Neighbours complained about Autistic Son

[NatureandBee]

Just found out that my next door neighbours have complained about my autistic DS. The complaint was related to him shouting in the garden(he’s non verbal and he vocally stims) and how he sometimes has no clothes on in the garden and their grandchildren can see him.

They put in a complaint to my HA and I wish they had spoken to me first. I do understand how loud he can be and I try hard to keep him dressed. The fences are high but they can see into my garden from their bedroom windows.

He’s not out there from morning til night, only in the school holidays and after school for a bit. I also work and he stays with his Dad for part of the week.

I feel so on edge now and feel like I can’t have him in the garden in case they complain again, I’m also a single parent and it makes me feel vulnerable that they have an issue with us.

They are an older couple with an immaculate garden/house. I do understand how they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden and obviously they deserve to not be disturbed.

I’m ashamed to say I cried when I was told of the complaint, I’m embarrassed now 🙈

With an intermittant happy scream ?
He also whistles 😂

thank you for saving me the trouble :)

Happy screams welcome in my house 😂

Oooh we haven’t mastered blowing yet, so whistling is new!

It’s his birthday today (I’ve been saying he’s 10 for weeks, it’s today) and we had to blow his candles out because he doesn’t know what blow means.

Whistling welcome, maybe we could learn something!

I don’t mean the mountains of Tibet, just somewhere around 50m from the next house.

Very 😂
In fact i had his teacher on the phone thos morning and could hear him the background

That’s not far enough.

You will still hear them, trust me.

I think people on MN (and generally in life) sometimes forget that their own kids are only really special to them. Perhaps you see him as a happy boy expressing his joy at running water, how sweet that he enjoys the simple things. They see him as a source of unpredictable loud screaming for no apparent reason, to them it’s deeply annoying, not sweet.

They have every right to enjoy their own garden and for their grandkids to not see a naked preteen when they look out of the window. It’s not as simple as “don’t look in that direction”, you can’t always control where the eye falls.

I can join in with a “bbrrrrrr” if you need bass or percussion? I’m told it’s the very specific whine of a Van Hool Elyzee mounted on a Volvo B10M chassis, but who the hell is going to know?

What attitude have the ha taken,they have to accept how difficult your position is.I'm not sure how fair it is to just pass this information on to you when there's very little you can do about it.

I do think you need to keep him clothed. He's entering puberty and you have a duty of care to help protect his dignity and safeguard him when he can't do it himself.

Oh, based on this thread (and others), someone will know.

Can I suggest our first band practice be… wherever OP lives?

In the Garden?

Teach him to at least wear shorts if he likes fresh air on his skin, it might appease him

Can't help with the noise OP but it doesn't sound like it's all day every day and you are doing what you can. I've not experienced of swimming, is it something they grow out of maybe or at least reduces?

With regards to the nakedness, I was actually discussing this in work today as a colleague has a nudist neighbours. It's all fine in the privacy of your own home/garden as long as there's nothing sexual. Here's a Google AI response

Ideally with the paddling pool.

Though we do have a habit of throwing all the water OUT of paddling pools using feet, hands and whole bodies in our house. Like a giant watery windmill action.

So there may also be a flood risk.

I said distract from, not suppress.

There are lots of stims that can be managed without causing distress. Companies that make sensory equipment that manages stims, have been a huge boon to parents and staff in specialist schools over recent years. Providing the facility to stim without distracting or or distressing other classmates or family members, and without causing distress to the autistic person, has helped all parties hugely in many cases.

Managing vocal stims to all parties advantage is a lot harder, but can be achieved to some level.

I will be for ever in awe of people like you who have so much to deal with - most of which would floor the ignorant and ableist people criticising here - who can still keep a sense of humour in the face of your difficulties.

Why should I be ashamed? How can you guarantee he will grow out of it? And where did I question he can be " guided" out of it. I was merely asking. I don't really care with this constant ableist insult thrown about. Go ahead and call me names for asking a question if you like but it's not something I'm automatically likely to know about

I think a lot of people appreciate some consideration and it goes a long way. I would feel very differently about a noisy child in a public place if I can see that parents are trying to manage the situation. Its the people who don't acknowledge the impact of their or their childrens behaviour on others who I am less tolerant of. If the neighbours knew OP is working on the nudity for example, they might be more tolerant of the occasions when it doesn't work.

I would like to be able to sit in my garden whenever I like and not hear any annoying noises from my neighbours. Fat chance! I live in a small rural village and quite often people are mowing lawns, using chainsaws and other garden stuff, having oil delivered, kids are shouting, people chatting, people having blazing rows sometimes.

Some people are just real fusspots. What are the HA going to suggest you do differently I wonder? Your neighbours will just have to get used to the sounds your son makes I'm afraid and I think that is what the HA will tell them. You are doing a sterling job don't let them make it any harder.

I agree. My problem is that the neighbours’ first action was to report OP to the housing association. It makes no difference whether or not they aware of the fact that he’s disabled - they took the nuclear option instead of knocking on the door and telling OP they had a problem.

But OP never said what she'd have done if they had knocked on her door

DS will soon put a stop to that by drinking the pool dry. Preferably after a few grubby children have paddled in it.

They’re fucking gross aren’t they 😂😂

She seems reasonable enough to me. Hopefully she would have discussed it and explained so that they understood, listened to their side and then they could have tried to come to some sort of compromise. Escalating straight to the housing association suggests an element of cowardice.