adult child wants their mum or dad’s partner to be younger than they are. That’s the stuff of Jerry Springer!

Pretty sure OP was not this guy’s teacher when he was a teenage boy.

Funny how it’s misogynistic when it’s a women but a pervert when it’s a man. One and the same to me, a 50yo dating some almost their child’s age.