You're 8 now, old enough to do it yourself

[Angrycatnoises]

Do you agree?

Dd when she finished her bowl of pomegranate seeds on the sofa asked Dh to go and put it in the kitchen please. Each time this happens or she asks for a drink/snack, he says she should take it back herself etc. I tend to do it mostly for her, she's very independent, always has been, sorts her own school bag, homework, showers etc, but she's still only young and it's not too much that a parent brings her food and drinks, is it?!

Dh and I disagree a little on this

How much do you do for your 8 year old (or around that age)?

Where is here?

My 3yo only relies on me for snacks I've put out of reach, and I don't have to take his rubbish to the bin either.

My MIL is astounded by him - but then she would always be making snacks for her sons whilst they gamed. And she serves drinks like a bloody waitress - without a please or thank you.

I get the itch to give her socks and say "Dobby is a free elf" when she does it.

Of course she shouldn’t be asking her bloody parents to take an empty bowl back to the kitchen for her. By all means offer if you want, but she shouldn’t be asking you to do it because she’s not two.

yes of course she should be tidying up after herself
Our house rule = you get something out you tidy up, you mess up you clean up
Also making kids look and think"hmm a mess, i did not do it but it would be so helpful for mum if i tidied up"

I’m with your DH, she should already have been doing that for a few years.

My 7 and 8 year old have to take all rubbish, plates etc back into the kitchen, scrape plates into bin etc. it’s basic skills they should be learning, they have been doing that since they were very little. Same as clothes in the wash after wearing. They don’t do so much in the way of chores ( although they do hoover, polish, empty the dishwasher, help me carry shopping in etc occasionally) but I’m quite firm on them cleaning up after themselves otherwise they will grow into adults who don’t clean up after themselves.

Taking something back, unless the table, worktop or dishwasher is too high to reach she should do herself. If she wants a hot drink then yes an adult should supervise/ do this

Only at Waitrose.

From the age they could walk ( so 2ish) mine took their bowl / plate to the kitchen.

really not a big task and good they start to learn to help out.

hardly sending them up the chimneys but just age appropriate help !

My 4 year old is absolutely expected to clear up after himself. He only puts it on the side or in the sink in the kitchen. In terms of getting food and drinks, of course, I still help with that! I guess a lot of it may be accessibility with an 8 year old.

It’s just poor training in my
opinion. I’ve had five of them so independence was hugely encouraged from as soon as possible . It makes kids confident and self reliant .

So you don't think your DH has a point that you should not be waiting on her like she is in a restaurant?

My 2 year old loves getting her own snack from the fruit bowl, or helpfully taking things into the kitchen to put them in the bin for you.

But she absolutely will not put her bottle of evening milk down - one must take it directly out of her hand, or all hell breaks loose. She waves it in the air rather than just setting it down, no matter what I do.

Good to know I can expect to see such odd behaviour for many years to come!

If my 4 or 6 year old asked me to take their dirty bowl back to the kitchen for them, they would be told no.

They’re also asked to bring their dirty dinner plates etc into the kitchen.

Poshville.

I make my five year old take her dirty dishes to the kitchen so I’m sure an 8 year old can manage it.

This
kids need to learn!

It's give and take in our household. I'll happily still bring or take stuff for my teens but they do the same for me. I might ask for one of them to bring me packet of crisps or if they could make me a cup of coffee and they'll do it and bring it to me. I like that we care for each other.

2.9yo DGS takes his empty bowl, which has very often contained pomegranate seeds bought from Asda, to the kitchen. He won’t get away with asking DS2 to take it when he’s 8. By the time my kids were 8 they were cooking a basic meal. If your DH was going to the kitchen anyway it wouldn’t have hurt to take it, but to make a special trip, absolutely not.

I'd take her bowl if I was getting up but generally I expect my kids to take their plates or bowls out to the kitchen. It's not even an issue they just do it automatically (and my kids are pretty lazy).

I think it’s fine for your DH to say no, and request she do it herself. And I think it’s fine for you to do it for her if you want to - as long as she doesn’t treat you like a servant in general. She can differentiate context and different people’s boundaries.

But I think tying it, or anything, to her age is not OK. It falls into the ‘you’re too old for x’, ‘only babies do y’, ‘haven’t you grown out of z’ shaming trope. People are who they are, kids are who they are - making them feel like they’re behind or wrong is a horrible thing to do. Correct the behaviour, sure - but don’t critique who they are.

YABU, I agree with your DH that she should take it back to the kitchen herself. Plenty old enough to do that.

Thats has got to be one of the most middle class sentence ever made on MNs 🙄🙄

Aged 5 I wasn’t just bringing back my own plates but also other people’s. At 8 I’d expect them to do their own washing up and some light meal prep like making their own pomegranate seeds, a sandwich or any other snack they may need.

I wouldn’t expect to be prepping snacks for a child that age, nevermind bringing them a plate and taking it back.

This is the maddest post I've ever read. What, actually, is your question? Kids should be encouraged (told) to be respectful, and as far as it is reasonable, to eat what is put in front of them. I'm not really seeing much of that in your initial post, what do you actually want? We are all happy to help, but we do need a bit of background, and information on potential "Boundaries" xxx