Fed up with ex working at my workplace

[OneGreyBiscuit]

For context - split with ex march 25, was told he would be working in my dept at work where I've worked for ten years as he'd applied for drivers job there. Understandably I wasn't happy but just asked if he could be kept off my shifts. This worked to begin with but lately he's been in on my shifts more and more. Im finding this really unfair and am still angry they took him on in the first place, knowing the history. The two in charge who took him on couldn't care less about how this would affect me, so I feel like I've got nowhere to go and have to accept this. Would anyone else feel the same?

I suggest you are the bully for writing false information. I didn't say anything demeaning about him or his work to the manager yesterday only about my frustration of overlapping shifts. Maybe you should take a new manager course

Nobody ‘agrees’ with it, but that’s not your issue to worry about unless you’re his manager. People can just see the reality that you are wasting your energy on this because you can’t do anything about it anyway. A bit like how we are all wasting our energy replying to you because you’re just not talking anything on board.

Seriosly OP will you consider applying for CMS? Its a win win.

It'll either scare him off, or you'll at least get some compensation for the twat being at your work and be satisfied that it will piss him off that him trying to get one over on you has spurred you into garnishing his wages so he pays the way for his kids for once!. Xx

You can’t control what other people do.

Why isn’t he paying maintenance if he is employed?

I've taken the replies on board as I stated a couple of pages back. That I wasn't going to say anymore, suck it up as I can't do anything about it. I said my peace yesterday and that'll have to be that. Hopefully this is read before I get jumped on for being a manipulative bully again!

@OneGreyBiscuit

Please do take the advice to go after him for CMS.

I really feel for your manager. They're not paid enough to deal with this nonsense.

Have you run out of accusations?? Managers should be there to listen to their employees concerns as well as supervise their work. May I suggest YOU are the one who's not paid enough. You wouldn't want me as an employee and I certainly wouldn't want you as a manager!

I realise it’s uncomfortable but what do you expect your employer to do - sack him because you say so?

If that’s the case I’d just ignore him, the more you rise the more he wins. Go to work, ignore him and get on with your day

He is now your ex. You are giving him too much headspace. I would ignore him and treat him as though he doesn’t matter whilst putting a child maintenance claim in. Stop looking at his shifts and dwelling on him.

Do you honestly think it goes like this

'Manager you need to sack him we broke up'

'Ok let's get rid of him'

I wouldn’t like it at all and it sounds very manipulative on his part, but sadly the company can’t really do much about it. They can’t sack him because he’s your ex if he’s performing adequately at work.

In an ideal world you’d have someone nice doing the rota and trying to keep you apart, but I imagine logistically that’s tricky sometimes and they are under no obligation to even try.

Should they? They are there to manage the work not your "concerns" and certainly not to the point of sacking an employee and breaching employment law just because you want them to.

Ahhh, these comments definitely give more context to your OP. A person who accuses someone on Mumsnet of 'bullying by writing false information' is exactly the sort of person who overreacts in their life in general.

I'd suggest taking a deep breath and getting over it. YES, it must be horrible for your ex to suddenly be working there, YES he's probably a spiteful dickhead for doing it - but your employers haven't done anything wrong and if you continue going round making such a big deal of things, he'll end up winning because you'll cause yourself problems at work.

In fairness it’s not a managers job to get embroiled in employees personal issues. They aren't counsellors.

I know that, that's why I've put that in two posts now that obviously aren't being read. I said nothing to management at work today and will not from now on.

Could you please point out a post of mine where I've said I want him sacked?? I'm not that stupid, I know full well they can't sack him🤷

Then what else do you want? What laws have he broken? What grounds can they speak to him on?

Why is it ok that he can mention me and my hours in a meeting but not ok for me to? Does anyone think that it's ok that he can get a job where he knows full well that I work there and then decides he's being put out by me working there! I'd love to reverse this and post "oh I got a job where my ex works but I'm getting a bit peeved that I might see them and told management this, what's your opinion on this?".

I don't want anything now. I'm putting up and shutting up because I'll be damned if he's going to force me out of my job even though half of you have suggested I leave.

On another note if I go to CMS and he claims he can't do his job properly because of the stress of paying towards his child, are they going to see me as the problem again?

As pretty much everyone has said, what he does is not within your control. The only thing you can change here is your own behaviour, either by (1) disengaging and altering your own attitude to his presence in the workplace, or by (2) leaving.

If you’re determined not to leave, then you’re going to have to find a way of coming to terms with his presence. That doesn’t mean it’s ’OK’, by any means, only that it’s a waste of your emotional energy to get angry about things you think he shouldn’t have done, or that your employers shouldn’t have done, but which are outside your control.

If you genuinely think he took this job to spite you, he would be delighted to know his presence was upsetting and angering you — your best revenge is learning to be indifferent and to focus on your own life.

Who is ‘they’?

He can work where he wants to.

Firms don’t hire based on previous relationships. 🤷‍♀️