Is DH being unfair after I put DD back in nappies due to stomach bug?

[OneLilacReader]

DD is 3 years 7 months and potty trained a few weeks ago (a bit late I know but she was just a bit slow to get it!). Today she’s been ill with a stomach bug that I think she’s picked up from nursery. She still wears nappies at night, and after an accident in her night nappy this morning before we got ready for the day I decided it would be best if we put her back in them just to cover any accidents.

Fast forward to this evening and I’m glad we did because she didn’t make it to the toilet at all today. DH has just had a go at me saying that that was my fault and I’m undoing all our hard work training her. AIBU to to think he’s being completely unnecessary, and a couple of days aren’t going to set her back at all?

I think you are coping a pretty hard response on here. My son broke his leg at 3.5. I put him back in nappies. It was too hard to get him to the toilet effectively and after the plaster came off he went back into underwear. We all make decisions about parenting to what we can make work at the time. I know my kids were sookie when sick so they wouldn’t have liked several clean ups throughout the day when sick.

Toilet training relates to maturity and hormones, muscle control etc. she isn’t going to regress in all those areas in a week.

Because she is soo late to potty training I would not put one back on. She will get lazy and just wee in it.
She knows at this age when she needs the toilet.

Night time is different, that can be hormonal, but during the day, absolutely not.

Probably confusing for little one to be potty trained and then back to nappy. Try and stick it out and keep a potty beside her…surely that’s not so hard?

I’m team DH. Do you wear nappies if you suffer diarrhoea and unsure if you can make it to the loo? Once you are out of nappies, you don’t go back.

Meh, we did this. Do this still and my kids 5 😂 I can imagine the conniption fit that's caused someone reading this. My DD was about 3 when she toilet trained, so late according to MN too. Is still in pull-ups overnight and the reason she goes into pull up when she's ill if she's sleeping she will wee. Has had no effect on toilet training.
You've got almost a year to work on any residual backslide should your 'almost reception aged child' Indeed struggle.

He was there helping, OP has said that

If it makes you feel any better I just had to do this with my 2.5 year old (she’s only been potty trained for a couple of months). We did use pull ups so she still went to the toilet as usual but it made cleaning up a lot easier if she didn’t quite make it in time because she had an upset tummy.
It doesn’t seem to have confused her and as soon as she felt better she went back to wearing knickers and being completely fine with no accidents or resistance (she understood that the nappies are just for nights and when her tummy is sick).

She still tried to go to the toilet and I obviously changed her immediately if she had an accident (just like I would have done if it had been in her pants). But it saved me the clean up and meant she wasn’t as distressed as she would have been if she’d made a mess.

I’d highly recommend pull ups in future because it allows them to still be independent with toileting but just saves some of the mess.

You may have been too quick to put her back in the nappies after just one accident, but if there had been more than one I’d have done the same as you.
Totally disagree that briefly going back to nappies for a specific reason will guarantee a set back. We did two flights when my DS had only just potty trained and put him in a pull up just for the flight. He still asked to use the potty whilst wearing the pull up which we were able to do as mid flight and seat belt signs off. No confusion afterwards, and he was only 2y3m, at 3.5 your DD will be able to understand the temporary nature of them.

Hope she’s feeling better soon!

I’ve done exactly that twice, and once used sanitary pads as no access to nappies. It didn’t impact the toilet training process at all and there was no regression.

A couple of days is fine. It really is.

FFS 😂 if this has any impact on her toilet training at all (which is far from a given) it will be for a few days and easily resolved. You're acting like a day or two in nappies while she has uncontrollable diarrhoea means she'll never again be out of them. Total overreaction.

Surely, given the age she is, you can have a sensible conversation with her about this? When my sons were toddlers not being out of nappies by 3 was late. Our nursery was attached to a school and they would not take 3 year olds who needed nappies, meaning you had to get training done in good time to be sure they were ready.

I see his point being so close to potty training especially given how hard it was for her....

but I've always put my preschoolers back in pull ups with stomach bugs, and my children were out of daytime nappies at aged 2 or just before... they just couldn't make it to the loo on time when they were feeling so weak (or TMI they would poo whilst vomiting which isn't pleasant for anyone). It saved so much washing and distress. It didn't undo any potty training here BUT I don't remember any bugs so close to being nappy free here.

We did this when DD1 had Noro. She was shitting while puking and couldn’t control it, the pull-ups we had for night still were a god-send.

We did the same with our little boy when he got the squits not long after potty training. He was so upset to poo in his big boy pants, and we asked him if it would be ok to wear nappies just while he was poorly.

He agreed, and still became potty trained unusually fast for a boy to quote his nursery manager.

I'm with DH. You should have at least started the day in underwear and seen how it went. I still wouldn't have put her back in nappies even if it went badly, but I can understand why some might.

We've used nappies as a backup on our toilet trained 4 year old when he can't access a toilet for long periods (the start and end of flights, basically). He still absolutely avoids using the nappy to the point of getting upset if he has to. A fully trained child sees nappies that way, not as a convenient option. Your daughter clearly didn't understand/care about this, as you've said she did a wee in it and that isn't stomach bug related. So there's no reason to assume she was trying to make it to the toilet for a poo either. I definitely think that shows a real risk of setting back her training.

Same boat here but my dd seems to have this bug nearly every week. I haven't put her back in nappies as I think it will confuse her. Ive thrown out about 20 pairs of pants now though so keep having to buy more. It's endless 😩

I think it’s fine. You may have a few days of accidents when getting her back to routine but it won’t be like starting from scratch.

1 in 4 aren’t potty trained when they start school now, it’s shocking. My ds1 learned at just turned 3 but got it quickly then. Ds2 just turned 2 and I’m expecting the same. It’s crazy how reception teachers will have 5 or 6 children still in nappies/pull ups in each class

She is too old for nappies. Nappies are for babies not children.

has a rare genetic condition causing delays

Well that's exactly why I put in the caveat unless she has additional needs.

I agree with you that not all children are the same; however the vast majority of children starting school in nappies do not have additional needs.

Disposable nappies only became available since the mid 80's and since then toddlers have been getting potty trained later than when terry nappies were used. What does this suggest?!

Don’t stress it, she’ll pick it up again once she’s better. I hope you don’t catch it.

What a waste. Why are you throwing out perfectly good pants?! Just hand scrub them with a bit of fairy liquid or soap (imperial leather was best for this!) and throw them in a wash with all the other pants.

Similar thing happened to us after potty training my daughter aged 2. About a week after to be exact. I considered putting her back into nappies but avoided as yes worried it would be confusing for her. It only lasted a couple of days.

Children that age are getting bugs every other week. Putting her in and out of nappies at the first sign of illness will undo all that hard work of nappy training. Also much harder with an almost 4 year old who will likely have opinions by that age!