Page 8 | Is DH being unfair after I put DD back in nappies due to stomach bug?

OneLilacReader · 2026-10-11T21:14:24+00:00

DD is 3 years 7 months and potty trained a few weeks ago (a bit late I know but she was just a bit slow to get it!). Today she’s been ill with a stomach bug that I think she’s picked up from nursery. She still wears nappies at night, and after an accident in her night nappy this morning before we got ready for the day I decided it would be best if we put her back in them just to cover any accidents. Fast forward to this evening and I’m glad we did because she didn’t make it to the toilet at all today. DH has just had a go at me saying that that was my fault and I’m undoing all our hard work training her. AIBU to to think he’s being completely unnecessary, and a couple of days aren’t going to set her back at all?

TwisterSpice · Yesterday 11:09

OneLilacReader · Yesterday 10:28

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with choosing the easy route from time to time. We’re all super busy as parents and as long as our decisions aren’t affecting our children or anyone else (which in this case DD doesn’t care if she’s wet at all so is clearly not uncomfortable) then who cares!

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This is unbelievable? The easy route is giving in to a later bedtime from time to time, letting them wear wellies with their princess dress or mismatched socks. It is NOT knowingly leaving them in a nappy soaked in urine that they’ve had on for 10-12 hours overnight because you can’t be bothered to take it off right away! Doesn’t matter if she doesn’t care, how can you knowingly let her sit in that?

Christ, I thought the nappies for a stomach bug was bad. You’ve got bigger problems!

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OneLilacReader · Yesterday 11:14

LoveWine123 · Yesterday 10:32

But then why are you even asking?

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Because I wanted to see where people stood - and I’ve had some mixed responses which I always expected as different people react differently

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OneLilacReader · Yesterday 11:15

SomersetCider · Yesterday 10:36

I’d been told this by many people, so just assumed there was nothing I could do about my child being wet at night so I just kept him in pull ups. Turns out plenty of children can be night trained, it took about a fortnight until his brain got used to the idea that he couldn’t just wee in bed any more. Before, we’d given up after 2-3 wet nights thinking ‘ah, he’s obviously not ready as he’s wet.’ We assumed it was just hormonal until we realised that he was weeing in his pull-up before actually falling asleep and again after waking up in the morning instead of bothering to get up and use the loo, at which point I started worrying that he was building up a strong association with bed being somewhere that you do a wee.

Which he absolutely was, the first couple of nights he actually wet the bed before going to sleep because he was just so used to being able to wee in bed without going to the toilet, despite having been fully trained in the daytime for a couple of years. Two weeks in and he suddenly ‘got it’ and has been almost 100% dry ever since. The process was definitely messy and inconvenient (reusable incontinence bed pads were a game changer because you just whip the pad off and replace it with a fresh one, literally a 60-second process in the middle of the night) but worth it in the end.

It’s totally on me for taking what other people told me as gospel, but I do think it’s worth having a go at night training. Absolutely there are some kids for whom it is hormonal, but you won’t know whether that’s the case for your DC unless you give it a go.

With the return to nappies with a tummy bug, I think ultimately your DH is right, but I can understand why you did it!

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Thank you! I will definitely think about giving it a go once we’ve shifted this tummy bug!

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OneLilacReader · Yesterday 11:16

Owl55 · Yesterday 10:50

Is he the one doing the cleaning up????

He does do his fair share. He’s changed a few in the past 24hrs and even said to me this morning that he probably would’ve done the same eventually after a few accidents

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OneLilacReader · Yesterday 11:17

JayJayj · Yesterday 11:02

But easy route is affecting your daughter, I am guessing it’s lazy parenting as to why it’s taken so long.

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This is completely unnecessary. It doesn’t matter why she’s taken longer than some, she’s trained now and not at school yet so what does it matter?

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EmeraldShamrock000 · Yesterday 11:19

Leaving a child in a wet nappy for a long time is very bad. I am surprised that she has not been suffering with severe nappy rash, aka urine soaking into her skin.
I understand that parents are busy these days working, it is not a good excuse for this kind of behaviour.
Try sitting in wet underwear that you’ve urinated in for an hour.

Greengage1983 · Yesterday 11:21

It's not ideal, what with it being so close to her being potty trained, but if she's got diarrhoea so bad that she can't make it to the toilet, then nappies can be absolutely necessary!
Once when my DD was 5 (potty trained for +3years at that point) she had diarrhoea to the point where it was just flowing out like a tap and she didn't even realise it was happening. We ran to the shop and bought the largest nappy size they had, which she wore for 3 days. She was ill! It wasn't normal toileting issues! And it sounds like it's the same for you here. If an adult had diarrhoea that bad, they'd probably just stay sat on the toilet all day. YANBU at all. You don't want to be washing diarrhoea out of your furniture and carpets several times a day.

JayJayj · Yesterday 11:22

OneLilacReader · Yesterday 11:17

This is completely unnecessary. It doesn’t matter why she’s taken longer than some, she’s trained now and not at school yet so what does it matter?

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Because there is a difference between additional needs causing a delay and a “I can’t be bothered to take my child to the toilet when they first wake up” which is clearly what you do. You literally said you changer her AFTER breakfast. So yes, it’s completely lazy. Not just you, your husband should have also been doing this. But at least he doesn’t want to go backwards.

Babayagahaha · Yesterday 11:24

OneLilacReader · Yesterday 11:17

This is completely unnecessary. It doesn’t matter why she’s taken longer than some, she’s trained now and not at school yet so what does it matter?

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It matters if it's part of a wider picture of other delays. It matters if it's because of a sensory issue. It matters if it's because you couldn't really be bothered (my suspicion based on the morning nappy situation).

ForEdgyHare · Yesterday 11:29

When dd was a similar age she had a tummy bug. For a couple of days she wore a pull up because she was hysterical when she had a poop accident on the kitchen floor 🙈 It didn’t affect her going to the toilet, she still asked for a wee. Can confirm that 10 years later she is a v competent toilet user 🤣 even when she has a bug. I don’t think you are BU. But if your dd has been difficult to get to toilet train I can see why dh is annoyed. In our case I was a sahm and dealing with all the fluids, was also poorly and needed to take the path of least destruction

Wynter25 · Yesterday 11:35

50Balesofgrey · 11/10/2026 23:06

It's a big deal to go back to nappies, especially when training so late.

Its not that late. My son was trained at 4 when he was ready.

babyproblems · Yesterday 11:36

I think once she’s out of nappies you definitely should not have put her back in….madness tbh. Would you wear a nappy when you have a stomach bug??? Once she’s is out of nappies, she’s no different to you and should be treated as such

Jimmyjumpy · Yesterday 11:37

Who actually did the training here? Bet it was you. Let him deal with soiled knickers.

babyproblems · Yesterday 11:38

Also 3-4 years old most definitely is late to toilet train. It’s damaging to our ideas of parenting to attempt to normalise this late toilet training trend. In some European countries children are at school by this point and the normal range for toilet training is 2-2.5. Beyond that is considered late.

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OneLilacReader · Yesterday 11:43

Jimmyjumpy · Yesterday 11:37

Who actually did the training here? Bet it was you. Let him deal with soiled knickers.

It was a joint effort but I get your point!

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OneLilacReader · Yesterday 11:43

babyproblems · Yesterday 11:38

Also 3-4 years old most definitely is late to toilet train. It’s damaging to our ideas of parenting to attempt to normalise this late toilet training trend. In some European countries children are at school by this point and the normal range for toilet training is 2-2.5. Beyond that is considered late.

Why does it matter if she’s trained now?

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Whattodo1610 · Yesterday 11:46

Out of interest, what will you do in 6 months, 1 year, when she’s 5/6 and gets a tummy bug?

You’ll get mixed responses, probably due to the mixed ideas of when children should be toilet trained. Nowadays parents are leaving it much later to toilet train children, which is why so many start school still in nappies. Also why the government has rolled out a ‘potty training scheme’ 🙄

Personally, I find it ridiculous in this day and age how late children are meeting milestones like this, and I do think it’s mostly down to lazy parenting 🤷‍♀️

PassMeTheCookies · Yesterday 11:48

I’m with you, OP. DD (3.5) has been potty trained for a year now, and we had this exact instance recently, where she was soiling her underwear as she wasn’t able to get to the toilet quickly enough, so we opted to put a nappy on her. We also still put a nappy on her for long car journeys (1hr+), and it hasn’t undone her progress in any way - we’ve been doing this since she toilet trained and as soon as we get to our destination, she removes the nappy herself. She is excellent at toileting independently, and knows exactly why/when we might use a nappy. I think a nappy during times of illness is fine, personally.

FatMrsHoot · Yesterday 13:10

I had similar set backs a couple of times when I was potty training my DS. Yes, it set him back a little bit, but saved him the humiliation and upset of being covered in shit/leaving a trail of poo to the bathroom.

He's been potty trained for ~7 months now is absolutely fine. It's not an all or nothing journey.

I hope your DD gets better soon.

Original poster

OneLilacReader · Yesterday 13:38

EmeraldShamrock000 · Yesterday 11:19

Leaving a child in a wet nappy for a long time is very bad. I am surprised that she has not been suffering with severe nappy rash, aka urine soaking into her skin.
I understand that parents are busy these days working, it is not a good excuse for this kind of behaviour.
Try sitting in wet underwear that you’ve urinated in for an hour.

I get your point but a nappy is a bit different. It’s specifically designed to keep her feeling dry

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OneLilacReader · Yesterday 13:42

Whattodo1610 · Yesterday 11:46

Out of interest, what will you do in 6 months, 1 year, when she’s 5/6 and gets a tummy bug?

You’ll get mixed responses, probably due to the mixed ideas of when children should be toilet trained. Nowadays parents are leaving it much later to toilet train children, which is why so many start school still in nappies. Also why the government has rolled out a ‘potty training scheme’ 🙄

Personally, I find it ridiculous in this day and age how late children are meeting milestones like this, and I do think it’s mostly down to lazy parenting 🤷‍♀️

Well it depends. By then hopefully she’ll have much more awareness of her body and be able to control it a bit more. If she’s still wearing at night I may be tempted to pop one on her, it just depends on the situation really. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t think it would benefit her though and stop the possibility of any leaks etc.

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PingPong91 · Yesterday 13:58

Why do people keep asking if OP would wear a nappy herself if she had a stomach bug when 1) adults have significantly greater control over their bladder and bowels than a 3yo, as well as vastly more experience in recognising and interpreting urgency signals for toileting, so it's not a remotely relevant comparison, and 2) adult incontinence pants exist for situations where adults might not reliably be able to make it to the toilet before having a bowel movement, much like a child with a stomach upset, so truly what point are you even trying to make?!

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OneLilacReader · Yesterday 14:03

PingPong91 · Yesterday 13:58

Why do people keep asking if OP would wear a nappy herself if she had a stomach bug when 1) adults have significantly greater control over their bladder and bowels than a 3yo, as well as vastly more experience in recognising and interpreting urgency signals for toileting, so it's not a remotely relevant comparison, and 2) adult incontinence pants exist for situations where adults might not reliably be able to make it to the toilet before having a bowel movement, much like a child with a stomach upset, so truly what point are you even trying to make?!

Thank you! I was wondering the same thing x

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Greengage1983 · Yesterday 14:09

Whattodo1610 · Yesterday 11:46

Out of interest, what will you do in 6 months, 1 year, when she’s 5/6 and gets a tummy bug?

You’ll get mixed responses, probably due to the mixed ideas of when children should be toilet trained. Nowadays parents are leaving it much later to toilet train children, which is why so many start school still in nappies. Also why the government has rolled out a ‘potty training scheme’ 🙄

Personally, I find it ridiculous in this day and age how late children are meeting milestones like this, and I do think it’s mostly down to lazy parenting 🤷‍♀️

I put my then 5 yo in nappies for a couple of days when she had diarrhoea so bad that it was just flowing without her noticing. She found it humiliating to poo herself everywhere with no control, and was relieved to have something to stop the accidents. The one occasion I have had diarrhoea that bad as an adult, I did not leave the house at all, and spent most of the day sat on the toilet, and also used sanitary towels to protect my clothes and furnishings.

PassMeTheCookies · Yesterday 14:18

Whattodo1610 · Yesterday 11:46

Out of interest, what will you do in 6 months, 1 year, when she’s 5/6 and gets a tummy bug?

You’ll get mixed responses, probably due to the mixed ideas of when children should be toilet trained. Nowadays parents are leaving it much later to toilet train children, which is why so many start school still in nappies. Also why the government has rolled out a ‘potty training scheme’ 🙄

Personally, I find it ridiculous in this day and age how late children are meeting milestones like this, and I do think it’s mostly down to lazy parenting 🤷‍♀️

My son had explosive diarrhoea for a week, and was incredibly unwell with it at age 5. He would sneeze and poo would dribble out. He was soiling himself in his sleep, he was so unwell. We absolutely did buy large pull ups for him, rather than be faced with faeces on the bed/sofa/carpet on his run to the toilet. It’s an utterly miserable time when your kids are unwell, and if you can save yourself from scrubbing faeces out of your carpet during that time, I’m all for it.

He’d been toilet trained for 2.5 years at that point. He didn’t regress. He would still run for the bathroom when the urge came, it just meant he was safe if he didn’t make it there in time.