Family member's newborn – WWYD?

[CrumpetConnoisseur]

My cousin has recently brought her tiny premature baby home after a stay in NICU. She weighs less than 5lbs.
She sent me a photo of the baby asleep on her tummy in her Moses basket and said that this is the position she settles best in.
I have to admit I’m quite concerned. I know babies shouldn’t generally be put down to sleep on their fronts, and with her being so premature and tiny, it makes me particularly nervous.
My cousin also doesn’t want to use a breathing or movement monitor such as an Owlet, which adds to my worry, although I appreciate these aren’t recommended as a substitute for safe sleeping practices.

Obviously, I’m not her baby’s parent and I don’t want to come across as judgemental or interfere with how she’s looking after her. I also don’t know whether the NICU team has given her any specific advice regarding sleeping positions.

Would you be concerned in this situation? Would you say something to her, or leave it alone because it’s not your baby?
I just want the little one to be safe, but I also don’t want to overstep the mark.

SIDS is not caused by sleeping positions

That is not subtle!

Ds3 was a SCBU baby and was very unwell for a while. He was often placed on his front when he was in the incubator but once he transitioned into a cot he was always put on his back. However, no one discussed “safe sleep” with me before we were discharged, perhaps because he wasn’t my first but I always put him on his back to sleep at home. I would just ask her if that’s what was suggested when they were in hospital and perhaps it will open up a conversation.

I think it is good you are thinking of saying something as I was going to say I would feel so bad if something happened.

Could you say something gently in a message like ‘she’s so beautiful! How are you feeling? I guess guidelines change all the time, I was taught sleeping on their front is dangerous, but that was a while ago now! Sending loads of love’ or something like that?!

I think you should say something, OP. Imagine if something happened to the baby and it turned out she’d not realised it was unsafe. You wouldn’t forgive yourself for not having spoken up.

It’s possible to raise concern without it being offensive to the other person. Have you had children yourself? If so, could you phrase it along the lines of the advice you were given when yours were newborn and questioning whether the advice had changed since?

She will have received a lot of advice from the NICU nurses about care at home. I’d be confident they had said that if the baby seems uncomfortable on back due to chest phlegm, then try front sleeping

If you say anything it will seem a judgement because it IS. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t say it. I’d be super honest and ask her if the hospital has told her it’s safe for the baby to be on her back? You could add that perhaps the advice is different for a NICU baby, it might be! She might think you’re interfering but so what - it’s from a place of love and concern for her and the baby.

If you have DC I'd maybe say something along the lines of "the advice was sleep on the back when I had mine, has that changed now?"

I second this, after my second birth the nurses gave me a rest by taking away my baby during the night, from which I discovered babies sleep way better on their tummies.

I hear you OP. Its hard to look on and wonder about these things. I think sleeping on the tummy was discouraged after Anne Diamonds baby died. I remember this well as my son was 6 weeks old at the time and I was terrified.
I would just gently broach the subject and maybe mention Anne Diamond, and you were wondering if best advice has changed (as ut often does).
I sincerely hope that the DP is not smoking within a mile of their new baby!!

I am a GP so I would 100% say something in your position. And forward her the lullaby trust safe sleep information.
baby may have slept prone in nicu but will have been attached to all the nicu monitoring. The use of Owlet etc does not negate the risks of prone sleeping at home.
https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/safer-sleep-information/sleeping-position/

Incorrect
www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/safer-sleep-information/sleeping-position/

When babies are discharged from our hospital we send home with a pack. All sorts of helpful leaflets. One being The Lullaby Trust.
Yes babies are places on their tummy's but people seem to miss the fact that there's a ton of equipment monitoring them and even when they come off the equipment, there are numerous staff checking babies constantly. All things not available at home.

Safe sleep practice saves babies lives. It's there for a reason.

What crap. Just tell her straight that the old 'back to sleep ' guidelines saved lives. Go to the lullaby trust website. If you know these things you have to pass them on.

The smoking is much more (even more) concerning.

Totally fine to bring that up as a concern. Just as long as it’s a gentle way of saying something about it.

I would just suggests she checks with health visitor.

Just say something! Worst thing is she's pissed with you. Better than not saying anything and the baby dies

You call that subtle!

From a different perspective and mummy of a NICU baby - I dont know how early her baby was born but NICU is hard and not the start that anyone wants.

Also, you should get all the help and advice you need to care for the baby at home which I am sure she has had. My baby would only settle on her tummy for alot of time in NICU but we had a long stay.

I would leave your comments to yourself, she will be being seen by all the necessary people and be getting all the help and advice she needs. If she asks for your advice thats different.

I had an owlet but I also know people who didnt because it would increase their anxiety.

On this occasion, I would be the supportive person on the other end of the phone if needed.

That's a good one or i'd say- ohh has the recommendation for safe sleep changed from back to front now?

Safeguarding is everyone’s concern.

A child's safety is everyone's business.

Get her told.

I would ask what was said about sleeping at the nicu..it may put your mind at rest knowing the advice she was given.
Have chat about sleeping positions that are advised these days over a nice cup of tea.

I couldn’t forgive my self if anything happened and I hadn’t queried it.

Hopefully others also suggest that it’s not the safest.