AIBU for telling my son that who I date is none of his business?

[OneJollyTealLemur]

To keep it short, I was recently approached by a guy at the gym, and we just hit it off from the start. We're both really into working out, exercise in general, sports and that sort of thing. I'm having an absolute blast with him as my fitness buddy and boyfriend. The thing is, he's 27 and I'm 53. This past weekend, he was staying over at my place when my son turned up for a visit unannounced. I've kept this relationship private because I've never been one to make a big deal out of my dating life, so my son had no idea. To say my son wasn't happy about my new boyfriend would be an understatement. When we were alone, he said he'd really appreciate it if I ended things with this guy because he finds the whole thing embarrassing and weird. I told him that it was none of his business. He's 31, has a girlfriend and a life of his own, and he can do as he pleases, just as I can. He just scoffed and said, "Whatever." I've been thinking about the whole thing ever since, but I honestly can't see why I should have to justify my personal life to my fully grown son.

I think it’s pretty weird to be attracted to and date someone a similar age to your own child.

Someone who wasn’t even born by the time you were a fully formed adult.

I imagine that is what is creeping your son out, not the fact that you have a dating/ sex life.

I have the same energy of woman dating someone younger than her child as a man doing it - so bloody creepy.
Also your son expressed his feelings you disagreed and he said ‘whatever’ it’s not like he’s calling, texting you etc asking you to end it. It’s fine saying it’s none of his business if he has no idea and you decide to not tell him but I think it’s weird you’re annoyed he had an opinion when he found out. Assuming you guys have a bad relationship

Tell your son to keep his opinions to himself. Age gap relationships of this magnitude are only a problem if the woman is significantly younger because you know the man is being manipulative and creepy.

Also, congratulations for scoring yourself a young hunk! It's like they say, you're only as old as the man that you feel 😉. You would think your son would be happy for you but at least we are!

Well of course you're at liberty to date who you want but I would also find it distasteful if I was your child. I'm naturally turned off anyone my sons' ages (can't see past the fact that they could be a mate of my child). It's just a no-go area for my brain (and every other cell in my body). I guess he finds it weird that you don't have that natural aversion. If it was an older man and a younger woman, I'd also find it grim.

It's easy to see why he's not that impressed. I can't say I'd be happy if my Dad turned up with a woman younger than me so although I've voted YANBU, I don't really think your son is either.

Have you met your boyfriend's friends and family? Do you socialise together?

I'm wondering what his mum might think.

But I bet you'll come back and say she's fine with it regardless 😂🤣

Of course he has an issue with you dating someone younger than he is. It’s absolutely disgusting.
And if the genders were reversed the majority would say the same.

Yuk!

Op. If you don’t care what other people think, then go for it. But realise there will be people that look at you very differently after this. If I was a friend of yours that had a 25 year old son, I would be creating distance between us.

Can women not be manipulative and creepy?

Yuk.
Your poor son must be very concerned about your MH.
Give your head a wobble and have some dignity.

I can understand your DS being surprised as your BF is younger than him but you are an adult and it in none of his business. There are plenty younger blokes that date older women.

It was more that OP said age would be irrelevant regarding her son. Age isn’t a blanket irrelevance even when everyone is adult.

You must be on the wind up, how vulgar as if the son would think that!

You are free to do as you like, but older women particularly can get scammed this way. Be careful, he may not be who or what you think he is.

When he was alive, my Dad used to sleep with women younger than me.

It was gross.

Your son can't tell you what to do, and you are right, it's none of his business.

But it IS pretty grim that you're sleeping with someone 4 years younger than him.

I'm sure you're having a lovely time, fine, whatever. He can't stop you.

However. He raises a really valid point.

Highly likely as if a 27 year old is going to be interested in a 53 year old!

How would you feel if your son turned up with a woman twice his age as in 62? Would you say oh that’s fine son, nice to meet you Gail.
Met at the gym - grim.
This young lad had met an attractive older woman and got in there - fair enough.
But I could not for the life of me imagine having sex with someone that age.
However it’s OP’s life and her choice.

I can understand his embarrassment, I'd be the same. It's not an easy one seeing your mother with a very young man, especially someone younger than yourself.

My mum died eight years ago and I would be devastated if my dad took up with someone younger than me. I think it’s disgusting and don’t blame your son for getting upset.

Also, if my 27 year old son brought a 53 year old woman home for dinner I would be devastated. Think of others instead of romping about in abandonment with a man younger than your son. Wtf is wrong with you?

I think where it crosses ‘weird’ is that he is younger than your son.

I would date an older man but only if they didn’t have kids the same age or older than me.

He was wrong to ask you to end it but you are wrong to dismiss his distate and if your bf is ever going to be introduced to the family, then yes it is his business.

Oh good, another “I’m a 50-something woman sleeping with a 20-something man”. 🥱

We are not going to accept full grown men sleeping with too-young women no matter how many times you all do this on here.

You're right its your business who you date and technically nothing to do with your son.

Dating someone younger than your soon is ridiculous. I can understand why he's concerned.

A number is a number. It's about what the relationship is like imo - if it's respectful, equal and healthy then surely that's ok?

My auntie married a bloke (2nd husband as first was a massive cheater and wanker) much younger than she was. They had 14 years together (plus before they were married) before he left her for someone his own age. She said it didn't matter, she had the best years, they were very happy for a long time and didn't regret a thing, the best attitude to have imo. What more can we ask for in all honesty?

I think you know this is a Romeo scam. How much has this fit young man cost you?