You're 8 now, old enough to do it yourself

[Angrycatnoises]

Do you agree?

Dd when she finished her bowl of pomegranate seeds on the sofa asked Dh to go and put it in the kitchen please. Each time this happens or she asks for a drink/snack, he says she should take it back herself etc. I tend to do it mostly for her, she's very independent, always has been, sorts her own school bag, homework, showers etc, but she's still only young and it's not too much that a parent brings her food and drinks, is it?!

Dh and I disagree a little on this

How much do you do for your 8 year old (or around that age)?

Because Mumsnet said so? Honestly, don’t.

We do it for DD sometimes (she asks politely) and she’s 15. She also does it for us. Mainly because in a family sometime a it’s nice to just be nice and help each other out even if there isn’t a need.

There is nothing wrong with taking someone's plate to the kitchen if you happen to be going there, but your DD is actually asking her dad to take the plate. Surely you can see the difference OP?

Team DH all the way.

Fucking pomegranate seeds 🤦🏼‍♀️🥴😂😂

“Tell me you’re on Mumsnet without telling me you’re on Mumsnet”
This place never fails to keep me entertained 😂

Don't ask me to do something which you can do for yourself! Even at 8.

I don't think I've taken their plates out for them since they got tall enough to reach the counter. Not unless I was going out there anyway and just took theirs too. Bit odd to be doing it at 8.

"I tend to do it mostly for her, she's very independent, always has been....."

Sounds contradictory.

I can't believe what I just read. Of course she takes her bowl to the kitchen herself. Not that she'd be allowed that near the sofa in my house. Are you raising a victorian princess?!

Sometimes I do take the plate or bowl, but ai try and make a point not to. I have a teen who is getting lazy and trying to make sure the younger one doesn’t copy the older one’s lazy ways, younger one is very happy to do things himself, older teen used to be but now just leaves stuff until someone (me) gets annoyed and tells them to stop being so lazy.

At 8 she can carry her own dirty plate

I don’t think anyone is wrong exactly but I wouldn’t listen to my kids ordering me around like this. Fair enough if I’m offering - and I offer plenty to my kids all the time - but if we are all lazing around and they need something for themselves that they are fully capable of doing then off they go to do it. Then ideally they should see if anyone else wants anything in the kitchen while they’re at it. Just part of learning how to live in the world really.

My 5 year old takes their own plate/bowl out when finished eating, i obviously prepare the food but taking it back out he is very capable of.

I’m a teacher who is away at school camp at the moment with ages 10-12. Reading this thread has made me understand more about their shocking behaviour at meal times.

YES your 8 year old should be able, and required to, put their dirty plates in the sink/dishwasher/wherever your family put dirty plates. They might even, shock horror, be required to wash them up themselves!!

I would expect my 5yo to take his bowl back to the kitchen. He might not do it every time and I might need to remind him or sometimes I will grab it for him if I was going anyway but I’d always try to make sure he did it to get in the habit. No way I’d get up at take it away because he asked me to, he’d definitely be doing it himself.

My 3-year-old granddaughter takes her bowl/plate/cup into the kitchen when she's finished. She also thanks whoever made the dinner.

This could not be a real post, op if you are not joking then sort your parenting out, you’re raising a brat!

Let her relax??? Good grief.

My children’s lives are relaxing and fun filled enough already… mine on the other hand… 😂

we have 6 kids. The baby obviously can’t do much for himself but my three year old and all her older siblings know to scrape their plate into the bin and put the plate in the sink after a meal or snack. Older ones generally get themselves snacks/drinks now but I still do this for my 3 and 5 year old.

I think if your husband was headed to kitchen anyway it’s not unreasonable for him to take the plate away or get her a snack etc but it’s a bit much for her to expect him to do it just to save her getting up when they are both sitting at that point.

Oh god, I’d definitely do it for her, not sure that’s a popular opinion but my parents never did anything for me and tbh and in my head it contributed to it not feeling very homely.

My 2 year old will take his dishes in the kitchen.
My older 2 have always taken their dishes to the kitchen when finished.
Age 12 and age 8.
That's the rule I have always had pick up your dishes after you finished your food.
You are not an animal that's what I say if they leave them 😂

I make my one year old clear up after themselves.

Of course an 8 yo can!

I’ve got a severely cognitively impaired 10 year old who takes his own plate to the kitchen after dinner. And gets his own yogurts out the fridge. And his own snacks from the cupboard, and brings you them to open for him.

He’s cognitively around 3.

He doesn’t however know what a pomegranate is.

TBH, I'm not sure why she didn't just encourage her daughter to leave it there for the cleaner to tidy up in the morning. All this manual labour is ridiculous, isn't it?!

As many others have said, if he was getting up and going in the kitchen anyway and she asked him to take her bowl, I think that’s absolutely fine.

But asking/expecting him to get up especially to do it for her, because she’s “comfy in her pajamas”… absolutely not.

I was ready to argue with your dh (not personally 😉) because my own dh tells our kids to do a huge amount of stuff, things it’s my or his job to do. But putting a bowl in the kitchen I think should be something they do, also asking him to do it for her could develop into a ‘my parents are servants’ thing!!!!

You don’t need to hear another person tell you the should be doing it herself, so I won’t, but I just wanted to add - you can pamper/baby/whatever your child as much as you like, but you can’t expect your husband to do the same. My husband panders to our daughter far more than I do, he’s genuinely happy to do things that I just wouldn’t be. Neither of us are right or wrong - if he wants to spend his time doing something I think is unnecessary, it’s his time to spend. The difference is, he doesn’t argue or tell me I should also be doing whatever he wants to do for her. I think that’s where you’re going a bit wrong.