AIBU for telling my son that who I date is none of his business?

[OneJollyTealLemur]

To keep it short, I was recently approached by a guy at the gym, and we just hit it off from the start. We're both really into working out, exercise in general, sports and that sort of thing. I'm having an absolute blast with him as my fitness buddy and boyfriend. The thing is, he's 27 and I'm 53. This past weekend, he was staying over at my place when my son turned up for a visit unannounced. I've kept this relationship private because I've never been one to make a big deal out of my dating life, so my son had no idea. To say my son wasn't happy about my new boyfriend would be an understatement. When we were alone, he said he'd really appreciate it if I ended things with this guy because he finds the whole thing embarrassing and weird. I told him that it was none of his business. He's 31, has a girlfriend and a life of his own, and he can do as he pleases, just as I can. He just scoffed and said, "Whatever." I've been thinking about the whole thing ever since, but I honestly can't see why I should have to justify my personal life to my fully grown son.

You were right. 😆

Oh OK so the take home from this is you are a hot milf. Got it!

Your son is probably looking at the 27 yo and finding him immature in comparison to even himself. There's something very unpleasant about dating people younger than your children. Can you not see that?
Your son may not only be embarrassed and grossed out, but also very worried about you.
Does BF's parents know about you? They could easily be younger than you - can you see yourself meeting them?

It is none of his business, you can do what you want with another consenting adult.

But like pps, I understand his reaction and distaste.

Is a fling worth damaging your relationship with your DS?

In my observation large age gap relationships often involve one party manipulating or exploiting the other, make sure you aren’t either exploiting this young man or being exploited by him.

Gosh, these age gap threads are getting more common than dog threads.

I wonder if they'll overtake them completely in 2027?

Plenty of daughters would find it creepy if their 53 yo dad had a gf several years younger than them.

He’s had an instinctive reaction and been honest.

If it works for you, it works for you and good luck to you, but it’s hardly a cosy happy families set up.

😆

I don't normally care much for age gaps, but this a big age gap, and when the person you are dating is younger than your child(ren), I can understand his reaction.

I would feel the same if my mum started dating someone younger than me.

Your the same age as me.
27? Other then the obvious, what the appeal?
Is it worth falling out with your ds over a shag?

You can date who you like but that’s a huge age difference op I can see why he is concerned.

My DP is a little younger than me.

I’d never date someone younger than my DC.

If it embarrass him, that's his issue not yours.
If he was concerned you'd be taken for a mug by the man, I could understand it but embarrassment, no, that's making it about him. He does sound a bit of a twat, dismissing you trying to talk about him, etc. Nah.

And no, you can do what you like in your private life. Yes, it's a huge age gap but rarely do people react so strongly when a man has a much younger girlfriend, they are more likely to blame the young woman or accuse her of being a gold digger but doubt they'd be embarrassed.

I am sure a lot of adult children would feel a bit odd with the big age gap.
It is none of his business. You are an adult.
I personally couldn’t sleep with someone that much younger, I would be comparing my skin to his.

I think that as long as you realise this is a casual fling and do not expect it to be something in the longer term then do as you wish. I would be concerned if he was moving in or beginning to rely on you financially so be aware of danger signs.

As for your son, well, it is none of his damn business but perhaps he is approaching it from that above angle and is worried for you. Maybe give your son a break and use your intellect to ascertain what this 27 year old man is really after. If it's just a romp, yahoo, well done you but be ultra cynical about his motives.

Not good to date someone younger than your kids. It’s ICKY.

It's your business but his feelings are very valid. So if you have any concern for him as a mother you should make sure he never, ever finds out. And if he does, these are the natural consequences and you can't be surprised or complain that he feels disgusted. I would too in his place.

Yanbu to say that it’s up to you who you date but he’s not unreasonable to be shocked at the age gap either. Most people would react like him tbh regardless of a mum or dad dating someone younger than their child.

Imagine discovering your late twenties daughter was banging someone in his fifties.

This is no different.

Age gap relationships are always weird, when the person you're involved enough is young enough (or younger) than your child, or old enough to be your parent (or older). No. Just yuck.

I think most people would be majorly grossed out to find their mum or dad involved with someone even younger than they were. But it's your life and if you value a bit of rough more than the feelings of your son, then by all means carry on. Just don't be surprised if it ends up jepordising your relationship with your son when the situation you're in now inevitably runs its course.

Having said that, in his thirties he shouldn’t be turning up unannounced. So it’s sort of his own fault that he got an eyeful of his mum’s private life.

Ok, it's not his business who you shag.

But it's really gross to cop off with someone younger than your children. I don't blame him for thinking it's not ok. (And yes, I think the same way about old farts like John Humphreys with a second wife the same age as his daughter)

What if he was dating an 18 yr old when he’s 40?

Men do it all the time and no one bats an eyelid. As long as there’s nothing dodgy going on, do whatever you want.

It would only be embarrassing/awkward if he was trying to play stepdad, which he isn’t.

It’s a false equivalence, a 27 year old is in a completely different stage of life.

Look op, if you were a man - you would be taken apart on here - torn to shreds. This bf - is just a bit of a shag isnt it? Its not going to come to anything, and your there for the shags - because hes pretty young and presumably will want kids. Is it grim? I wouldnt want my son or daughter to have such a big age gap no - but its your life and if you are ok with it, and potentially falling out with your sone over this - who are we to judge?