Neighbours complained about Autistic Son

[NatureandBee]

Just found out that my next door neighbours have complained about my autistic DS. The complaint was related to him shouting in the garden(he’s non verbal and he vocally stims) and how he sometimes has no clothes on in the garden and their grandchildren can see him.

They put in a complaint to my HA and I wish they had spoken to me first. I do understand how loud he can be and I try hard to keep him dressed. The fences are high but they can see into my garden from their bedroom windows.

He’s not out there from morning til night, only in the school holidays and after school for a bit. I also work and he stays with his Dad for part of the week.

I feel so on edge now and feel like I can’t have him in the garden in case they complain again, I’m also a single parent and it makes me feel vulnerable that they have an issue with us.

They are an older couple with an immaculate garden/house. I do understand how they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden and obviously they deserve to not be disturbed.

I’m ashamed to say I cried when I was told of the complaint, I’m embarrassed now 🙈

Let’s not let them regulate, that leads to a completely calm and peaceful environment.

Jesus, some of these replies. You sound like a great mum and I can't imagine being in your shoes. If I were you I wouldn't pay it any attention to be honest x

WTAF? If people can’t look out of their bedroom windows, what the hell can they do? That is the most ridiculous statement on this thread.

Try Germany where they are not freaked out by nudity. The segregation and puritan lust in Britain is fucking frightening.

Because nudity isn’t illegal unless their is intent behind it.

Much like the naked bike ride is perfectly legal. Our lido hold naked swimming sessions. There are nudist beaches. Nudist rambling groups and so on.

without intent it’s just a mere naked body.

I'm sorry but a man wandering naked along a canal bank is not to be trusted. And that wouldn't be legal in Germany, either. It's not a sauna or a beach.

Sorry if you’ve answered this OP, but would you move to a detached house that isn’t overlooked? That way your son can enjoy his own garden as he chooses and you have peace of mind knowing that he isn’t disturbing others… As your DS gets older, I imagine this situation might escalate as he becomes louder and obviously a 15 year old naked is a little different to a ten year old naked…

Then how come the Naked Rambler keeps getting arrested? I presume the Naked Bike Ride (why? what a ghastly idea!) has some kind of special dispensation. Lidos and pools (and the sea, or rather specific beaches) are a bit of a special case, because it is opt in and in a circumscribed area.

😂😂
Such a simple answer the Op says her house is housing association
They dont tend to just have a glut of detached not overlooked houses.

How lovely that you have a child who isn't on screens all the time. Your neighbours should appreciate that a young person needs to be out and it's what a garden is for, and they should learn to work around the shouting as he would find it difficult to just stop. How awful that they would want to deprive him of his enjoyment of his garden when they are so much more privileged. It's a shame they aren't willing to get to know you both a bit and be more supportive. But one doesn't choose ones neighbours I guess you can only try to build relationships over time.

Unfortunately there is a very high proportion of autism and other conditions in life today Parents should be encouraged to take a responsibility in educating their children People are very intolerant to many different types of self importance.Show understanding to both sides

Yes that will be a fun experiment!

People on here minimising the naked issue - at what age do you think it starts to become inappropriate? I’m guessing autistic or not, there comes a time when it’s just not acceptable that people have to keep their upstairs curtains drawn to avoid seeing someone flashing their bits off. Surely it crosses a boundary when they still do it as teens and young adults.

We are educating our children.

But some of them need to master not throwing their own shit at walls before we can master using inside voices in what is actually outside.

Autism isn’t self importance. It’s autism.

So a very fast Google.

It appears his arrests are in Scotland and then he breaches his bail or release conditions. Including being naked in front of the sheriff although at least twice he has been let off because that particular law enforcement doesn’t see the issue.

English law isn’t the same as Scottish when it comes to this.

So if someone chose to go to the supermarket naked, there would be no legal grounds to stop them?

Please don’t worry about this at all. Your housing association will have your back.

It wouldn’t be illegal to go shopping naked no.

However each store sets its own dress code basically so if Tesco says no naked people then no naked people. Much like pubs can choose who to serve.

It’s younger than 10.

But try explaining that in a way that will immediately be understood.

There is no “you’re too old for that to be acceptable, now stop it” that will work the very instant you say it.

I can’t speak for OP, I don’t know the exact details, but I have a 10 year old who is actually a 3 year old in the areas he’s more developed in and younger in the rest.

He’s currently in bed with a Gruffalo teddy, his Cars pyjamas and a VTech toy for a toddler. “Sue next door doesn’t want to see your bum” is a bit outside of his immediate grasp.

So what do you suggest we do in these situations?? Gag them?

He definitely needs to pack it in

😂

Such wisdom...

I'm so sorry you were upset by it @NatureandBee, I would have been too. In fact I was so upset by something similar during Covid that I brought DC inside and stopped letting her out in the garden at all. We went for our daily walks and then post-Covid when she needs to be outside I take her to the park (for h o u r s). We haven't used the garden for ages.

The neighbours who complained were not satisfied with that, they have escalated and escalated because actually what they don't like is living next door to an autistic child. They didn't like her stimming in the garden but it turns out that other things they don't like include: the sight of ear defenders, flappy hands, sunflower lanyards, her SEN friends visiting, wearing the same t-shirt multiple days running (it's actually 5 of the same t-shirt but whatever), school transport stopping outside in the morning, the rock collection outside the front door and the pinecone / conker stash. It's culminated in them becoming threatening and abusive and frankly I wish I'd told them to fuck off back in 2020 and carried on using the garden, because appeasement was unsuccessful and just encouraged them. I've given my head a mumsnet wobble and realised that staying out of my own garden for six years is MADNESS and I'm now doing the garden up to use again. There is nothing I can do that will keep these twats happy so I may as well enjoy the garden.

I do think he should be wearing clothes when outside to be honest at ten. What will you do when he is 12/13/14? He can’t go outside without clothes on then so I would try to cross that bridge. I can see why noise disturbance would cause an issue; equally they could show some tolerance. I can see why you are upset and feel vulnerable; you could write them a polite letter saying what you’ve said here more or less and see how they respond.
I don’t mind some shouting in the garden from my kid or neighbors but if it was screaming or something along those lines I would find it intrusive. I wouldn’t let my son scream or shriek in the garden persistently as our neighbours would definitely complain - telling you that in the hope it makes it feel less personal. Xxx