To think they could have/should have brought something

[BurnoutGP]

I am in hospital after major (planned surgery). DD1 age 25 will be looking after me (she lives at home for a small rent that cover everything). She has had to take some time off work (unpaid).
I am fiercely independent and have brought in my own squash/snacks etc. The 2 other people in my room have had visitors all day bringing lovely fresh fruit/sweets/drinks etc. DD1 visited this evening bringing my stepmother (very close ben in my life since I was 14. Father died few years ago)
They came empty handed. There is a lovely M+S in the concourse of the hospital they would have walked past it when they came in. But hey ho. Except DD1 started on my bag of snacks eating 2 without even asking. So I very sarcastically told them off and said not only did you not bring me even a M+S fruit snack you're now eating the snacks I bought in. Im pretty immobile.
They then said oh do you want us to go get you something. I said well it really defeats the purposes if you have to be told. And it would have been almost closed.
AIBU to be hurt and disappointed and a spoilt brat
IANBU they should have brought something.
DD1 is usually pretty good but can be a bit self absorbed and they are very used to me being super capable and doing everything. I am now a bit worried what her "looking after" is going to look like....

Me too ..on crutches ..but would never go without something in hand to cheer their stay

Not read all the responses, but I can see the Mumsnet Massive have voted yabu.

I'm surprised at that - I would never visit someone in hospital empty handed. When it was my Mum I took something every time.

So IMO YANBU. I hope you get well soon x

I haven't said that at all.

You missed the bit about @BugJuice having the expense of driving 60 miles every day and being with her grandma for a great deal of time... which was all of it really.

I don't think she's saying that bringing something is wrong - of course you appreciated that. But would you have been sarcastic if any of them hadn't?

Honestly my wife was in hospital for 6 months, l never turned up without a little treat for her, hospital is grim, what's so hard about picking up a coffee or a bar of chocolate on the way in. She never asked me for anything, but surley you take things to make people feel better.

People are not mind readers. Just ask for what you want!

I think there's some posters here who come from very sad and unfeeling families OP, or maybe we're the exception to the rule because whenever myself and my sibling have been in hospital either planned or unplanned, our parents, other family members and friends have always brought a treat in, or something non edible to cheer us up, unprompted, in addition to the 'do you need anything practical' list.

Previously this may have been a magazine or I even had a photo of the family pet brought in at one point!

In turn, I have had a few friends end up in hospital and have done the same and would do for anyone.

When both my children were born, friends and family arrived with treats and gifts and practical assistance whilst still in hospital.

To be honest, I learnt that kindness and generosity from a young age from my parents.

Threads like this, and their responses from other posters only serve to remind me how unfortunate some people are to have zero support and how fortunate I am to have such generous, kind and supportive family members and friends, of which we seem to be in the minority, sadly!

So no I don't think you're unreasonable but equally if this behaviour isn't modelled by you in respect to your child, or you never witnessed it from your step parent then I'm not surprised they haven't bothered.

You want people to read your mind and anticipate your deepest needs (which seem to arise from envy of other patients). This is not the behaviour of an adult.

The people who know you best have been taught - by you - to respect your 'fierce independence'. Now you're whining that they respect that aspect of yourself that you most value.

You can't have it both ways. And you certainly can't hold lack of ability to read minds against people.

Learn to communicate.

This.

You didn’t ask for anything.
you arguing with people on the post you create raised your own heart rate.
you chose to have a child, it’s not her fault or debt that you were a single mum.

If you keep up this mentality you’ll drive her away.

YABU and sulky. They asked if you wanted something so if you’re going to be all passive aggressive…?

Just don’t make up drama where you don’t need it. Stop being hard work.

Hopefully you’re not one of those parents who thinks their child owes them for birthing them and bringing them up?

I can't imagine visiting someone in hospital - especially my DM who's had major surgery - and not bringing something in to cheer them up. Even just a magazine or some hand cream or a few nice snacks. I thought that was the norm? And after surgery you're probably feeling vulnerable and less able to hide your feelings. Wishing you all the best for your recovery.

Your unkind post to OP was illiterate. So I mostly ignored it and I wish @BurnoutGP had too but at that point she was probably reacting as I suspect many people would have. I do wonder why people pile on when someone so obviously vulnerable is asking for support. Shame on you.

Neither would I but I wouldn't care if anyone came to visit me without something in hand. Their gift is their time and effort.

Careful op, I think you’ll find lots of patients without gifts or visitors. Count your blessings.

No I wouldn’t bring in gifts to a hospital - they are a pain in the arse to bring home or just end up in the bin.

You sound very poor me

Hope you feel better soon, sounds like it wasn’t deliberate of your daughter
if she has no experience of hospitals perhaps she just didn’t realise how boring and lonely it can be and how cheering it can be to bring a thoughtful gift!

bet she brings something nice next time!

They definately should have brought something or checked if there was anything you needed when they saw you. I always bring a magazine I think the patient might like to break up the boredom if hosptal visiting. My MIL was in hospital for a long time and I would message her to find out if there was anything she needed each time I visited. Best wishes to you for a speedy recovery.

why do you need to say "as a gift"?

Just say - as you pass the M&S please pick up some (eg) brownie bites and mini Colin the caterpillars.... job done.

Why over complicate things?

You sound like my parent (constantly in and out of hospital) - a visit is never quite good enough, even if I bring snacks, mags, puzzle books, it's never quite right and then they lay on the guilt and compare to how other's visitors stay longer, bring decent coffee and a roast dinner every night.

Defeats the purpose? Would the purpose not be having something?

Rude, grabby and entitled