Family member's newborn – WWYD?

[CrumpetConnoisseur]

My cousin has recently brought her tiny premature baby home after a stay in NICU. She weighs less than 5lbs.
She sent me a photo of the baby asleep on her tummy in her Moses basket and said that this is the position she settles best in.
I have to admit I’m quite concerned. I know babies shouldn’t generally be put down to sleep on their fronts, and with her being so premature and tiny, it makes me particularly nervous.
My cousin also doesn’t want to use a breathing or movement monitor such as an Owlet, which adds to my worry, although I appreciate these aren’t recommended as a substitute for safe sleeping practices.

Obviously, I’m not her baby’s parent and I don’t want to come across as judgemental or interfere with how she’s looking after her. I also don’t know whether the NICU team has given her any specific advice regarding sleeping positions.

Would you be concerned in this situation? Would you say something to her, or leave it alone because it’s not your baby?
I just want the little one to be safe, but I also don’t want to overstep the mark.

Owlet is complete nonsense so that’s a non concern

Most i would do is say 'oh I could never bring myself to put my little ones like that I would be constantly worried about sids'. Then leave her to it, you've delivered a subtle warning.

Maybe ask if that’s how the NICU team advised her to put the baby down?

They’ll have likely had her like that in the NICU but it’s fine with the high level monitoring in there. She’s more susceptible to SIDS, I’d have to say something if it was me.

The owlet is neither here nor there, if they were necessary hospital would have sent one home with the baby.

Did the NICU put the baby on her tummy to sleep? I can't picture it somehow but there's plenty I don't know about preterm babies even though I had one many years ago.

I'd ask her gently about it when/if you visit. Just by saying that it is unusual these days etc.

None of your business. After a stay in NICU the parents are fit to handle a baby.

Honestly I wish I had the confidence of your cousin. I spent weeks forcing DS1 to lie on his back where he screamed in pain or wriggled for hours on end due to acid reflux and probable general discomfort because everyone I asked told me he must sleep on his back. Some nights he only slept 20 min stretches and ended up losing weight consistently which I'm convinced was lack of rest. I was a wreck too. He slept on his tummy on my chest so I learned so sleep semi upright just so he could rest. Every time I look back on that time I am so mad at myself for not looking after his needs as an individual and trusting my own instinct. I was so afraid of being judged for not following advice. It sounds like this is what your cousin in doing and sadly she is being judged for it. I think you should mind your own business to be honest. Also many people feel they are just sent home clueless hours after giving birth. But if she had a baby in NICU she would have had time to get to know her baby and get advice and support specific to her child so she probably knows what she is doing more than a regular mother. I'm basing that on my second DC who was premature too.

In a non smoking home with no excess alcohol or drug use the absolute extra risk from a baby being on their tummy is tiny. On a population basis back to sleep campaign made a huge difference because so many people smoke or drink to excess and their babies are at much higher risk of SIDS.

As she is your cousin can you speak to your aunt/uncle (her parent) and ask if they’ll have a word with her about it?
I’d probably just say that I’d be too nervous to let my baby sleep that way as I was told it was too dangerous.

I’m not being judgemental, I understand it must be really hard especially after NICU, I’m just concerned because she’s so tiny and was born early and I know those are two potentially SIDs risks. And putting her down on her tummy would increase that risk surely?
I Just wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened.

Just to add her partner smokes.

@FairLemonNewt
Her partner smokes.
I do understand your post but at the same time, because she’s so tiny and not even 5lbs I thought it might be more risky.

Again none if your business. Leave them alone.

Our daughter was in the NICU, she like a lot of NICU babies was put to sleep on her stomach as its easier to breathe (remember patients during covid being put on their front to help with breathing). She wouldn’t and even now as a four year old has never slept on her back, even though she was in the NICU such a short amount of time. She slept on her front mainly, but on one of us so if her breathing had changed we would have noticed straight away.

Some NICU now start moving babies onto their back before discharge.

@FlowerVases I get your point, I can’t help being concerned. I guess I’ll butt out.

It's not your child. It's not your call.

Subtle?

😯

Of course you should say something. What she is doing is completely idiotic. I'd rather have an offended mother than a dead baby.

I'd say something once and accept whatever they say in return. I couldn't say nothing.

@CrumpetConnoisseur , I'd mention that the advice is for the baby to sleep on their back and to double-check with the healthcare professionals.

Don't say this it's not subtle at all, it sounds like a passive aggressive way of calling her a bad mum.

I’d have to say something. As someone else said, better a pissed off mother than a dead baby. All you have to do is envisage the worst case scenario, and how you’d feel if you’d kept quiet.

I know - passagg pain in the arse subtle like a brick

subtle? really?