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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to take a hard stance with the school on this

456 replies

JustAnotherWhinger · 09/10/2026 14:40

I worked in schools for 20+ years so I’m very aware of how hard school staff work. I’ve also had a good relationship with this school for years and have had 3 kids through it already.

DN lives with us as his Mummy died. He’s doing amazing given the circumstances. He started school in September and loves it.

Since the second week he’s been going to the breakfast club three days a week. It’s run by school staff. The one he goes to (they have two separate ones) is staffed by two TAs and they take 25 kids. DN was desperate to go as his wee bestie, who lives on our street, goes and we’ve been happy to encourage anything that helps him settle.

However, for the 6th time since he started the TA who does the door said “say bye to Mummy…”

This leaves DN horribly upset and it’s getting worse each time it happens. Every time the TA apologises, tells DN it’s so difficult to remember every and she’ll try her best not to do it again. Today DN was so upset he ended up being sick and has missed the whole day of school.

Last week the other TA took over doing the door and DN had a brilliant week. This week the forgetful TA has upset him twice. I get that learning lots of kids names is difficult, but how the fuck do you forget an orphaned kid that you’ve upset numerous times?

My AIBU is this - To stop going to breakfast club you have to give a month’s notice and pay for that notice. I’ve told the school today I’m withdrawing DN effective immediately and won’t be paying.

The TA is either making absolutely no effort or she cannot recognise faces, in which case she shouldn’t be doing the door.

DH thinks in the interest of the relationship with the school we should pay for the notice, but I don’t agree. DN wants to go. I want him to go. He cannot go because they are repeatedly upsetting him.

OP posts:
UbiquitousPistachio · 15/10/2026 20:06

Well done OP. I do hope things calm down and DN can settle in again smoothly.

ChaChaChat · 15/10/2026 21:00

A very good outcome OP. I hope he’s with his wee bestie at this breakfast club and is happy, great little man that he is. ❤️

dontbeataboutthebush · 15/10/2026 21:36

JustAnotherWhinger · 14/10/2026 13:19

We have a resolution.

I’m not going to say much about the TA. Her excuse that she keeps forgetting because she knows me as mum to my DS who is at the school and DS who is now at high school is one I don’t accept. And to be fair hasn’t been accepted by the HT either.

The plan for the other TA to do the door was put in place by Deputy head after the second incident. It should have been followed since that day. The school will be dealing with why it wasn’t. Obvs I’ll not hear anything about private disciplinary discussions or anything.

DN will still be going to the breakfast club and the TA wont be involved. As they have two breakfast clubs switching adults isn’t an issue.

Really glad you have the support of the HT and DN doesn’t have to miss out.

Fortuity · 16/10/2026 00:22

JustAnotherWhinger · 14/10/2026 13:19

We have a resolution.

I’m not going to say much about the TA. Her excuse that she keeps forgetting because she knows me as mum to my DS who is at the school and DS who is now at high school is one I don’t accept. And to be fair hasn’t been accepted by the HT either.

The plan for the other TA to do the door was put in place by Deputy head after the second incident. It should have been followed since that day. The school will be dealing with why it wasn’t. Obvs I’ll not hear anything about private disciplinary discussions or anything.

DN will still be going to the breakfast club and the TA wont be involved. As they have two breakfast clubs switching adults isn’t an issue.

I suppose they're not going to tell you, but I would be wondering why they keep that TA at all. If she can forget something as basic as this, she can forget about things like children's allergies and medication, and the support she is supposed to be giving them, and she could be really quite dangerous.

theearthsayshello · 16/10/2026 00:28

JustAnotherWhinger · 14/10/2026 13:19

We have a resolution.

I’m not going to say much about the TA. Her excuse that she keeps forgetting because she knows me as mum to my DS who is at the school and DS who is now at high school is one I don’t accept. And to be fair hasn’t been accepted by the HT either.

The plan for the other TA to do the door was put in place by Deputy head after the second incident. It should have been followed since that day. The school will be dealing with why it wasn’t. Obvs I’ll not hear anything about private disciplinary discussions or anything.

DN will still be going to the breakfast club and the TA wont be involved. As they have two breakfast clubs switching adults isn’t an issue.

I am so glad you got a resolution. Thank goodness he has you to advocate for him.

She's either experiencing some sort of cognitive issues or she is malicious. Either way, this is not the job for her and I hope she moves on.

OldForANewMum · 16/10/2026 20:23

I had the tab open from this thread where I saw it earlier in the week and didn't have the chance to reply. I've been very happy to come back to it and read how things have turned out.

My perspective on this is, person whose father died at age 8, and adoptive parent who fully understands that this sort of thing matters and also that this is business as usual for schools, the need to take account of circumstances like this. It is normal and they should be expected to do better.

I am disgusted at the attitude you got from some people on this thread when it was very clear indeed a) how serious the issue was, b) how reasonable you'd been but also c) that you hadn't rested on your laurels. I'm very pleased that at the end of this saga you have had the head taking it properly seriously.

I think the TA has absolutely no business working in a school based on this, I really don't say this lightly. I'm one who's generally supportive of schools and how difficult working in education in 2026 is. But there is simply no excuse for somebody this clueless - and repeatedly, repeatedly, REPEATEDLY unable to stop themselves being this casually cruel - to be working with small children. There is NO excuse. Unfortunately your DN Is going to have to deal with the other casual situations his whole childhood but the least he can expect from the school he is in every day and the breakfast club you pay for is that he isnt' triggered by them on the daily. It really is the bare minimum bar they should be meeting.

I really hope the TA isn't allowed to perform that role again and ideally that she no longer works at the school at all. Who knows what clodhopping nonsense will come out of her mouth for other children.

Well done to your poor little DN on his calm answer too, by the way. I wish you all the very, very best.

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