Husband forcing his son to hug me causing tension?

[Freezingupnorth]

I’ve been arguing with my husband for loads of different reasons and we’re basically at a crisis point. We’ve never argued in front of his child (boy,6), but he probably senses we’re not as close as we used to be. Me and my husband went to bed without speaking after an argument because I spent the day watching my series in bed because I’ve been feeling anxious and depressed. His little boy was here so he thought this was selfish.

He kept his little boy up until 10 last night even though he knew I was struggling and wanted some support. I sat with them otherwise it would’ve caused tension. I said to him quite calmly I’m happy to do movie nights but can we start them earlier so bedtime isn’t moved so late? He started shouting at me saying I didn’t want to spend time with his son, that he never gets a day off and is exhausted. I said if you’re exhausted why did you make bedtime later? He said cus I wanted to and I will, if you don’t like it, go to ‘your’ room.

This morning I walked into the living room and they were on the couch laying down together watching a film. His little boys not done anything wrong and he’s just a child, so I said a breezy “good morning” to which he responded. Husband then told him to give me a hug, he refused. Husband kept pushing him to do it saying he wasn’t being kind, wasn’t going to finish the film… ffs? He’s 6? I think it’s wrong to make a child hug anyone.

His little boy starts crying. I say to my husband “me being here’s caused an atmosphere, I’m going to my room”

Aibu?

Here’s the thing, he needs you more than you need him, even though I bet he twisted your head enough to believe it’s the other way around. You can make it on your own. Not just that, but your life will be a lot calmer , happier and settled. You’ll be able to actually focus on yourself and heal. You owe it to yourself . You deserve better than this. You are better than this.

Lolz yeah one kid is with her friend for the day and the smaller one is at the park with his dad 🤷‍♀️ don’t always need to do everything together

OP, I think you are the victim of an abusive coercive relationship.
Please talk to your medical team of how he treats you.

You are his skivvy aupair that pays half or more?

You are being used.
Womens aid can help.

You need to get away from this nasty man.
Don't waste your life being used.

I bet your mental health would improve a lot too.

"lying in bed all day is not going to help you feel any less depressed."

Well, it might do. When I'm feeling down, I sometimes just need some rest.

And why can't she stay in bed on the weekend anyway. Care of the child is his father's responsibility.

I am a clinician and generally, no, it’s not great for MH to stay in bed all day watching tv. Obviously we all need a ‘duvet day’ at times, but getting out and having some fresh air hugely benefits mood for many people. There is loads of evidence on the benefits for people struggling with anxiety and depression.

I think you'd be better off without him
Consider if you really wanna be with him and can take on the child as tour own if not
Time for a fresh start

Feels like there is lots going on here. You were not in the wrong to have a bit of time to yourself as long as you communicated this ''I need to rest this morning and then let's get out for an hour or 2 as a family this afternoon". If you were unwell with flu or whatever no one would criticise you needing a bit of rest, mental illness is still illness, even though it's not obvious from the outside.

DH was wrong to make him hug you/threaten him for not hugging you.

But you 2 are the adults, and need to get this sorted one way or another for your stepson.

Time to split up. You may find your mental health improves immensely when you’re out of this awful relationship

We all need a duvet day. You said so yourself. OP had a day. So what exactly is the problem?

OMG you are both dreadful!
If you had any consideration for the poor child at all, take yourself out of this situation and LTB husband.

The boy is a pawn in the middle of your toxic relationship. Neither of you sound adult enough to be parents.

Do both yourself and the child a favour and get rid of him asap. End the relationship.

Divorce this loser and find someone to have your own kids with.

people don’t tend to listen to common sense and destroy their lives

And get some medication for depression to dig yourself out of this depressive hole.

Medication (when it kicks in) will stabilise your mood and give you the will to sort out your departure from this awful relationship.

Don’t wait, speak to your GP on Monday and resolve to get better.

No it isn't a big ask but I am wondering why you are with this man, he sounds dreadful.

You would probably be better off healthwise on your own.

OP is on meds.

You both need to start putting your husbands son first and stop using him as a pawn in your relationship . If you’re both unhappy then one of you needs to leave . If you’re not then make an effort with each other & the poor little boy

She's already heavily medicated. She's clearly very unwell just now.

Using him as a pawn how? Saying that I think he should be in bed by 10 for his sake and also for time as a couple? I’m not sending him to bed at 5 or anything ridiculous. 10 is late.

Any poster who refers to the child of their partner as 'the little boy' or 'the child' says plenty without saying anything. There's been a few making reference like this recently. It's all they need to say.
OP, end the relationship and do everyone a favour.

No. She is very unwell and struggling. She is perfectly entitled to take a day to herself rather than looking after her husband’s son because he doesn’t like doing it himself.

Her needs don’t just disappear because she’s a woman in the vicinity of a child.

Forced hugs are completely wrong.

This is a horrible atmosphere for your son.

Every time I read a post on here, the word “stepson” and “step mum” are criticised. If I’d have written DSS everyone would have piled on saying he has a mum. DSS is my husbands little boy, I don’t understand the issue.

Did you discuss this with your husband and make it clear what your plans were?

Im sorry for your issues. Many posters just respond to the first post and it doesn’t make it clear how ill you are.

OP, step mums (or partners of a man with other kids) ALWAYS get a hard time on here and I've no idea why. Put your post in AIBU and you might as well put out a welcome mat for all the delightful people who can't think of anything nicer than to give someone a good verbal kicking.
Don't bother to argue or justify yourself with them.
Just ignore them and concentrate on the replies from people who have actually bothered to read and understand the situation you are in.
Actually I could say the same about your "d" h. Don't bother arguing or justifying yourself. He isn't interested in how you feel. He is only interested in you being well enough to fund him and look after his kid.
Time to get out.

JFC what have I just read? Can you give her a break?

She's severely mentally ill, it's financially supporting the family and she took one day to rest (as directed by psychiatrist).

Does verbally kicking someone who is so down give you pleasure?

OP you didn’t do anything wrong. Nobody would blame you if you’d been in bed because you were recovering from surgery or had flu. Your husband just doesn’t want to parent so he chose to hurt you in revenge.