Family member's newborn – WWYD?

[CrumpetConnoisseur]

My cousin has recently brought her tiny premature baby home after a stay in NICU. She weighs less than 5lbs.
She sent me a photo of the baby asleep on her tummy in her Moses basket and said that this is the position she settles best in.
I have to admit I’m quite concerned. I know babies shouldn’t generally be put down to sleep on their fronts, and with her being so premature and tiny, it makes me particularly nervous.
My cousin also doesn’t want to use a breathing or movement monitor such as an Owlet, which adds to my worry, although I appreciate these aren’t recommended as a substitute for safe sleeping practices.

Obviously, I’m not her baby’s parent and I don’t want to come across as judgemental or interfere with how she’s looking after her. I also don’t know whether the NICU team has given her any specific advice regarding sleeping positions.

Would you be concerned in this situation? Would you say something to her, or leave it alone because it’s not your baby?
I just want the little one to be safe, but I also don’t want to overstep the mark.

That's rubbish. They don't have time as too short staffed! Everything I knew I learnt myself. They did not tell us anything about safe sleep. If you have knowledge that could save a child's life why the hell wouldn't you share it. If she sees her arse with you then she's a bloody idiot.

I would have to say something:

”I’ve been thinking about the photo you sent and I’d have to says something, just for my own peace of mind. I’m sure you know about the ‘back to sleep’ campaign, but it’s shown how much safer putting babies to sleep on their back is.

I’ll go back to minding my own business now, I just couldn’t get the worries out of my head and would hate myself if it wasn’t something you were aware of.”

Then if she sends over any more similar photos, I’d have to ask her not to send them as it makes me anxious

How old is the baby? Some even at 5lbs can (rarely) turn over. Maybe either she put her in the comfy position while watching to turn her once settled, or the baby did it themselves and she took a pic before flipping them over. NICU mum here and echo the other comments. There’s got to be a decent shot she just took a picture before moving the baby (I’d assume)?

Prematurity and low birth weight are also risk factors.

It sounds awfully like she's not asking for advice, she knows what the advice is and she's making a decision which contradicts that. While that might make our stomachs churn, saying something won't help, or likely change her actions, only stop her from talking to you about it. SIDS is still very rare fortunately, so it's still extremely unlikely to happen. Unfortunately parents do make decisions which contradict advice, or even seem ludicrous from the outside but if they're not harming or neglecting their children, that is their decision and responsibility.

I would argue that deliberately ignoring safety advice and putting your child at risk is neglecting them.

I would advise her to never put a baby down on their tummy to sleep and she can call health visitor if she needs any further information.

Edit: I don't care what people do with their children at all unless there is a risk of injury/death so I would have to say something in this case

Oh god the comments. Yet if that baby dies due to sids they would’ve said it was on u to say something.

Could you make a comment along the lines of has the guidance changed? When I had X putting them to sleep was a huge no etc.

Ultimately I'd have to say something, if the worst happened you'd never forgive yourself.

How is it nonsense? Owlet saved my babies life. Home birth baby born quickly under 90mins. Midwives checked him over but said we could stay home. Popped the owlet on him we had used also for previous son. 8hrs later we got a low oxygen and low heart rate alert. He had gone into shock from the quick birth whilst he and I both slept. If the alarm hadn't gone off he would have died. Luckily ambulance got there in time. Without the alarm though...

They are not recommended by the AAP and violate safe sleep guidelines. Babies have also been burned by the sock. Just some food for thought. If you’re following safe sleep, there’s no reason to monitor baby’s oxygen. If your baby has a medical condition which requires monitoring, a healthcare professional will send you home with a hospital grade monitor.

DS was about 5lb when he came home a month after being in NICU and SCBU. I don't recall anyone advising a sleeping position like that. He slept in carrycot downstairs until we went up to bed and then he was in Moses basket bedside so we didn't have a baby monitor at that point.

One thing they send you home with from SCBU is too much bedding and a hat. The health visitor told us about that, although we figured the hat out and the quilt wasn't really suitable in either sleeping receptacle.

The pram was tricky cos he'd wriggle down out of sight unless I put a wedge of some sort at the bottom. A whole pack of kitchen roll could travel back from the local shop beneath the wedge. Shocking how teeny he was, now 6ft 2.

My six day old niece died recently due to SIDS. Babies are too fragile and precious to take risks with

Are you reading my post? This sock saved my babies life. I've used owlet for 3 of my own babies and numerous foster babies. It also once alerted us when my foster son was having a seizure during his sleep because his heart rate rose rapidly and too high. Again none of those 2 babies had pre existing conditions that we could have known about. Owlet is amazing but obviously does not mean you can ignore safe sleep guidance etc. And you'll notice there's no proof or verified reports it's burnt anyone. Fine a photo.

My DD would only sleep like that when she was a baby and she was 6lbs not in nicu. That said we didn’t let her sleep like that when she was newborn. I got told off at baby group for mentioning it yet someone asked me there when I was getting her ears pierced!

Mine also slept for hours the day after. I asked if it was normal. It must have been most of the day and night

My babies spent 8 weeks in NICU and I can confirm that nurses DO change babies positions throughout the day and babies spend some time (30 to 40% I’d judge) on their bellies. However they are closely observed and monitored. We were told very clearly that once we go home babies must sleep on their backs in empty cots.

Why would someone take a photo of their babies burned foot?

Yeah sounds like nonsense

Hospitals often place premature babies on their tummies. It can help with certain medical issues and equipment. In the hospital premature babies are constantly being monitored. Its not okay at home because you're not providing the same level of supervision. I'd mentioned it gently but after that I'd but out.

I would say something. I also had a premature baby so I know that they are at higher risk of SIDS than term babies, and obviously risk of SIDS is higher when infants sleep on their tummies than on their backs.

I would be very, VERY surprised if the NICU told her to let the baby sleep on her tummy. My DD was frequently placed on her tummy in the NICU but the nurses mentioned several times that we should never, ever do this at home. It was only OK in the NICU as she was hooked up to various monitors and checked regularly.

Yes, I was wondering if there's a miscommunication with advice here? If the nurses had the baby this way, and if this mum's own mum was older, it might be they think that is correct? As in, up until about the 90s, wasn't it considered wrong to put a baby down on her back? As a kid, I seem to remember back to sleep?
OP, don't want to sound rude, but could this mum be struggling to understand what is advised now?

Having done vast amounts of research into this due to my circumstances, injuries from
the sock tend to be not following the useage correctly ie: not cleaning the sock, changing the strap regularly etc. I never had any issues.

Additionally, how lucky are you that where you live the hospitals provide you with monitors to take home and monitor oxygen. That unfortunately wasnt the case for me - my daughter came home on oxygen and was on this for one year. Without the owlet, I had nothing to monitor her oxygen. In addition, when the day came to bring her home the hospital wouldnt even let us put the owlet on her on the ward we had to do it ourselves in reception. Whilst, I appreciate it isnt a “recognised” medical device for some it is a lifeline.