To think they could have/should have brought something

[BurnoutGP]

I am in hospital after major (planned surgery). DD1 age 25 will be looking after me (she lives at home for a small rent that cover everything). She has had to take some time off work (unpaid).
I am fiercely independent and have brought in my own squash/snacks etc. The 2 other people in my room have had visitors all day bringing lovely fresh fruit/sweets/drinks etc. DD1 visited this evening bringing my stepmother (very close ben in my life since I was 14. Father died few years ago)
They came empty handed. There is a lovely M+S in the concourse of the hospital they would have walked past it when they came in. But hey ho. Except DD1 started on my bag of snacks eating 2 without even asking. So I very sarcastically told them off and said not only did you not bring me even a M+S fruit snack you're now eating the snacks I bought in. Im pretty immobile.
They then said oh do you want us to go get you something. I said well it really defeats the purposes if you have to be told. And it would have been almost closed.
AIBU to be hurt and disappointed and a spoilt brat
IANBU they should have brought something.
DD1 is usually pretty good but can be a bit self absorbed and they are very used to me being super capable and doing everything. I am now a bit worried what her "looking after" is going to look like....

She is taking unpaid leave from work op in order to look after you! That is worth more (not just financially) than some treats from m & s, no?

If someone had just had surgery I wouldn’t go mad re treats for them. They might still be queasy. I would probably ask them if there was anything they needed and leave it at that. Maybe some flowers when they get out or something. I would ask them, however.

Well it wasn’t just him who got unlucky- it was all the patients in the hospital.

I guess eggs Benedict is for the lucky ones who can go private.

I'm fiercely independent but I still want someone to show me some love and care if I need it. Nothing unusual in that.

I have been through so many surgeries and medical things with my son who is the same age as OP's DD and still at home. If I'm having one surgery, you bet I expect him to support me a bit. Family support should go both ways.

My DF was recently in hospital for about 5 weeks. Emergency surgery. Very touch and go.
I live about 250 miles away. I only brought him what he asked for, for the following reasons
He was on a special diet
He had very little personal space for 'stuff' so he prioritised things like a fan (which he asked me to bring), books (which he asked me to bring), headphones (which he asked me to bring in)........
Do you see the theme.
Incidentally, when he was getting better, I did get him some treats from the shop but only when he asked.
IMO, hospitals are one of the worst places to bring in gifts / treats where they may not be needed, that should be for when they get back home. Patients should be explicit on what they need to make their stay better to their visitors

There are whole website where people post pictures it has to be seen to be believed.

I suffered a major trauma injury 3 hospitals 4 months...I relied on relatives bringing food to avoid white toast/ cornflakes. Sausage roll lunch, non specific blended stew like substance, 2 potatoes, other sub par stuff that had no vitamins or minerals e.g. a pebble sized jacket potato with no protein or vegetables etc etc.

My hospital plate on Facebook is to be seen to be believed

Yabu. Quite often people can feel quite unwell after surgery and don't feel like eating much. If you wanted food brought in you should have asked.

The vege omelettes and smoothies and burgers and things my DH got in public were pretty decent.

Hopefully that hospital you refer to was just having a bad week. Don't hospitals have nutritionists on board to design menus these days?

Well as a patient...dear friends and family do so much better than that being caring and don't place the burden on the patient

I'll have to check that out. I've had some pretty bad hospital food, but that was a bit over 20 years ago, so probably doesn't count. Was still bearable though.

Since then I've only had day procedures where they give you a pack of nice sandwiches, crackers and cheese and some other snack after, together with a hot drink of choice.

I’ll refer you to the other poster above who talked about her awful experience in various hospitals and mentioned a facebook page to document terrible hospital food. Not a smoothie or an omelette in sight, I’m willing to bet. I’ve also had a fair bit of experience in hospital food, I think you got lucky.

Why on earth didn't you just ask for what you wanted?

Maybe, but I'd also suggest that people getting amazing food are less likely to post it on that site to complain over. I will check it out though.

Before I visit someone I do always ask if they want me to bring them something. Especially a decent coffee from a cafe.

A friend who was phobic about hospitals sent me cards (to write) and slipped in the envelope were those very slender Swiss chocolate bars M& S sell...it was wonderful. Untouched for quite a while, whilst I was in the shock of recovery but when you are isolated...quite comforting to be thought of and it's the feeling of love and connection too...then as you heal..oo chocolate lol

Because she was sick? Thought it was common courtesy to take resources to someone who can't get their own? Taking a gift to someone in hospital is a sign of love and care?

@Anyahyacinth how would it be a burden to be asked if there is anything particular fly would like a visitor to bring? It wouldn’t be. It is practical and polite to ask.

What is a burden is being inundated with stuff you maybe can’t eat or use where you have v little personal space to store it. Hence I would wait until the patient gets home, unless they ask for something.

Christ, you sound high maintenance. “Dear friends” take the time to show up, talk, hold your hand. Bringing snacks from m & s is secondary unless requested.

I don't think it's unreasonable at all. I wouldn't dream of visiting without bringing something. I know you're not allowed flowers but some sweets/chocolates, a book, a magazine, a puzzle book (and a pen) or even the traditional grapes. It doesn't have to be much.

Im sure you know your husband well enough to be sure he was okay with that, I think it’s a bit different with a spouse. I just don’t agree that the op is unreasonable for being a bit miffed at the lack of consideration.

Nope ...as a patient it is your connection to the outside world, your source of resources when you can't obtain them yourself. Bringing something is a sign of love and care and an opportunity to give something useful that will aid recovery and recuperation. The idea that a 1 hr chat will sustain the rest of time 🤦‍♀️

I think it's strange to visit anyone in hospital and not take something.
I've done many visits and even if it's a bottle of water,a paper or magazine,tissues or hand sanitiser,it's a small thing but I couldn't turn up empty handed for anyone.
Rude to help yourself to someone else's things too.
I would be hurt by that too.

In your shoes I'd be getting DD a gift for taking unpaid leave to care for you. Have you had a GA OP? They can cause some epic mood swings post op!

Often...no

You can only speak for yourself. When I was in hospital for 3 weeks with sepsis I couldn’t care less if people brought me stuff, I just wanted the company.

Totally this. YABU.

First of all I hope the surgery went well and you’re soon on the road to recovery.
My son was recently in hospital for a month and we visited everyday always taking him a little ‘treat’ his favourite biscuits/chocolate bar usually.
It is expensive having someone in hospital with the cost of petrol/parking/time off work etc but it’s also tough being the patient where the highlight of your day is having visitors. Knowing they’re thinking of you before visiting to stop and pick you up something means a lot.
Hopefully next time they visit they bring you lots of treats!

I would never visit someone in hospital without a gift of some kind which would include something nice to eat like sweets, biscuits etc. I also offer to nip to the hospital shop for anything else they may want like a sandwich or a drink etc.