Husband forcing his son to hug me causing tension?

[Freezingupnorth]

I’ve been arguing with my husband for loads of different reasons and we’re basically at a crisis point. We’ve never argued in front of his child (boy,6), but he probably senses we’re not as close as we used to be. Me and my husband went to bed without speaking after an argument because I spent the day watching my series in bed because I’ve been feeling anxious and depressed. His little boy was here so he thought this was selfish.

He kept his little boy up until 10 last night even though he knew I was struggling and wanted some support. I sat with them otherwise it would’ve caused tension. I said to him quite calmly I’m happy to do movie nights but can we start them earlier so bedtime isn’t moved so late? He started shouting at me saying I didn’t want to spend time with his son, that he never gets a day off and is exhausted. I said if you’re exhausted why did you make bedtime later? He said cus I wanted to and I will, if you don’t like it, go to ‘your’ room.

This morning I walked into the living room and they were on the couch laying down together watching a film. His little boys not done anything wrong and he’s just a child, so I said a breezy “good morning” to which he responded. Husband then told him to give me a hug, he refused. Husband kept pushing him to do it saying he wasn’t being kind, wasn’t going to finish the film… ffs? He’s 6? I think it’s wrong to make a child hug anyone.

His little boy starts crying. I say to my husband “me being here’s caused an atmosphere, I’m going to my room”

Aibu?

OMG you evil step mother 😂

10 is a horrific time for a 6yo, even on a Saturday! Kids were always in bed by 8/8.30, age 6 never after 9 and as others have said the lying around and screens can’t be helping. If you’ve known him 4 years did you get married after 2? It all sounds really depressing op, I think ye need to talk. And the hugging is ridiculous, he shouldn’t be forcing his child. I feel go you op but can’t help feeling you’d be better on your own in a nice way

She never said she spends all day in bed everyday, she decided to stay in bed THAT DAY and she is getting help.

I have no idea how you've interpreted that to mean she isn't getting help and all she does is lay in bed.

Ignore all the posters piling on. Frankly your MH is your priority and his son is his priority.

I would seriously walk away from this relationship and focus on getting better so he can focus on his son.

The dynamics is not a good one, and not only will it make things worse for you but it's also not for on the boy.

Please tell me you that are at least financially independent from him?

Op, have you always struggled with your mental health or is this something that's only started since you've been with your dh? If it is, then he may be the issue. Having a day on your own when you're struggling as badly as you are, is fine.

You're getting a really hard time here op. You're clearly struggling and need a bit of empathy from your husband, instead he's acting like a twat and bullying you and his 6 year old son in an attempt to make you look bad. I'd look real close at my marriage tbh, I'm guessing this is the tip of the iceberg.

And yet, it’s OP who took DSS out to the park today, not his dad. You were saying?

Stuff like what? The only one causing issues is the dad.

OP’s husband is just tired of either focusing on his son or focusing on OP’s mental health issues. Nonstop. So he snapped.

MH support could be very exhausting, by far physical issues are much more familiar and in a way easier to look after.
I wonder how many posters here will be angelic when their partner was having serious MH issues and needed constant support.

I've been there, for 16 years, however, I've never been a twat to my kids because of it.

Sounds like your partner expected you to look after his child. You don’t need to do this and he’s realised he has to step up. Tough luck to him! You’re not the nanny and want a rest at the weekend.

What does he mean when he says he never gets a day off? He has a week on and a week off parenting so he can't be referring to his child.
It sounds like he may be struggling to live with someone with mental health issues. I've been on both sides and neither is easy. You lying in bed all day and wanting him to support you when he has a young child to look after maybe felt like too much of an emotional strain on him. If he feels like you need his support everyday maybe that's what he is referring to when he says he never gets a day off.
Do you have other people who can support you?

ive had one day in bed and this whole situation has happened. I’ve been working full time despite a sick note given by my psychiatrist because I am the main earner. He gives no support and I ask for none either. Wanting an hour with your husband before bedtime isn’t a big ask

Your husband sounds like he doesn't like you that much and appears dismissive of your illness, if you are unwell take your sicknote, at least for a week or so,

I think you should go on a solo break or to Visit friends and see if the depression and anxiety relent when you don’t leave in this atmosphere with this prick

@Freezingupnorth this marriage doesn’t sound great for you. Your DH seems to be blaming you for a lot of things while you bear the financial load and get sent to ‘your’ room? He sounds awful and it cannot be good for your health conditions - and he doesn’t seem to care either.

It's not as simple as asking. There can be a real tension and a feeling of walking on egg shells living with someone with mental health issues. You've said yourself that it's serious and that you are under a psychiatrist and taking anti-psycotics. I think you may not be realising the impact it has on the people around you.

Every update paints a worse picture of this man. One of life's takers.

I feel a lot of compassion for you,OP. Your mental illness is not your fault. You've clearly been struggling with what feels sometimes like an intolerable burden. I get the impression both you and your husband feel as if more is being asked of you than you can give, and you each wish the other would do more and care more - take some of that burden from you. It's not for me to judge whether either or both of you really are giving all you can give; only the two of you know the truth of that. But I do know that situations like this eventually lead to a feeling of not being cared for as we deserve - on both sides - and then mutual resentment.

The only really effective answer is to sit down with your husband and hash out compromise arrangement. You may get less of him than you want on the weeks when his child is there. He may get less help with his child from you than he wants. Still, the only way to prevent resentment destroying your marriage is to talk it out.

I agree with you, no kid should be forced to give hugs they dont want to.
I'm unsure what support you need but it does have to take a little bit of a back seat when kids are around, unfortunately.
Also, you seem upset SS was up late but I'm afraid that's his father's prerogative.
That being said, how your husband spoke to you is atrocious. I'm not sure being with a partner who treats you like that is conducive to good mental health. And staying in bed recovering wasnt wrong, either.

OP there are some horrific people on Mumsnet, who seem to think it is their job to take a few details in someone's post and decide whether they are worthy of needing mental health support.

Your DH sounds like he is being very unfair to you. However, I also think that it sounds like you both need to have a proper conversation about how you manage your mental health issues together, as clearly they are impacting on the rest of the family too. That's not to say it's your fault or that you've done anything wrong, but I think an open conversation might help you both to air your thoughts and feelings and come up with some solutions.

So, for example, you've said you needed to spend a day in bed. That's fair enough if that's what you needed that day. Your husband may have felt blindsided though, if he had assumed you were going to spend the day as a three.so maybe he needs to understand that, at the moment, you need rest time at the weekends to help you recover. He can then plan how he can balance his role as a father with his needs for downtime at the weekend as well.

Hope things improve for you soon 💐

Lol its obviously aimed at the mentalist who accused OP of being awful/selfish etc for watching a bit of telly!

OP took ONE DAY off!! She took HIS kid to the park today while he got to opt out. She’s the main earner and works full time. Tell me more how hard life actually is for tis man?

I don't think that anything you've said is unreasonable.
Even parents who don't have their kids full time, still need to make efforts to nurture their romantic relationship when the kids are with them. The OP (and other step parents) don't cease to exist or be important when the kids are there. Obviously children's needs come before parents wants, whether the kids are there full time or not, regardless of whether it's parents or step parents. But a child doesn't need to be up at 10 pm and an unwell woman is entitled to expect some company and support from her husband at a time when a child should be in bed!

There's nothing wrong in taking a day to herself to do what helps her to feel better. She isn't a parent and doesn't have to do parenting when the child's actual parent is in the house. His son is there to see him. Lazy fucker just cba to look after him without help.

As hard as it is to live with a mentally unwell person (I know, I've done it), it's worse for the person who is actually sick. OP is still working ft and helping to support this prince amongst men. I suspect her mental health might improve if she wasn't stuck with her are of a husband.

So you're a nurse with a purse as well as a NWAF?

He sounds like a lazy, sponging, freeloading fuckwit.

Why do you put up with it? Because surely you must know you deserve much better.