AIBU for telling my son that who I date is none of his business?

[OneJollyTealLemur]

To keep it short, I was recently approached by a guy at the gym, and we just hit it off from the start. We're both really into working out, exercise in general, sports and that sort of thing. I'm having an absolute blast with him as my fitness buddy and boyfriend. The thing is, he's 27 and I'm 53. This past weekend, he was staying over at my place when my son turned up for a visit unannounced. I've kept this relationship private because I've never been one to make a big deal out of my dating life, so my son had no idea. To say my son wasn't happy about my new boyfriend would be an understatement. When we were alone, he said he'd really appreciate it if I ended things with this guy because he finds the whole thing embarrassing and weird. I told him that it was none of his business. He's 31, has a girlfriend and a life of his own, and he can do as he pleases, just as I can. He just scoffed and said, "Whatever." I've been thinking about the whole thing ever since, but I honestly can't see why I should have to justify my personal life to my fully grown son.

Good grief just no! Team son.

I’d have thought most people don’t. Most people don’t like the idea of either parent dating people younger than their own kids. There’s just something that feels off with it, even if it’s not necessarily rational.

It would be nice if op engaged with the people offering advice and support. Not just drop a controversial post and bugger off

You probably know deep down it’s not going anywhere so enjoy it while it lasts. You aren’t hurting anyone and it’s none of your son’s business who you date.

I'm also Team son. A dad dating someone nearly 30 years younger is cringey. He's explained how he feels about it.

It's your choice to still go ahead however choices have consequences and I suspect it will impact your relationship.

You pulled, you bagged a hot one...lol, idiots!
Yeah I'm sure OP is absolutely irresistible in her 50s to a gym bloke in his 20s 😅
God knows what use she serves but let's be honest - it's her who's been bagged!

I can understand why you don’t want to end things nor should you have to, but you have to be incredibly short sighted and naive not to see why it bothers your son.

There’s not a 30 year old man on the planet who would be cool with this.

No judgement from me, do whatever makes you happy, if it's not hurting anyone else. Just, guard your heart! It's not likely to last, so keep it light for your own good.

The thing is, I've known a few guys who were the younger man in this situation and what they said to their mates wasn't very flattering about the older woman. Pretty disgusting really.

Made me look at those men in a completely different light. If they were my son I'd be having words about their attitude towards women.

I also felt quite sorry for the older woman because she was blissfully unaware of what was being said. Just happily ignorant in her bubble of feeling empowered and having fun.

Both guys met the older ladies in the gym funnily enough. I think it's a bit of a well trodden path.

Just be careful you don't end up as the butt of their joke.

Not usually, no 😊

Lying about being pregnant, lying about being on the pill, there's loads of situations where women can be manipulative. And creepy.

I'm with your son. I find this level of age gap relationship creepy and weird whether it's an older woman and younger man or older man and younger woman. Sorry!

I'm 47 and I was working with a group of 3 flirtatious 25-year old male models this week.

It was fun to a point.

One of them in particular was INTENSELY flirtatious, and I found that just weird and creepy. Objectively, I could see that he's a very good looking man. Stunning soulful eyes, great body. And we had a laugh - great personality. And he's older than my son.

And yet.

Just not right. Maybe it's because I'm a mother. Maybe if I'd never had children, or at least male children, it wouldn't have felt as skeevy.

But it felt very skeevy.

He's after your money, and if he's a foreign national, a visa or if not, that is what everyone will think.
Your son will be worried that he wont inherit anything if this ends up in marriage

How fucking obnoxious

Tell that to all the men with girlfriends/partners younger than their grown children.

Oh i can, house, free meals etc I wonder how lonng it is before he needs to "borrow" some money or the tenency on his flat is coming to an end. There is no fool like an old fool.

Not really. I can't see it either and I am roughly the same age as the OP. I wouldn't date anyone more than five years younger (and I've actually never done even that).

That's gross too though.

I mean, I've already said my piece, and I'm not here to debate whether I should keep dating this guy or whether it's right or wrong. I will keep dating him, and I feel absolutely no shame about it. My question is specifically about my son.

If you had a daughter that was 27 and she was dating a 53 year old she met at the gym how would you feel? It’s the same thing.

If there’s a problem, it’s the door not being bolted.

If my mum or dad started dating someone younger than me I’d think they’d lost their mind. “Oh we have so much in common” except only one of you knows what it’s like to have grown up children and grandchildren, while the other doesn’t have kids yet and therefore is still in a much more “immature” state, despite what they think (and what you let them think) about how “grown up and on the same level” they are.

What replies are you expecting? You've obviously decided it's none of your son's business from the fact you're going to keep dating this guy. If your son had any say in it, then you obviously wouldn't be dating him. So what's the point of starting this thread?

Grim OP

if your kids cant be honest, who can?