AIBU for telling my son that who I date is none of his business?

[OneJollyTealLemur]

To keep it short, I was recently approached by a guy at the gym, and we just hit it off from the start. We're both really into working out, exercise in general, sports and that sort of thing. I'm having an absolute blast with him as my fitness buddy and boyfriend. The thing is, he's 27 and I'm 53. This past weekend, he was staying over at my place when my son turned up for a visit unannounced. I've kept this relationship private because I've never been one to make a big deal out of my dating life, so my son had no idea. To say my son wasn't happy about my new boyfriend would be an understatement. When we were alone, he said he'd really appreciate it if I ended things with this guy because he finds the whole thing embarrassing and weird. I told him that it was none of his business. He's 31, has a girlfriend and a life of his own, and he can do as he pleases, just as I can. He just scoffed and said, "Whatever." I've been thinking about the whole thing ever since, but I honestly can't see why I should have to justify my personal life to my fully grown son.

@Makebelieveanotherlife

so what if he’s almost her sons age 🤷‍♀️

Errr...I never said it was fine. Your reading comprehension leaves a lot to be desired. At the time I posted my post, the vote was tied AND several posters had said it was acceptable...my entire point was people wouldn't be saying it was 'fine' if it was the other way around.

At the time I posted my post, the vote was tied AND several posters had said it was acceptable...my entire point was people wouldn't be saying it was 'fine' if it was the other way around.

List of posters below, who posted before me, who said it was fine:

BMW58
vodkaredbullgirl
Dillydollydingdong

😂 yup - basically this.

The last part of this is really disgusting. Just because most of us would find this gross does not mean the younger partner in an age gap relationship lacks self-respect or can’t get anybody else.

Sometimes they just like somebody irrespective of age (especially if they actually don’t know the person’s age when they meet.)

If this man can't get girls of his own... We need to think about why...

And I just meant on the age difference

Oh come on.

As another PP said: Enjoy the short term, if what you are after is sex and some fun, but be prepared for the "I've met someone else" or "I just need to borrow a few pounds to sort things out" or "When I move in you will put me on the deeds won't you?" speech at some point.

He either lacks self-respect or is a con-man. Neither is a good look.

At the time you posted almost all of the responses said it was gross.

So I repeat: “did you bother to read the replies”?

(That’s rhetorical as you clearly did not.) The whole “if ThiS WaS a BLoKE” poor oppressed man shtick is completely unnecessary as it is quite clear the response is the same whether the man or woman is older. Maybe not for you if the little sprinkle of misogyny at the end is representative.

The vote is irrelevant. People can both find this gross but also think OP is correct to tell her son that her private life is not his business.

Two things can be true at the same time

I don't think the problem is with the maths as in the age gasp, it's to do with morals.

Her private life is his business when she's probably about to be conned, as I said above.

But OP clearly thinks she's some sort of Milf based on her replies and inability ti see why a man his age wants her. 🙄

How is she being conned?

Where is your evidence for this?

And that would still not be his business. She isn’t a vulnerable woman not of sound man or are you going to make that up too?

There are many different men on the earth. You cannot say definitively why this man wants her as you don’t know her. Or him.

.

He either lacks self-respect or is a con-man. Neither is a good look.

Wow! Surely that's just your opinion, not a fact as stated?

How about they just like each other and are having fun? What a sad state of affairs that everything has to have some sinister motive or the people involved shitty.

I just think people on MN love to stick the boot in, no matter what it's like a hobby here.

This.

This won’t last OP. In 7 years you’ll be 60 and this guy will be in his early 30s. It’s wrong. You’re son is completely right to be concerned.

Have you asked the OP if she even wants to be with him for 7 years?

Must have missed that part of the OP...

Tell your obnoxious brat of a son to sod off and mind his own business. Nothing to do with him. Carry on seeing the gym man, and best of luck to you both.

Yeah, we all know how this one ends though, and at 53 you need to screw your head on tighter. I predict :

1. He will shag you until someone younger comes along
2. He will start blowing you off for dates, when another woman becomes available
3. He will be dating other women
4. By then you will have feelings for him and be hearthbroken

Even if the above didn't happen, and let's say he proposed to you....how is that going to work?

Look for someone your own age. How can you even walk into a bar with him and not feel silly? At 27, he must have no presence whatsoever.

OP, its your life and your choice. Your son shouldn’t be letting himself in with a key, so you need some rules around that.

So long as it is casual and this guy is not out to scam you, then enjoy and let it run its course.

(I would be keeping an eye on his social media and also not giving him any money/ going 50:50 on any meals out etc.)

We?

How embarrassing for you OP.

I know it's a typo, but "age gasp" seems like the perfect new term to coin for this type of thread 🤩

My Dad went out with a couple of women younger than me after he divorced my Mum. To be honest, it's one of the more major reasons I've lost all respect for him and don't spend all that much time with him

You can date who you like @OneJollyTealLemur , but you don't get to control other peoples reactions to it. He's entitled to feel differently about you because of your choices, and it may change your relationship with him as a result. It's probably for the best that he tells you the reason for that change, rather than leaving you to guess.

I’m 53 and couldn’t imagine dating a 27 year old, attractive or not it gives me the ick. I also don’t suffer fools gladly and would always be wondering what his motives were as it’s quite unusual for young men to be attracted to menopausal women.

I’m with your ds and can see why he’s mortified, my dc would be too.

How embarrassing for her? She's the one who has managed to find herself a handsome younger man to dote on her, despite the fact that many posters seem to think that most of us older women aren't good enough apparently. She has no reason to be embarrassed. I'm bloomin chuffed for her actually. Good for her!