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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want ds, 9, to attend the sex education lessons at school?

306 replies

fircone · 01/07/2008 14:00

It's just that he is only a little boy. He is the youngest in the year and is completely un-streetwise. His friends' mothers are unhappy about these lessons too.

I'm not Victoria Gillick (remember her, anyone?) and I would be happy for information to be provided at the end of Year 6 before they move up to secondary school, but I strongly feel that at nine years old this is going to be all too much.

I know that there is the brigade who insist that children must be aware of everything from the earliest age, but I am happy for children to stay children for as long as possible.

OP posts:
Neeerly3 · 01/07/2008 14:03

don't you have the option for him to opt out? However if you do this, I guess you risk him being teased by the children that did attend and he will be in the dark as to what they are laughing about.

Could you set the scene before he has the lessons? I think I was 9 when i had my first 'talk' with my mum and then had the lessons at school.

Tortington · 01/07/2008 14:03

they can be both - they dont turn into pimps and ho's becuase of sex ed

i think this stems from lack of knowledge about what is atually going to take place in the classroom

i think you need to speak with the school or LA and get more informatin and them make a decision based on facts and not specualtion

Anna8888 · 01/07/2008 14:03

I think you should go with the flow, personally. If your DS' peer group is going to be informed about sex, your DS needs to be as informed as they in order to keep up. Do you want to make him a target for bullying?

Personally, I think 9 is quite late to learn about sex.

beaniesteve · 01/07/2008 14:05

Have you talked to him about sex at all? I think by nine children would be asking questions and if not then parents should be discussing sex/love/relationships with them.

Personally I think it would be wrong for his first understanding of sex to come just from Sex education lesson in school as it's better for it to be a combination of conversations with parents and awareness at school.

titchy · 01/07/2008 14:07

I think you'll find at 9 (if he's the youngest is he Yr 5?) he knows the basics anyway! I'd certainly be astonished if any 9 year old didn't. Let him go - he'll find out what was said from all the others in his class that'll attend anyway so you won't be able to shelter him.

moopymoo · 01/07/2008 14:07

Agree with custardo - get the facts about what they are going to deliver. I would be very surprised if they were showing them how to put on a condom etc at this age. more 'where do babies come from' kind of thing. which they will all be talking about themselves anyway adn going 'eeewww' about. my ds1 is very unstreetwise really, but knows the basic facts - he 10 now.

Original poster
fircone · 01/07/2008 14:07

It's really been worrying me what to do for the best. I really don't want him to be the odd one out.

I remember my first 'talk' was at school when we were, wait for it, 18! Talk about locking the stable door after the horse had bolted...

OP posts:
tassisssss · 01/07/2008 14:09

I can totally understand where you're coming from.

I'd want to know exactly what they were telling them, mostly because I'd prefer to be the one who told him first!

hana · 01/07/2008 14:09

I'd ask if you can speak to the teacher -am sure she'd be more than happy to sit down with you and have a look at resources/videos/ etc etc to set your mind at ease. Every year we get a few worried parents coming in prior to lessons on this and they mostly go away whistling

hana · 01/07/2008 14:09

I'd ask if you can speak to the teacher -am sure she'd be more than happy to sit down with you and have a look at resources/videos/ etc etc to set your mind at ease. Every year we get a few worried parents coming in prior to lessons on this and they mostly go away whistling

hana · 01/07/2008 14:09

I'd ask if you can speak to the teacher -am sure she'd be more than happy to sit down with you and have a look at resources/videos/ etc etc to set your mind at ease. Every year we get a few worried parents coming in prior to lessons on this and they mostly go away whistling

titchy · 01/07/2008 14:10

Then talk to him about it NOW! If he doesn't know anything, and doesn't go to these classes he will eb the odd one out!

Hoonette · 01/07/2008 14:10

I can still remember my disbelief now when I was told, by a girl in the playground, how babies come out. Think I was about 5 or 6 at the time and I argued for ages that they obviously came out of women's belly buttons.

I reckon children talk about these things long before teachers get around to the hard facts!

AMumInScotland · 01/07/2008 14:10

I'm sure the teacher will approach the subject in a way which is suitable to the whole age-range of the class - I agree with Custardo's suggestion of asking the school what id going to be covered and in what way. You'll probably be quite reassured by what they say.

Understanding what happens to bodies at puberty etc does not make them precocious, they are still children once they know about these things. And I'd say it's far better to learn ahead of time rather than be shocked when things start to change, whether it's them or the others in the class who are changing first.

I'd also suggest getting a suitable book (Let's Talk About Sex is a good one for this age) and looking through it with him over the summer so that he has some idea before the classes. That one goes through things like emotions and puberty as well as "sex".

Original poster
fircone · 01/07/2008 14:11

I asked a teacher what the lessons included, and babies, periods, etc, fine.

I guess I was less thrilled about the discussion of masturbation.

OP posts:
dustystar · 01/07/2008 14:12

My dd is 9 and had her first sex ed lesson last week. She was most unimpressed. She spoke to my mum and said "I had sex at school today Grandma" my Mum replied "Oh yes - was it your first time?" DD answered in a disgusted voice "yes and it will be my last. I don't know why on earth anyone would want to do that" My Mum was most amused

Anna8888 · 01/07/2008 14:12

My daughter is 3.7 and she knows exactly where babies come out... and has done forever . I have told her the story of how she came out and I said hello but she didn't say hello, she just helped herself to a snack (breast) straight away - and then we had a cuddle - she loves that story.

MaryAnnSingleton · 01/07/2008 14:12

do they not let you see the film that they usually show the children first, if you want to see it ? I think you'll find it's not really very graphic or explicit but rather a gentle explanation of facts,nothing shocking or corrupting of childhood innocence,from what I've seen

Anna8888 · 01/07/2008 14:13

fircone - my niece (who is 4.2) whips her knickers off and masturbates when she feels upset. Has done for ages. Doesn't your DS touch himself at all?

GordontheGopher · 01/07/2008 14:13

I taught sex ed at Primary at it's very basic - lots about puberty and relationships... very little about the ins and outs of it. I had to show a very dated 80's video that featured a woman in lycra sitting on a very large follicle. Most amusing. There was a question and answer session at the end (this is Year 6) and some of the questions were hilarious, but all very innocent. Please don't deny him this important area of learning.

AMumInScotland · 01/07/2008 14:15

I would imagine that the discussion of masturbation will be along the lines of "it's ok, but keep it private" rather than anything too detailed. There are still plenty of stories about it making you go blind or get hairy hands, and if they're sharing those pieces of wisdom in the playground that will do him more harm.

Lauriefairycake · 01/07/2008 14:16

sex and bodily functions are a natural part of life like sneezing and you could have been talking to him about it in an age-appropriate way since he was very small

the school will only be talking about what they need to know and also in an age appropriate way. My foster child is in year 5 and could probably get pregnant now. Sounds like he is in year 5 too?

the youngest child to get pregnant in UK was 10 (to an 11 year old boy) so he needs to know some stuff (like how to keep his penis for himself to play with)

fluffyanimal · 01/07/2008 14:16

You reckon he never plays with his willy? Isn't it better that he understands what happens when he touches it, and why it changes sometimes, and that it is all perfectly normal and not naughty or dirty?

There are plenty of threads on here about very little boys exploring themselves. It's nothing to worry about.

Original poster
fircone · 01/07/2008 14:17

I expect I'll just let him see it.

Anna8888, you sound like you live in some free love commune. No public masturbating here.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 01/07/2008 14:19

No, in stuffy, bourgeois Paris . But that doesn't preclude children from being allowed to explore their bodies in the privacy of their own home.