Called me by dead partner’s name

[Singingdolly]

NC and sorry long post
So I met a guy a while ago. We met through mutual friends and there was an instant attraction. Only issue was his partner had died just 6 months previously and he was still grieving for her. We became friends and would meet up for dinner/drinks etc whenever I was home (I work mainly in London). Nothing happened between us until a few months ago (almost a year since his GFs death) when he admitted he had feelings for me. We started dating taking things quite slowly. I tried to be there for him and let him do things at his pace. We had only really kissed up until a few nights ago. We had dinner and went back to his and were being intimate however when he came he called me by her name. Our names aren’t similar and he didn’t even realise what he had done. I got upset and left. When I told him that next day he was utterly devastated and apologised but I’m struggling to get over it. I know it’s only been a year she has been dead but he’s still thinking of her when it matters isn’t he? Or am I being totally unreasonable? I do think we have a future but im having a tough time imagining having sex with him again. WWYD?

@Singingdolly

This. Again, can understand the hurt, but it’s probably just habit. How long were they together?

Try to see a bit of humour in it if you can, that may help, but also help him relax. The fact he was remorseful is a good sign, but he may be on edge for a while.

Maybe leave the intimacy for a little while, and get him to practice saying your name more! 😉

This. It's an absolutely natural human reflex. I understand you were hurt but it really can't be helped. He sounds like a good guy.

@Singingdolly

Great news you have had a constructive conversation about it all with him. He does indeed sound like a keeper!!

His head has a lot of adjusting to do. Keep those lines of communication open, and have fun too!

I did this, not during orgasm though. I wasn't 'thinking' about the other guy at all - we were arguing and I said the name of the only other man I'd ever argued that way with. It was a 'whoops!' moment but he was okay with it because he'd done the same himself. Then when I thought he was dawdling while crossing the road I grabbed for his hand and said, 'Oh, for heaven's sake Amy, get a wiggle on' he rather took it in stride. I had called him by my granddaughter's name because she also dawdled.

Please give this man another chance. This is such an easy mistake to make. I wish you both a lovely life together.