You're 8 now, old enough to do it yourself

[Angrycatnoises]

Do you agree?

Dd when she finished her bowl of pomegranate seeds on the sofa asked Dh to go and put it in the kitchen please. Each time this happens or she asks for a drink/snack, he says she should take it back herself etc. I tend to do it mostly for her, she's very independent, always has been, sorts her own school bag, homework, showers etc, but she's still only young and it's not too much that a parent brings her food and drinks, is it?!

Dh and I disagree a little on this

How much do you do for your 8 year old (or around that age)?

Right?! I didn't realise they were such a strange thing to eat

Yes

Ok calm down 😂

I’m with you. She sounds like she’s brilliant and does so much already. It’s ok to do things for her too. Don’t we all like to be looked after sometimes. She won’t always be 8! You sound like a lovely mum

At 7 & 11 they scrape their left overs in the bin, rinse their plate and put it in the dishwasher. Then they get a cloth and wipe the table. If i find plates or wrappers left anywhere but thw kitchen I call them back to clear them up. Same with shoes, coat and lunch box.

Maybe I am a bit strict!!

You’re missing the point with this.
sometimes we all do nice things for other humans.
the point is the expectation. This isn’t her place to ask, and to do so is unspeakably rude. She should never be expecting anyone else to do her chore that she is perfectly capable of. If they do do it, lovely. If not, it’s on her.

You are spoiling your PFB.

My 4yo is expected to put her own stuff in the bin, dirty dish in the sink etc. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t instil basic stuff like this from as early as possible. They do it at nursery for a reason!

It's never "too much" for a parent to show affection and care for their child. If she's independent generally and not being coddled or sheltered, then do what makes you happy and what makes her feel loved. It has to work for you, not for other people. And there's that saying - never do what others can do for you, which I quite like.

(To answer your questions, my parents did a lot of that for me - I didn't even have to ask - but that was paired with being overprotective and it was quite counterproductive. I prefer to sit back where my child of similar age is concerned, but I do take the plate occasionally.)

Thank you, that's kind, really doubting things now X

Again. It doesn’t matter how she asked. NO ONE who can do it themselves should be asking this, however politely, of anyone else.

I think if she’s old enough to know the bowl should go back and care whether it does, she is old enough to take it herself.

Of course it's ok to do things for her- we all do that for our children. That's not what you originally posted about though.

@Angrycatnoises your Dd shouldn't be expecting you and your dh to take out her plates and fetch drinks and snacks for her. If your Dh offers to take out her plate or she politely asks occasionally if he would mind taking her plate to the kitchen because he was on his way there anyway that's different. She should know at this age that her parents should be respected and are not there to do her bidding like servants.

Even if she did ask nicely, he should be able to say no. Because she absolutely can do it herself.

Indeed. It's funny how the OPs changed the story.

The fact your daughter is asking repeatedly and you're expecting your husband to pander to her request is the complete opposite to your claims she's very independent.

Why? You don't eat without spilling?

My kid’s just finished his pork scratchings on the couch, the butler cleared it away for him.

Yes I feel like the story's changed a bit... Funny that

The 9 year old in my life is expected to take her stuff to the kitchen/bin etc as is her 5 year old brother. 9 gets her own and brothers snacks and drinks as well. She also makes them breakfast if they're up earlier on the weekends (this is not an expectation, she chooses to). 5 gets some of his own snacks but has more help with things he can't reach or need more dexterity.

And 8 year old certainly doesn't need to be waited on!!!

@FieryA Food is eaten at the table here.

Unless he was already going out to the kitchen I would say she could do it herself. I see it as rude to ask, so if you offer to take her dish then that's fine, but if she is asking you to do it when you are also sitting on the sofa relaxing then I think she should be told to do it herself.

Agreed.

Your dh isn't doing anything wrong OP, by saying she's old enough to do things herself or saying no to her. He's being a good parent.

Ok thanks all, taking it all
on board and will tell her to do it herself