Neighbours complained about Autistic Son

[NatureandBee]

Just found out that my next door neighbours have complained about my autistic DS. The complaint was related to him shouting in the garden(he’s non verbal and he vocally stims) and how he sometimes has no clothes on in the garden and their grandchildren can see him.

They put in a complaint to my HA and I wish they had spoken to me first. I do understand how loud he can be and I try hard to keep him dressed. The fences are high but they can see into my garden from their bedroom windows.

He’s not out there from morning til night, only in the school holidays and after school for a bit. I also work and he stays with his Dad for part of the week.

I feel so on edge now and feel like I can’t have him in the garden in case they complain again, I’m also a single parent and it makes me feel vulnerable that they have an issue with us.

They are an older couple with an immaculate garden/house. I do understand how they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden and obviously they deserve to not be disturbed.

I’m ashamed to say I cried when I was told of the complaint, I’m embarrassed now 🙈

OP, if they came to you first what would you have done?

Now they have been to the HA, what are you doing differently?

What are the HA doing to support/help?

I do see how this is very difficult for you AND I equally get how difficult it is for them.

for now can you take a plant/flowers/chocolates around with a card to show some understanding to them? A good will gesture.

To be fair, there are limits to this and as I’ve just said, there needs to be compromises made.

Yeah we have been trying to keep my son dressed for 16 years now hes still not learned ...

I don't think your doing anything wrong. He's allowed to be in his own garden and you can't help that he's loud sometimes. He's not there a lot, So I think the amount of time is reasonable.

Loud music, dogs barking, kids shouting is all excessive noise and a complaint can and will be made about any of them if they go on too long, regardless of the time of day.

Sorry but no, its the day time hes allowed in his garden just like all the other kids are allowed. Hes not hurting the neighbours, its not like hes jumping over the fence and destroying their garden hes making noise that he cannot help. The naked thing - fair enough but stopping him having enjoyment of his own garden - hard no.

I think most people would be complaining if someone anyone’s child was regularly screaming in their garden for hours on end disability or not.

Being a good neighbour goes both ways the ops neighbours need to show understanding but op also needs to understand how her son loudly screaming does affect others also.

Could you imagine two neighbours both have children with disabilities one needs to loudly stim, the other then being sent into meltdown as they cannot tolerate the noise.

He’s stimming, he’s very happy and makes noises to show joy and happiness such as when he sees running water or when he spins a wheel-he shouts at it! He’s not crying or distressed but he is loud too.

Entitled is the word. What about DS's right to exist, in the only way he is able, in his own home. His noises aren't choices.

Maybe you can write them a letter just explaining his needs and while you appreciate he can be loud, you are not going to stop him enjoying the garden. Also ask them not to watch him when he’s naked in the garden

Why is it always the disabled children expected to make compromises?

Dont they make onesies/vest type clothing for older kids with the buttons on backwards so they cant strip? Another option then.

Next time they complain buy them ear plugs or buy him a drum kit and give them a actual reason to complain. 😉

If my DS was shouting in the garden he would be told to be quiet or come in. Now he is a teen he knows he can’t play loud music outside. OP admits her son is very noisy. So there has to be some respect for the neighbours in that respect. So would be useful to know how many hours of noise and if the neighbours have a point

Oh OP. They should have spoken to you.
I think all you can do really is try and manage the nudity. That's so much easier said than done though, I know from experience it's not as simple as just being firm.

Those commenting that it's not nice to hear yelling/stimming, well no, perhaps it's not. But I'd much prefer a child with limited options for entertainment isn't restricted from something they genuinely enjoy to give some adults peace and quiet.

I wouldn't have thought the HA can take action on you as this is a case of your son accessing his garden and being someone with profound autism in it.

Or how about people just not look at him instead of making him wear clothes that stop him from being able to express himself in a manner he sees fit? It's not like he can help it, but you can help closing your eyes or turning away.

So I’m pretty sure that it was anonymous but they are the only house that can see into our garden and the one ones with grandchildren that visit. So it has to be them but HA aren’t allowed to say who complained.

They aren’t.
Most people view them as equal and feel they should be treated as such. The issue is they expect and feel entitled to be treated differently and have priority.

He’s not shouting, he’s stimming.

That’s not behaviour, it’s happiness. He’s enjoying himself.

I for one wouldn’t be telling anyone’s child to be less happy.

Makes no difference, you keep saying he's stimming. It's rude and inconsiderate. I wouldn't let my ND child do that. Autistic people have to learn to live in society, with guidance and direction from parents. I have a significantly disabled autistic son and there is no way I would let him make a racket in the garden, anymore than I would my neurotypical child. It's just rude.

I’d rather hear children in the garden enjoying themselves than miserable old farts complaining about it!

Surely all children have to make comprises. Once DS could kick a ball hard he had to play ball games in the park so our neighbours didn’t have to put up with balls being hit on or over their fence, we restricted noisy games or noise levels, no playing outside in the early hours of the morning etc

My kids are not allowed to shout and scream and disturb the neighbours, they are told to be quiet or are brought inside if they can't be.

Mine are autistic too, but with lower support needs than OP's son. I have sympathy with her but it's not ok to let children shout in the garden.

I think you are missing the point here. The son is loud, screaming, wearing no clothes. Are you saying he can do what he likes? He needs boundaries otherwise what is deemed unacceptable?

I do think that his noise is better than some antisocial behaviour I’ve had from neighbours such as screaming and swearing and drunken noises!

It also might be better than a jack hammer or drill all afternoon, but it doesn't make it right! You've said yourself in nearly every reply how loud he is! I'm sure it seems twice as loud for them! Maybe they have safeguarding concerns that he is allowed in the garden naked?