Is DH being unfair after I put DD back in nappies due to stomach bug?

[OneLilacReader]

DD is 3 years 7 months and potty trained a few weeks ago (a bit late I know but she was just a bit slow to get it!). Today she’s been ill with a stomach bug that I think she’s picked up from nursery. She still wears nappies at night, and after an accident in her night nappy this morning before we got ready for the day I decided it would be best if we put her back in them just to cover any accidents.

Fast forward to this evening and I’m glad we did because she didn’t make it to the toilet at all today. DH has just had a go at me saying that that was my fault and I’m undoing all our hard work training her. AIBU to to think he’s being completely unnecessary, and a couple of days aren’t going to set her back at all?

But you didn't use a nappy.

You can get incontinence pads or adult nappies-you may want to use if it happens again.

I completely disagree with the majority of comments.

Of course it's ok to put a 3 year old in nappies while they have a tummy bug! I would not hesitate put both my 5 and 7 year old in a nappy if they were ill and clearly weren't able to get to the toilet in time. They'd be more upset at soiling themselves than wearing a temporary nappy solution. It will be 1-2 days max, and DD can get straight back on track after, you just explain it's because of her poorly tummy.
Completely illogical not to in my opinion. It's not lazy at all. Sensible!! Even if she regresses a bit, so what? Most PP would clearly rather their children soil themselves and clean up shit and risk catching a bug.

My 7 year old has phases of wetting the bed. It can be every night for periods of time, and when DH is away I put her in night nappies because it's too much for me changing and washing the bedding every single night (I work full time and have a younger child too). She's fine with it and hasn't regressed to wetting the bed every night. It just lessens her embarrassment and helps her manage it. It also means she isn't itchy from laying in wet sheets all night, as she doesn't wake up when she wets.

I must just be really lazy too though, right?

I mean yes but I recognise I probably should take it off. I think it’s just something I used to do when she was in them all day as she’d usually do her morning wee sometime between waking and getting ready for the day.

If her nursery is attached to a school, I'm surprised they haven't been on you to train her sooner.

Sometimes however it's also easier for nursery staff to change nappies than deal with accidents and that contributes to the delay.

My DS at that age would have noticed that all his friends were going to the toilet and would have wanted to go as well.

I would think, with her being quite old for potty training, that supporting that is probably the most important thing. I wouldn't be putting a dc who's heading towards 4 back in nappies for any reason really.

They're not daft, kids. They understand more than they let on. By 3 they know that they can piss in a nappy and it'll be fine but they can't in pants. They won't even try to "make it to the toilet" if they're wearing a nappy because they know they're wearing a nappy.

There’s a difference between night time pull ups for bed wetting purposes and putting a nappy on a 7 year old during the day with a stomach bug. If you do the latter, yes you are lazy too.

HTH.

I'd keep her in underwear and leggings, but bag up all the soiled ones and give them to your husband to steep and sort out at the end of the day.

Really explosive 'accidents' can damage sofas and mattresses too, so ask him to sort out covers for these.

It's all very well for people who are out of the house all day to tell you what to do but I'm sure he'd soon get fed up with it, and dealing with dirty clothes is going to increase your chances of catching the bug. Hope she recovers soon, but it can drag on long after the sickness stops.

I agree with what you did. My little one is 4 and potty trained but had a stomach bug a few weeks ago. I put a pull up on her, she was still going to the toilet to pee and it was really just used to catch any loose stool accidents, which it thankfully did. Once the stomach bug was over, she was straight back to pants with no issues.

And ultimately what difference does it make if that was the case?

The kid hasn't started school so it's no skin off anyone else's nose.

My kids are all adults now, but I can assure you the one that didn't reliably potty train till quite late is just as competent at going to the toilet as the one that got the hang really quickly.

Why does it bother anyone else whether this parent 'was the problem with potty training all along'?
She's been potty training her 3 Yr old and a stomach upset has put it back a bit. It's still happening. She will not be in nappies forever.

I used to put my children in pull ups for long car journeys for quite a while after they were toilet trained. It never affected them. As soon as we got wherever we were going they were back in pants, no accidents.
Even if it does set her back she'll get the hang of it again. My DDs used to get very upset about accidents (no idea why as we never told them off) which was why I decided it was easier to use pull ups if there wasn't a toilet available.
They are 20; and 18;now. Using pull-ups on occasions hasn't affected them long term.

I’m not incontinent, why would I need pads? it was a one off bout of food poisoning, sounds like you’ve never had it but it’s not uncommon to lose control in severe cases - hope you don’t experience that 🤣 and I DID put my daughter in nappies when she had a stomach bug

Yeah putting a nappy on a 7 year old is the height of laziness

Just sounds lazy and what is easiest for you.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with choosing the easy route from time to time. We’re all super busy as parents and as long as our decisions aren’t affecting our children or anyone else (which in this case DD doesn’t care if she’s wet at all so is clearly not uncomfortable) then who cares!

It clearly makes a difference to OP’s DH. If it didn’t make a difference to anyone, then she won’t be on here asking a bunch of strangers who is in the wrong. It’s no skin off my back but she asked for opinions and she got them.

But then why are you even asking?

This

People are being pretty judgemental about think do whatever works for you and her. It's only you and her that will have to deal with re-training if you need to and of she isn't at school for a while you've got plenty of time.
For what it's worth, my 3.5 year old boy is recently toilet trained, and has bad constipation at times with overflow. We put him in pull-ups when this happens, it makes it a lot easier and cleaner. He is still great at using the toilet, but he shits his pants or nappy pants either way if he is having stomach troubles- I would rather not have to throw away loads of pairs of pants or wash loads of poo out them when things aren't going well for him. I suspect the case is similar for you too.

Don't sweat it, do your thing.

I feel like I would have panicked about this more with my first, but with my second I'm just going with the flow, so to speak 😆

I’d been told this by many people, so just assumed there was nothing I could do about my child being wet at night so I just kept him in pull ups. Turns out plenty of children can be night trained, it took about a fortnight until his brain got used to the idea that he couldn’t just wee in bed any more. Before, we’d given up after 2-3 wet nights thinking ‘ah, he’s obviously not ready as he’s wet.’ We assumed it was just hormonal until we realised that he was weeing in his pull-up before actually falling asleep and again after waking up in the morning instead of bothering to get up and use the loo, at which point I started worrying that he was building up a strong association with bed being somewhere that you do a wee.

Which he absolutely was, the first couple of nights he actually wet the bed before going to sleep because he was just so used to being able to wee in bed without going to the toilet, despite having been fully trained in the daytime for a couple of years. Two weeks in and he suddenly ‘got it’ and has been almost 100% dry ever since. The process was definitely messy and inconvenient (reusable incontinence bed pads were a game changer because you just whip the pad off and replace it with a fresh one, literally a 60-second process in the middle of the night) but worth it in the end.

It’s totally on me for taking what other people told me as gospel, but I do think it’s worth having a go at night training. Absolutely there are some kids for whom it is hormonal, but you won’t know whether that’s the case for your DC unless you give it a go.

With the return to nappies with a tummy bug, I think ultimately your DH is right, but I can understand why you did it!

Of course she won’t regress. How ridiculous. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Your DH and others on here are talking out of their shitty arses.

Is he the one doing the cleaning up????

I’ve done the same and it did not set them back. As soon as they were well, nappies were gone again.

But easy route is affecting your daughter, I am guessing it’s lazy parenting as to why it’s taken so long.

I think there was a compromise here a pull up over knickers maybe just to catch any calamity but to give toileting a decent chance.

Going back to nappies was a pretty high risk strategy and I agree with your DH.