Family member's newborn – WWYD?

[CrumpetConnoisseur]

My cousin has recently brought her tiny premature baby home after a stay in NICU. She weighs less than 5lbs.
She sent me a photo of the baby asleep on her tummy in her Moses basket and said that this is the position she settles best in.
I have to admit I’m quite concerned. I know babies shouldn’t generally be put down to sleep on their fronts, and with her being so premature and tiny, it makes me particularly nervous.
My cousin also doesn’t want to use a breathing or movement monitor such as an Owlet, which adds to my worry, although I appreciate these aren’t recommended as a substitute for safe sleeping practices.

Obviously, I’m not her baby’s parent and I don’t want to come across as judgemental or interfere with how she’s looking after her. I also don’t know whether the NICU team has given her any specific advice regarding sleeping positions.

Would you be concerned in this situation? Would you say something to her, or leave it alone because it’s not your baby?
I just want the little one to be safe, but I also don’t want to overstep the mark.

If they choose not to talk to you after you intervene you haven't done anyone a favour.

If the father smoked indoors while she was pregnant and she allowed it then mentioning something won’t make any difference to what they do. Smoking is one of the factors of premature birth. Having had a micro preemie myself though the baby probably needs to be fed every couple of hours. The parents will be highly alert to the needs of the baby and if the baby was very preen then they will probably have a dummy ( used to help them learn to suck if born before 33/34 weeks ) which also reduces the risk of sids. Without knowing what the parents are like in general I’m not sure what I’d do in this situation tbh.

This is much worse imo. And I am actually quite sympathetic to the difficulties smokers face in giving up, particularly at a time of high stress and pressure. He should be doing it outside, wearing a different t shirt or an over jacket and changing when he comes back in, washing his hands and face afterwards

But if they change their ways and it keeps the baby alive then it was worth mentioning.

Most people wouldn’t forgive themselves not saying anything and then the baby dies.

If the baby is formula fed I’d be more worried than if they are bf or fed pumped bm. Lots of factors involved with preventing sids. My dd came home weighing 4lb 4 oz so I have some experience.

This is the way, do it in a manner that comes across as interested and not critical.

Logic error here: a pissed off mother doesn't necessarily mean a safer baby.

What a strange thing to say (and illogical, ironically). Nobody is suggesting that a baby's safety requires the mother to be pissed off.

It's sounds like the are killing the baby. Sorry.

She is just asking for advise. No need to be harsh.

NICUs always transition to sleeping premmies to sleeping on their back before coming off monitoring. The SUDI risk is already increased due to being premature and dad smoking. Adding to the risk with unsafe sleeping seems foolish. I hope they get away with it.

They might not be particularly fit parents, but sure risk the baby dying rather than have an awkward conversation

I doubt it. They are very hot on date sleep guidelines. However very poorly babies are put on their front sometimes, but they are closely monitored.

Subtle? As a brick.

How close are you? Close enough to speak on the phone? I think sharing concern about the sleeping position would be easier delivered over the phone rather than by text where it could be misinterpreted as judgemental.

The smoking - do you know if he is still smoking in the house? Are you likely to be going to visit any time soon? If so, I would wait and see if you are there when he smokes before saying anything related to that as he may well now do so outside. And if you pile both things together, she will likely get defensive.

if you felt concerned you could send a genuinely curious reply… “have you been advised to let her sleep on her front? Is it safe?”And a link to the lullaby trust safe sleep guidelines. She might not know.

I wouldn’t worry about her being on her front on mum’s chest as long as mum is awake?

I always co slept but knew how to have a safe set up.

The sleeping thing is not idea, the smoking thing is awful if he's doing it in the house around a premature baby.

Maybe she is going to turn baby once she is asleep. 2 out of my 4 used to settle on their tummies then I turned them once they were asleep. Only took a few minutes and I watched them.
Is she also keeping the Moses basket beside her so would notice any changes anyway.
As she is your cousin it's not unreasonable to mention your concerns in a tactful way. Maybe ask her when the baby will be big enough to sleep on her back?

Just because you clearly wouldn’t give a toss doesn’t mean that the OP is wrong for caring. She’s asking for guidance, nothing has suggested she’s going to go on at them in a crass and heavy handed manner

I wouldn't say anything, It's none of your business what they do.

If they wanted your advice they would ask for it - they haven't.

Absolutely say something op. Just be upfront

I could live with someone thinking I was interfering if it concerned a baby's safety. Sleep safety isn't some old wives' tale.

Just be curious, like the previous poster and say , when i had mine my very bossy HV was adamant that they had to sleep on their backs because of SIDS risk. I guess its different for babies that have been in NICU?

Owlet isn't nonsense, it is an extremely accurate pulse oximeter.

Just because the risk of SIDS for front sleepers is higher, it is still tiny. Maybe they advised this in NICU.

The lullaby trust/safe sleep is pretty much rammed down your throat by HV/MWs these days, especially if someone in the household smokes. Id be surprised if this information had bypassed them

The baby was being watched at the time, the risk is still very small. Im not sure in your position Id say anything

WTAF @Motomum23 ?