AIBU for telling my son that who I date is none of his business?

[OneJollyTealLemur]

To keep it short, I was recently approached by a guy at the gym, and we just hit it off from the start. We're both really into working out, exercise in general, sports and that sort of thing. I'm having an absolute blast with him as my fitness buddy and boyfriend. The thing is, he's 27 and I'm 53. This past weekend, he was staying over at my place when my son turned up for a visit unannounced. I've kept this relationship private because I've never been one to make a big deal out of my dating life, so my son had no idea. To say my son wasn't happy about my new boyfriend would be an understatement. When we were alone, he said he'd really appreciate it if I ended things with this guy because he finds the whole thing embarrassing and weird. I told him that it was none of his business. He's 31, has a girlfriend and a life of his own, and he can do as he pleases, just as I can. He just scoffed and said, "Whatever." I've been thinking about the whole thing ever since, but I honestly can't see why I should have to justify my personal life to my fully grown son.

Nor me!

He'd be called a perv, and the MN pitchforks would be out.

I don't even care that much about age gaps. But shagging someone younger than your own son is just weird.

Then I think the answer is, he’s allowed to feel as he does and so are you. No right or wrong about feelings but ultimately it’s your choice, not his, if you want to date this guy.

@ByWittyLimePoet

you are sooooo misogynistic.
the Madonna/whore complex is very marked in you

YAB massively U
If this is real
i think you were out of order to not have a gentle chat with your son to sort of ‘pre warn’ him what you are doing in case they potentially meet unexpectedly like today. I agree it is gross and embarrassing for him, for his mother to be sleeping with someone younger than he is

Yeah, if you were a 53 year old man seeing a 27 year old woman and your 31 year old daughter walked in on you and was unhappy, I think the responses would be much more heavily weighted in favour of the daughter's reaction. I'm not sure the age gap is quite as sinister this way round, but it still is enough so that I think it's weird that anyone is congratulating OP. Also for younger men, an age gap like this is usually a kink and I don't think any child wants to see their parents being fetishized.

Alright fella.

Ageist and sexist

53 is not old !!
Anyway the age gap isn’t for everyone
but the casual way it is decided a 53 year old is a hag who no one could find attractive is demeaning

Hilarious comment to read, as I could swear it came from a man. My old age being... 53? Do women in their 50s not want or enjoy sex any more? It's so nonsensical it's funny. And how does he find me attractive? Well, I guess the deep-plane facelift and breast lift and augmentation I've had since turning 50, along with being a very physically active person who's taken good care of herself, help.

@Missxxx

ewwww you’re really giving me the ick

Don’t be so silly. Of course women in their 50s can still have an active sex life. Are you a teenager who thinks 50 is ancient?

I think this just shows your son is too old to be randomly turning up and letting himself into your house. Your private life is your own business. Your son has no right to dictate.

Come on, a 53 year old man dating a 27 year old girl would get ripped to shreds on here. He’s younger than your own son. Of course your son is going to feel uneasy about this.

@Missxxx What a terrible person you are. What a sad life you must have to be so awful to (a probably much more attractive than you inside and out) op.

It's comment has been deleted. I and many others reported.

What's a deep plane face-lift? I need something for my neck but don't fancy a knife. Face is ok no wrinkles yet and am 58. Genetics to thank for that.

Nope. I think the age gap is far too big, and I am a similar age to the OP.

I can't imagine being with a man the same age as my children. (Or younger!) Wouldn't do for me .. Nope.

JMO.

,

I was wondering if people would criticise more the other way round. I suppose traditionally, it's seen as normal for a man to date a woman decades younger, and in the past, women were thought to age quicker. But if this son's 53 year old dad was dating a 27 year old woman, he might be more worried about a potential pregnancy? And people thinking his (potential) step-sibling was his child, any time he went out with dad and step-mum.
But it is (rarely) possible for a 53 year old woman to get pregnant in some cases! And while you're both adults, if you want your son to have a good relationship with you, OP, you probably have to respect his view. Talk to him-is he resenting family breakdown? Unfairly blaming you, not his dad? Of course, it might be his dad died, so this might be irrelevant, but try to find out if he's upset about you dating in general.

Clearly it’s up to you who you date but I can understand your son being very upset about this, and also concerned.

Urgh. Bonking someone younger than your own children is gross, whichever sex you are.

My dm dated someone younger than my elder dcs when she was in her 50s. They stayed together until her death nearly 90. She was younger mentally than him tbh. And looked fabulous.

You ask how you should handle things with your son. Well, he's made his feelings pretty clear. If you want to continue a good relationship with your son to I think you need to keep your boyfriend very much in the background. Spend more time at his place. It depends which relationship means the most to you.

@Bluedenimdoglover

did you miss the bit about her son being an adult and not living with her…? Why does she need to stay at boyfriends place more??