Neighbours complained about Autistic Son

[NatureandBee]

Just found out that my next door neighbours have complained about my autistic DS. The complaint was related to him shouting in the garden(he’s non verbal and he vocally stims) and how he sometimes has no clothes on in the garden and their grandchildren can see him.

They put in a complaint to my HA and I wish they had spoken to me first. I do understand how loud he can be and I try hard to keep him dressed. The fences are high but they can see into my garden from their bedroom windows.

He’s not out there from morning til night, only in the school holidays and after school for a bit. I also work and he stays with his Dad for part of the week.

I feel so on edge now and feel like I can’t have him in the garden in case they complain again, I’m also a single parent and it makes me feel vulnerable that they have an issue with us.

They are an older couple with an immaculate garden/house. I do understand how they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden and obviously they deserve to not be disturbed.

I’m ashamed to say I cried when I was told of the complaint, I’m embarrassed now 🙈

How long is a piece of string ?
My son is 16 and still likes to disrobe obvulously we try our best to preserve his dignity and keep him dressed but its an ongoing battle

As an ex housing officer for the council, I’d not let kids play outside naked. Purely because I know the paedophiles we housed who lived next door to kids. It used to make my blood run cold.

This isnt a grown man its a r
ten year old
I imagine if ot was a grown man he would have 2+ carers to prevent him from doing it.

Not sure.

He’s not a grown man, he’s 10.

My neighbours kids aren’t autistic. But by god do they make a lot of noise in the summer. Most of the time I love it, but the youngest is a drama queen and even though he is 9, he has huge crying fit and tantrums. They also have a basket ball net and they start playing in the drive every morning while waiting for their parents to come out. I am usually still in bed as I don’t actually have to get up until 8am now my kids are at university.

And the neighbours One on from them, have a daughter who plays netball for the county, so they also have a basket/net. 8 years of rhythmic balls bouncing on patio and off the backboard for a couple of hours several days a week, but especially in the summer when we are using the garden. She’s not autistic either, but, yes, it can drive me f8cking mad (in part because I am AuDHD, ironically).

Have I ever mentioned it? Would I complain? Of course not. Children make noise, autistic or not. I’m fairly sure none of them are naked and probably never have been, but I wouldn’t ever know because: I. Do. Not. Stand. Looking. Out. Of. My. WIndows. And neither do my kids, whose bedrooms overlook the gardens, so I have no idea why OP’s neighbours or their grandkids would need to. Other than to gawp at the disabled kid?

The neighbours are ableist and obnoxious. They didn’t even try to approach OP - a little letter through the door etc. And why? Because they know they are being unreasonable.

Firstly, it is not true.
Secondly, even if it were it wouldn't explain why he couldn't do it for now.

I like the solution with adding extra shading to the garden for the next summer, sounds good for him as well.

However, it would be good if everyone started from the understanding, that it is legal and that the complaint probably doesn't have a leg to stand on. The OP is stressed enough and working on it. People screaming "inappropriate" and "illegal" don't help in any way.

Which isn't the issue here, at least not for now.

Perfectly put! Though I am truly, deeply sorry for the amount of noise you have to deal with. But as you say, it is kids being kids and it is a part of life and to be tolerated. We were all noisy kids ourselves, once, too!

The only noise I will not tolerate is from adults who should know better, loud parties, constant banging/shouting etc etc. Kids making noise? It's not pleasant to listen to and my own drive me mad often times (ADHD also, very sensory and particularly noise-sensitive) but they often times can't help it, it's part of their development, and I accept that.

Idk why OPs neighbours seems to be glued to their window, but honestly think you're right they're just gawping at the autistic kid. Since they sound older, I imagine they have nothing much better to do than fuss over this. I have lived among various different old(er) people in my life, and every single one of them had a problem with something that someone else was doing that was never any bother to anyone else, eeeevery single time.

One of them was when I lived underneath an older man in a flat (he was around 70 but physically able), he first had a problem with me leaving my pram in the communal hallway (spacious, lots of room to walk through, not blocking a fire exit), then he blamed me for leaving the building door open (wasn't me) and put a handwritten sign up, then he blamed me for "running up the stairs" (again, not me), another sign up, then went one further and was banging on my door because he had found a 2x2inch piece of tissue outside my door, and told me I need to stop literring in the building as it is illegal. 😵‍💫

Some people, and particularly older people, really will just moan about anything. And they love nothing more than their victims to pander to them, so they can make more ridiculous demands.

So.. people shouldn't look through their own windows.. just the downstairs windows? And "if you choose to live in a house that overlooks someone's garden.." - eh?? So.. every house bar bungalows.. what a weird take on this!

Some sensible suggestions, OP, are to teach / train your child to wear clothes and reward them for doing so. Don't let them out until they are wearing clothes and bring them inside if the clothes are removed. Consider privacy mesh / netting to prevent neighbours seeing into your garden. Yes, your neighbours do have a right to enjoy peace and quiet in their homes and gardens but not 100% of the time. And they definitely can insist that children of a certain age be dressed when outside. That's a normal preference.

There is case law about a woman who was shouting at all hours (i have a son with severe autism so have looked it up - send parents get very used to looking at law). It ended up with her applying for JR on grounds of disability discrimination. The judge disallowed it and ruled against her because the LA had offered all sorts of support that she turned down (this is the crux of it). The LA also said that they wouldn't pursue her with criminal proceedings.

I'd look at if there is any extra support of help you want from the LA (respite, activity budget to replace garden time,sensory equipment, extra OT/ SALT support and also if there is anything that a DFG; disabilities facilities grant could help with- better garden fencing, an extention for a wetroom/ sensory room). I'd use this as a means of getting extra support in place if that is what you want, i'd think about what you want in place for him over the next few years too? The HA can't do anything to you without supporting you to try to mitigate the impact as much as possible or at least offering to. If you agree and say you will work with them but require x support due to his disability.

My own opinion is that the neighbours are being p£=/%s who should know better. Your son can't help it and if that is where he finds happiness then let him have it. I'd also be tempted to start enjoying my garden more when he is out of the house and develop a love of any noise they dislike either that or start to learn the recorder in the garden.

https://brodies.com/insights/public-law-and-regulation/how-does-a-council-balance-disability-discrimination-and-nuisance/

Well yes that would then obviously be an issue but the nakedness alone isn’t.

At 16 I really hope he is only disrobing where nobody can see him. It just isn't appropriate, it is indecent. I don't want to be unfeeling and I do agree that a society needs to accommodate people with additional needs, but nobody should have to see a nude adult male (or female!)

10 is a preteen and far too old to be nude in public.

Yes, bizarre isn't it? People Seriously suggesting these people should not look out of their windows?! My home office is upstairs and I can see into my neighbours garden. They can see into mine from their bedroom and bathroom. Neither would dream of telling the other they should not look out of their windows.

You know stimming is counted as a behaviour, right?
It’s “self regulating behaviour”.

If this isn't nipped in the bud now, he will indeed have to have carers holding him down to prevent him from stripping off.

oh were it that easy to find residential places for severely autistic teenagers! 😂 Even assuming parents would want to, and certainly it should NEVER be considered primarily because your noisy autistic child is annoying the neighbours. Basically saying - as far as they're concerned, he just shouldn't exist. That's not nice, is it?

I know its not appropriare but he doesnt as i said we are doing our best to keep him dressed
Its not like i allow him to walk down street naked.

that is a bloody good point. The neighbours making an official complaint might actually boost OP's child's needs as far as social services/LA are concerned, and unlock additional provision and help. Sad but often true.

Where we live a man walks down the canal naked. A grown man who is not ND. The police don't arrest him for that.

OP they are being unreasonable. Your garden, he can be naked.

They sound ridiculous.

Don’t worry about it. You’re not making noise after 11pm. He’s allowed to enjoy his garden. It’s getting colder now anyway - surely they aren’t sat out there all day?!

Why on earth is this man allowed to do that!? I don't believe you.

They're pricks, so sorry.

I do understand how they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden and obviously they deserve to not be disturbed.

They don’t obviously deserve not to be disturbed. That’s not how a community works. If they don’t want to be disturbed, they need to live in a detached house in the middle of nowhere! You and your son deserve to live your lives ❤️.

You might try reading more carefully before being so eager to rudely argue and mock things that weren't even what was stated. My post stands. The OP is free to consider it or not, as she chooses.