Neighbours complained about Autistic Son

[NatureandBee]

Just found out that my next door neighbours have complained about my autistic DS. The complaint was related to him shouting in the garden(he’s non verbal and he vocally stims) and how he sometimes has no clothes on in the garden and their grandchildren can see him.

They put in a complaint to my HA and I wish they had spoken to me first. I do understand how loud he can be and I try hard to keep him dressed. The fences are high but they can see into my garden from their bedroom windows.

He’s not out there from morning til night, only in the school holidays and after school for a bit. I also work and he stays with his Dad for part of the week.

I feel so on edge now and feel like I can’t have him in the garden in case they complain again, I’m also a single parent and it makes me feel vulnerable that they have an issue with us.

They are an older couple with an immaculate garden/house. I do understand how they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden and obviously they deserve to not be disturbed.

I’m ashamed to say I cried when I was told of the complaint, I’m embarrassed now 🙈

Well you are meaning to be harsh ar you wouldnt have mentioned supported living
Hes ten he may go into supported living as an adult but that will be for his fsmily to decide
Its not a question of he will "Have " to.

With all due respect, and I mean that because you are a mother of autistic children, society should not have any expectations of your children. Disabled people shouldn't have to hide who they are or change their behaviours to fit into some narrow band of societal norms and values that are imposed upon us at birth.

We have an autistic child on our cul-de-sac, can't be any older than 12 or 13. He has attacked me and others on occasion, once I got a bruise that would not go away for weeks. But did I report him to the police? No, because he is autistic and I know that he wasn't in possession of his faculties. Getting him in trouble would have been grossly unfair.

He really enjoys the garden and is entitled to use it. He is stimming because he is happy.

Arsehole was an unfortunate expression in the context ...

His lfe ia slready very limited and you want to limit it even more.

Hi, OP -

Being a good neighbour does go both ways. There is also the dignity of your DS to consider. Nevertheless, the main point is that the law is very much on his side.

Generally children in their own garden have to be very noisy indeed to trigger noise nuisance laws between 0700 and 2300. When the child is autistic, an even higher threshold must be met. You can search this online or contact Citizens Advice Bureau for more details.

Anyone in the UK is allowed to strip off in their own private, well fenced garden, as long as it is not for the purpose of displaying their genitals or similar. The law specifically allows for the possibility that they can be seen by people looking out of upstairs windows. If you don’t want to be disturbed by the sight of naked people, the remedy is simple. Again, there is a likelihood of extra protection for someone who strips off as a symptom of their disability - for example, a person with autism who has a bad reaction to clothing.

Ironically if your fence is over 2 metres that seems to require a variance, at least uf anyone complains. Again your DS’ autism and stripping off could give you a good argument for keeping it. Something tells me that these neighbours may like the high fence just fine.

I know you feel bad. Working with DS on managing his emotions for his own well being is a great idea, and will have the side effect of reducing the problem. Perhaps explaining this (as well as briefly summarising the law) to the neighbours along with a kind gesture like a bouquet of flowers would be a nice idea. But they don’t deserve more, and they don’t deserve further thought.

Best wishes to you and DS.

No, anyone of any age can be naked in their own garden if they like. It's not public nudity.

Disabled people shouldn't have to hide who they are or change their behaviours to fit into some narrow band of societal norms and values that are imposed upon us at birth

ALL of us have to do this to a certain extent otherwise society would be total anarchy and people would be punching each other out over small disagreements. Dont be so ridiculous.

Sorry but disability or not if someone attacks me or mine I’m calling the police.

In fact it can sometimes help as the family then gets better support. Just letting people attack people because they have needs is never the right answer.

also what about two competing needs. One that needs quiet vs the loud one. Often Ironicly children who stim loud really have others loud noises.

He definitely needs to have clothes on when he goes outside.
Anyone could be photographing him.

He needs to be taught to leave clothes on else he could be stripping in the middle of the street.

It’s for his own protection.

However, as long as he’s not out late or early being too noisy then I’d completely ignore any noise complaints.
I’d actually be pissed off at the council sending me the letter.

I’d speak to them and ask if they’d received a one off complaint or multiple and then explain how he doesn’t go out before or after certain times etc

Just wanted to say how hard this must be for you and please don't be embarrassed - you've done nothing wrong. He isn't some pervert stripping off in front of your neighbour's grandchildren, he's an autistic adult/child who possibly finds the feel of the fabric on his skin uncomfortable or even unbearable.

I wonder if you would feel able to go round to see them and in the spirit of neighbourliness talk to them about him? I find with noise, it is often the way it is perceived (rather than the noise itself) that makes a difference. One person gets used to living under a flight path and hardly notices it, whereas someone who resents it/thinks about it/is irritated by it etc quickly finds it unbearable - same noise levels/different attitudes. It's just another angle to think about - helping them to understand your son's perspective.

I get it if you don't feel you can do that.

What if there was a couple having sex in the garden every day, and your 8 y.o. daughter could see it from her bedroom window? Would you tell her not to look and move on from the topic?

Being naked in your own garden with an 8 foot fence is ok.Tell the paedos to stop going uostairs and craning their necks to catch a glimpse.

Just wanted to say how hard this must be for you and please don't be embarrassed - you've done nothing wrong. He isn't some pervert stripping off in front of your neighbour's grandchildren, he's an autistic adult/child who possibly finds the feel of the fabric on his skin uncomfortable or even unbearable.

This OP.

You do need to address the issues, particularly the no pants, but equally you deserve some tolerance and support working through it with him.

What if there was a naked dinosaur outside?

It's an interesting question but it doesn't have much to do with a naked kid in his own garden, does it?

Supported living isn’t like being institutionalised. It would involve living in a home in a residential area, so what would actually happen is that the ‘problem’ would just be moved somewhere else. He’s ten. There are many steps between where his development is now and needing supported living.

I completely agree.

In a few years time, he may attack someone and as an adult be arrested and possibly even put in prison.

It’s for his own good to be taught right and wrong from an early age.

If he is severely disabled then he should be having 2 carers with him at all times.

Either the parents aren’t doing enough or they’re not getting the support they need and so reporting it would actually be helpful.

I’d go down the SS route rather than the police at that age though.

I agree. What if screaming goes on for hours, what if son decides to take his clothes off in a shop or on the bus? What if he continues to wear no clothes and hits puberty. If he has no boundaries he could get himself in an awful lot of trouble if he doesnt know what is acceptable or not.

When my children were younger we went on a Mark Warner holiday. There was one young boy probably about 13 so a little older and MW made a lot of effort to intergrate this child. However one evening the boy who was sitting at the communal tables decided to grab a young girls breasts and started laughing. He didnt realise what he was doing was unacceptable and although the parents removed him from the table MW had to report it

Is the HA aware that DS is autistic? If not make them fully aware. They should really have told complainant that there is a medical reason for the noise and that all they can do is remind you about noise between 11pm - 7am.

. The neighbours know son is autistic.
I assume this has been going on a long time and they have got to breaking point with it. They may even have already spoken to Op about it and she has done nothing.

nobody complains quickly to the HA without either the er giving it time, speaking direct or both of these.

Antisocial behaviour is just that.

I live in the terrace house and my NDNs child has started to learn a horn instrument (trombone or trumpet something like that). They also practice in the garden…. I’d prefer you and your son as neighbours!

My kid has autism and ADHD and makes loud noises etc, way more than your average kid. When she starts stimming, I give her 5 mins to get it out of her system then try to divert her. If i can't divert her then I take her inside. It isn't fair for people to have to listen to that all the time.

A peadophile isn’t going to stop getting off on a naked child just because you ask nicely.

It’s not just them, it’s their friends and family who come to visit, workmen etc all who are able to see and photograph a naked child and use it for their own pleasure or put it on the internet for other people’s pleasure.

Dont talk such utter nonsense

All: DebbieSavage is a troll. Admitted in another thread they go as far in one perspective as possible.