AIBU to take a hard stance with the school on this

[JustAnotherWhinger]

I worked in schools for 20+ years so I’m very aware of how hard school staff work. I’ve also had a good relationship with this school for years and have had 3 kids through it already.

DN lives with us as his Mummy died. He’s doing amazing given the circumstances. He started school in September and loves it.

Since the second week he’s been going to the breakfast club three days a week. It’s run by school staff. The one he goes to (they have two separate ones) is staffed by two TAs and they take 25 kids. DN was desperate to go as his wee bestie, who lives on our street, goes and we’ve been happy to encourage anything that helps him settle.

However, for the 6th time since he started the TA who does the door said “say bye to Mummy…”

This leaves DN horribly upset and it’s getting worse each time it happens. Every time the TA apologises, tells DN it’s so difficult to remember every and she’ll try her best not to do it again. Today DN was so upset he ended up being sick and has missed the whole day of school.

Last week the other TA took over doing the door and DN had a brilliant week. This week the forgetful TA has upset him twice. I get that learning lots of kids names is difficult, but how the fuck do you forget an orphaned kid that you’ve upset numerous times?

My AIBU is this - To stop going to breakfast club you have to give a month’s notice and pay for that notice. I’ve told the school today I’m withdrawing DN effective immediately and won’t be paying.

The TA is either making absolutely no effort or she cannot recognise faces, in which case she shouldn’t be doing the door.

DH thinks in the interest of the relationship with the school we should pay for the notice, but I don’t agree. DN wants to go. I want him to go. He cannot go because they are repeatedly upsetting him.

Know this has been posted a few days ago, but I would be complaining and not stopping until something was done, poor wee guy has been through enough without someone who sounds like she’s not putting the effort in to remembering bringing it up! X

I did wonder if the HT knew the full story as you said you were surprised that school hadn’t contacted you. Hopefully now that she is I hope you’ll get a good resolution to this dreadful situation. I bet she was absolutely raging when she found out the full extent of what has happened.

I'm glad HT sees the seriousness in this. Poor little guy my heart hurts for him.

fingers crossed she can resolve this for the benefit of your nephew!

I hope TA, class teacher and DHT all get a roasting. It's happened too often for good intentions to be enough, your poor wee nephew.

Geez OP, you’ve had an unnecessarily rough time from some people here.

Poor little boy and thank goodness he has you and DP supporting him. I was a teacher for over 40 years and I’d have been beyond upset to find this had happened to a child more than once from the same person. Yes, learning new names is a challenge for some people, but after the first time, surely she was mortified and would have his little face etched into your brain.

As I was reading through, I also wondered if it was just that what has happened again just hadn’t filtered through to the HT. Thankfully it sounds like they’re across it now.

I’m well and truly an adult. My own mum passed away a few years ago in January and when Mother’s Day rolled around, a lovely little girl in my class asked me what I was buying my mum that year. OMG, you should have seen the other kids turn to look at her, a couple whispering in her ear to remind her my mother died (they knew as I took some days off). The little girl was 10 and also mortified at her own lack of thought. As an adult, of course I reassured her that I was fine (even though it made me wobble). If a 10 year old gets it, just goes to show how out of line this TA. Is.

I hope you get some satisfactory results from the meeting.

Hopefully you have a good resolution to all this OP

While I completely understand the pressures on school staff, I just can't get my head around how someone can keep repeatedly doing this. Unless they have a genuine problem with memory etc, which does beg the question of whether they should be in this job.

I am so upset and angry for your nephew. I really hope the head sorts this out - please keep us posted. And it sounds like you're doing a great job (in really difficult circumstances) xx

We have a resolution.

I’m not going to say much about the TA. Her excuse that she keeps forgetting because she knows me as mum to my DS who is at the school and DS who is now at high school is one I don’t accept. And to be fair hasn’t been accepted by the HT either.

The plan for the other TA to do the door was put in place by Deputy head after the second incident. It should have been followed since that day. The school will be dealing with why it wasn’t. Obvs I’ll not hear anything about private disciplinary discussions or anything.

DN will still be going to the breakfast club and the TA wont be involved. As they have two breakfast clubs switching adults isn’t an issue.

I hope it goes well from here, OP.

Well done OP.

Thank goodness and well done. I’m pleased to hear the head has taken this seriously.

I'm glad you have a resolution. Like you say you won't get feedback on how they have followed up with the TA but the most important result is your DN can still go to breakfast club without this woman upsetting him each time. Well done!!

Really good to hear this update. Hope it solves the problem going forward.

Well done OP. That sounds like a really positive update. Your DN is lucky to have you 💐

I don’t know if other people have suggested this as I haven’t read the full thread, but please please please write to the headteacher about this TA and put in a complaint. If she can’t be bothered to remember basic information about the children and her care that she shouldn’t be a teaching assistant.

You don't need to read the full thread but if you click on See All at the bottom right of any of the OP's posts you can read all her updates. She has contacted the head teacher and got a resolution.

Why haven’t you read the thread, or at least the OP’s comments? It’s very rude and lazy to start making suggestions when the issue is resolved.

Because it came as a headline on my feed and looked like a new talk topic. I actually looking for a different one so I was in a bit of a hurry. I didn’t check the dates and assumed it was a fresh thread and therefore wouldn’t have expected a resolution. I read the first pages and assumed the rest would be more of the same -so shoot me, I have now seen that there has been a resolution. However, those that posted that I should’ve read the full threadget a life!

Great outcome OP, hope your nephew can go back to enjoying it with his little friend.

That's great op.

That TA shouldn't be in charge of children if she has such a basic difficulty of remembering such a detail.

Also she has failed to follow the instruction she was given by the HT

Seems as if there is a real failure in the management and chain of command that the instructions weren't followed.

This doesn't reflect well on the HT.

Great there's a resolution. Well done.

Really great result, OP.

Took longer than it should have but I hope your darling DN now feels secure at the Club.

I’m guessing it’s not always the same 25 kids in the breakfast club. Some might only come once or twice a term even and that does make it trickier to remember who is who. When I worked in schools, we always said ‘grown-up’. It avoids a lot of issues.

I’m pleased you’ve managed to resolve the issue though. Lucky there’s two breakfast clubs.