Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH being unfair after I put DD back in nappies due to stomach bug?

248 replies

OneLilacReader · 11/10/2026 22:14

DD is 3 years 7 months and potty trained a few weeks ago (a bit late I know but she was just a bit slow to get it!). Today she’s been ill with a stomach bug that I think she’s picked up from nursery. She still wears nappies at night, and after an accident in her night nappy this morning before we got ready for the day I decided it would be best if we put her back in them just to cover any accidents.

Fast forward to this evening and I’m glad we did because she didn’t make it to the toilet at all today. DH has just had a go at me saying that that was my fault and I’m undoing all our hard work training her. AIBU to to think he’s being completely unnecessary, and a couple of days aren’t going to set her back at all?

OP posts:
Busybeemumm · Yesterday 07:35

OneLilacReader · 11/10/2026 22:51

I changed her every time she pooed pretty much as soon as she’s done it. She must have wee’d in between then I think

Show quote history

She must have wee’d in between then I think

This suggests she has regressed already.

Bitsostuff · Yesterday 07:38

I think it was likely a mistake as you are now getting a wee regression- but its easy to say that in hindsight. I suggest you go back to pants today and just stay very close to the loo.

FckThisShit · Yesterday 07:51

My DD is 12. She had stomach bugs a few times after potty training, I always put her back in nappies for a day or two, once she had noro at 4, she was in nappies then too. It never caused any regression and she always took to the toilet again immediately. Sometimes it's the lesser of evils, sometimes it's the kinder thing to do when the child is really sick.

SomeOtherUser · Yesterday 08:04

We had this situation with our oldest (she was younger but I think it's irrelevant) and I did the same as you and put her back in nappies for a couple of days. I agonised over the decision at the time, but looking back, it was the right choice. Cut yourselves and her some slack! Even adults would benefit from nappies when in the throes of a tummy bug. 😂

Tortephant · Yesterday 08:04

OneLilacReader · 11/10/2026 22:50

I always changed her as soon as she needed it, and surely it’s not different than her going in her pants (apart from less washing and less of a chance of any leaks)

Show quote history

Too late. You needed to be ahead of it to help her understand.
You allowed her to not bother because for one day it was easier for you.

You need to be proactive OP not reactive.
wake up - “try”, about to read a book “try”, finish reading a book “try”. Before food “try”, after food “try”……

Mamabear487 · Yesterday 08:07

I agree with your DH. You were totally unreasonable and it was 100% set her back.

Original poster
OneLilacReader · Yesterday 08:11

Busybeemumm · Yesterday 00:11

She might well however be starting school still wearing nappies!
3 years and 7 months and only trained a few weeks ago is not great parenting unless she has additional needs.
At first sight of illness she is straight back into nappies. Sorry OP, your DH is right on this one. He should however be also cleaning pants/ cleaning floors etc too.

Show quote history

We’ve got nearly a year until school so I’m sure she’ll be fine!

and DH does his fair share don’t worry. We split things pretty evenly like with changing for example it’s just whoever notices she needs it

OP posts:
Original poster
OneLilacReader · Yesterday 08:11

Mamabear487 · Yesterday 08:07

I agree with your DH. You were totally unreasonable and it was 100% set her back.

You don’t know this at all. How can you say that?

OP posts:
Goingncforthisone · Yesterday 08:15

It feels like you're asking opinions and dismissing the ones you don't agree with here.

The majority is saying you've done the wrong thing in terms of progress. Once you're out of nappies in the day you don't go back.

DeftGoldHedgehog · Yesterday 08:17

It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, OP whether she is fully potty trained or gets it a few weeks later. If she'd been fully out of nappies for a year then my answer would have been different, but a few weeks is neither here nor there. DD2 was potty trained for wee at just turned three but took a few more weeks for poo as she was scared to poo on the toilet. Reading amusing toddler books about it together really helped to take the fear away. DD1 was 2.5 for wee/poo in the daytime but wasn't dry overnight until three. They are all different.

Original poster
OneLilacReader · Yesterday 08:19

HettyTagliatelli · Yesterday 04:06

Obviously it’s different as she wouldn’t have been weeing in her pants in between bouts of diarrhoea. That she did proves your DHs point that using nappies was a step backwards.

Edited
Show quote history

I think she was just weak, tired, and probably feeling a bit lazy. I’ve spoken to her about it and she said she’ll tell me when she needs to go going forward.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneLilacReader · Yesterday 08:21

IDontDrinkTea · Yesterday 04:13

I totally agree with DH here.

You didn’t even wait for her to try during the day before keeping her in a nappy - she had an accident overnight when it sounds like she’s not toilet trained at night anyway.

Or are you saying you’d left her in her night nappy for a while once awake anyway? In which case, you’re also very unreasonable and it’s no wonder it’s taken so long to toilet train her - that should be removed literally as soon as you’re getting her out of bed in the mornings

I normally change her after breakfast that’s why. But yes I recognise I probably should get it off her as soon as she wakes up!

OP posts:
Original poster
OneLilacReader · Yesterday 08:22

StopGo · Yesterday 05:08

Truthfully how much of the toilet training did he actually do and how involved in cleaning up the accidents has he been?

He did his fair share of both x

OP posts:
Patriciastaser · Yesterday 08:22

I'd've done the same as you, OP. Yes, it may have set her back a bit, but she'll soon catch up.

Original poster
OneLilacReader · Yesterday 08:24

MommaMia26 · Yesterday 06:55

If it makes you feel any better I just had to do this with my 2.5 year old (she’s only been potty trained for a couple of months). We did use pull ups so she still went to the toilet as usual but it made cleaning up a lot easier if she didn’t quite make it in time because she had an upset tummy.
It doesn’t seem to have confused her and as soon as she felt better she went back to wearing knickers and being completely fine with no accidents or resistance (she understood that the nappies are just for nights and when her tummy is sick).

She still tried to go to the toilet and I obviously changed her immediately if she had an accident (just like I would have done if it had been in her pants). But it saved me the clean up and meant she wasn’t as distressed as she would have been if she’d made a mess.

I’d highly recommend pull ups in future because it allows them to still be independent with toileting but just saves some of the mess.

Thank you x

I probably should have have used pull ups if anything, but the nappies were all we had at home as she wears them overnight

OP posts:
Original poster
OneLilacReader · Yesterday 08:26

Astrabees · Yesterday 07:07

Surely, given the age she is, you can have a sensible conversation with her about this? When my sons were toddlers not being out of nappies by 3 was late. Our nursery was attached to a school and they would not take 3 year olds who needed nappies, meaning you had to get training done in good time to be sure they were ready.

I did have a conversation with her but that doesn’t make her any more likely to be able to get to the toilet in time if the feeling only comes last minute and is urgent!

OP posts:
Original poster
OneLilacReader · Yesterday 08:27

ParrotPeach · Yesterday 07:15

I'm with DH. You should have at least started the day in underwear and seen how it went. I still wouldn't have put her back in nappies even if it went badly, but I can understand why some might.

We've used nappies as a backup on our toilet trained 4 year old when he can't access a toilet for long periods (the start and end of flights, basically). He still absolutely avoids using the nappy to the point of getting upset if he has to. A fully trained child sees nappies that way, not as a convenient option. Your daughter clearly didn't understand/care about this, as you've said she did a wee in it and that isn't stomach bug related. So there's no reason to assume she was trying to make it to the toilet for a poo either. I definitely think that shows a real risk of setting back her training.

Edited

She’s been making it to the toilet successfully for wee and poo for weeks. but yes she may have been lazy as she knew she had her night nappy on I’m not sure. Either way, she’s usually trained when in knickers

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · Yesterday 08:28

I put nappies on mine in that situation OP amd it wasn't a problem going back into pants after the sickness.

Original poster
OneLilacReader · Yesterday 08:28

oddsbobshammerandtongs · Yesterday 07:20

1 in 4 aren’t potty trained when they start school now, it’s shocking. My ds1 learned at just turned 3 but got it quickly then. Ds2 just turned 2 and I’m expecting the same. It’s crazy how reception teachers will have 5 or 6 children still in nappies/pull ups in each class

Show quote history

We’ve got nearly a year until school!

OP posts:
DeftGoldHedgehog · Yesterday 08:29

I think the only mistake you made, OP @OneLilacReader is asking Mumsnet for parenting advice, particularly AIBU. Trust your instincts. I would no more ask some people who post on AIBU for advice than I would write my issue on a sandwich board and walk up and down asking strangers in the street to comment on it.

Original poster
OneLilacReader · Yesterday 08:30

Goingncforthisone · Yesterday 08:15

It feels like you're asking opinions and dismissing the ones you don't agree with here.

The majority is saying you've done the wrong thing in terms of progress. Once you're out of nappies in the day you don't go back.

I’m not dismissing I’m just providing another viewpoint and/or further details about the situation, as people are so quick to judge

OP posts:
Wewinnow · Yesterday 08:31

Ohthatsabitshit · 11/10/2026 22:19

Do you wear nappies when you have an upset stomach? If not then don’t make your child do so.

This

Original poster
OneLilacReader · Yesterday 08:32

Wewinnow · Yesterday 08:31

This

Show quote history

Apart from I’ve had years of experience learning the feelings and needs of my body…

OP posts:
Busybeemumm · Yesterday 08:33

OneLilacReader · Yesterday 08:11

We’ve got nearly a year until school so I’m sure she’ll be fine!

and DH does his fair share don’t worry. We split things pretty evenly like with changing for example it’s just whoever notices she needs it

Show quote history

Its not only about school, it's doing the right thing for your DD. The right thing is that children should be potty trained between 2-2.5 as that is when they are developmentally ready.

Maybe have a chat with your health visitor or nursery teacher about this although too late for your DD now. There may be other things she is developmentally ready for but you might not be aware. I'm sure you want her to start school ahead or at least on par with her peers.

Pinkflamingo1513 · Yesterday 08:34

Such dramatic replies from clearly perfect parents. You haven’t failed her or done her a disservice, you done what you thought was best. I have done the exact same as you when my son was unwell, he went back to wearing underpants and using the toilet completely fine afterwards. What is more distressing? Them using a nappy for a day or so or having diarrhea in their underwear whilst not making it to the toilet?

Swipe left for the next trending thread