You're 8 now, old enough to do it yourself

[Angrycatnoises]

Do you agree?

Dd when she finished her bowl of pomegranate seeds on the sofa asked Dh to go and put it in the kitchen please. Each time this happens or she asks for a drink/snack, he says she should take it back herself etc. I tend to do it mostly for her, she's very independent, always has been, sorts her own school bag, homework, showers etc, but she's still only young and it's not too much that a parent brings her food and drinks, is it?!

Dh and I disagree a little on this

How much do you do for your 8 year old (or around that age)?

Am I perfectly capable of taking my own dirty dish/cup/glass to the kitchen....yes. Is it lovely when someone who cares for me does it for me? Absolutely. And I'm nearly 40.

It's my kids (7&5) job to clear the table after meals, load the dishwasher etc, but sometimes DH or I do it instead because honestly it's just nice as a family to do things for eachother sometimes... right?!

You say she's switched on doing all sorts of other things so presumably she's able to take her own bowl, if you want to do something nice for her that's also fine?

Not sure there's an issue really.

Wtf?!!

That's completely at odds with your post though?

@BeardySchnauzer

what’s the issue with pomegranate seeds?

Of course she's old enough to tidy up after herself. Unless she's poorly, she shouldn't be asking anyone else to do that for her.

She's been to school and done a bit of sports and you think expecting her to take a bowl to the sink is too much. Presumably DH has done a full days work.

Oh goodness - she should definitely take her own bowl back, and ideally put it in the dishwasher (you can work on perfect loading later, just an awareness it exists and is where the dirty plates need to be put is enough at 8)

If I hadn't trained mine early, I'd still be taking their stuff to the kitchen now they're teens!

(I'm not a monster - if I'm getting up anyway, then I'll bring whatever/take away whatever, but I would also expect them to do the same for me if they were going to the kitchen and I had a dirty plate)

I said SOMETIMES
I don't see it as acting as her slave, she's my child

This, OP! @Angrycatnoises

For the life of me, I cannot imagine anyone over the age of 2, with legs, saying to someone other than a slave or a servant ‘can you take my bowl for me’ if the other person is also sat there relaxing on the sofa. It’s absurd. It would be utterly disastrous to teach an 8 year old that they can request that, and if it’s true, you will be rueing being a slave to her in the future.

im not sure what the joke is, but I do think this is one.

This isn’t about independence, this is about teaching her basic consideration and respect for others. A child raised to think it’s everyone else’s job to clear up after her becomes an entitled and self centred adult.

Just read some of the posts on here where posters complain about their rude, ungrateful teenagers… this sort of thing is how it starts!

I think you're infantalising your DD and not doing her any favours. Your DH has the right idea on this. You're supposed to be raising an adult.

Thank you! This is exactly my point

You said

I tend to do it mostly for her

So I naturally took that to mean it was most of the time.

Yes it's nice to do little things like make her a snack or tidy stuff away sometimes unexpectedly but she's expecting you to do it because she's actively asking you to take her stuff. That's not behaviour I'd want to encourage.

At eight my DC were taught how to make a tea or coffee, started helping in the kitchen with simple dinners and went to the corner shop (which is less than 50 meters away) to get something like a pint of milk.
They also got their packed lunches ready for school and if they went away with cubs or brownies they were responsible for packing their own bags.

Team DH

Gen X here. I cannot imagine asking my parents to move my bowl and take it to the kitchen for me, no matter how nicely. I also have lost of siblings. This would have been seen as a bit rude and entitled.

My own DC would have taken their own dishes to the dishwasher and rubbish to the bin.

They have been old enough to tidy up after themselves for a few years.

Was your DH on his way to the kitchen when she asked? Or did she expect him to get up and take it back for her? Because the second is so astonishingly rude that I'm almost speechless that anyone would think it was acceptable. She's eight. She can take her bowl into the kitchen, rinse it and put it in the dishwasher.

Me too.

Bowl of snacks would have been enough.
X

Still peel bits and some seeds remaining

My five year old is expected to take his own plate to the kitchen. He can get his own drink but I get snacks for him as he can’t reach the cupboard.

But her dad DIDN’T want to take her plate out for her and didn’t offer so it was a different scenario to what you’re describing. Somebody offering to do something to help a family member is not the same as a family member asking someone to do something purely because they’re too lazy to do it themselves.

I agree with your husband, I think you want to be setting them up for longer term and at 8 shes old enough to tidy up after herself and do small chores