AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

Just go to HR and let them deal with it. End of story

Nope. She's at the company to make money like everyone else. If everyone else can cope without taking Mr Tiddles into meetings with them, then the same applies to her.

A bit like the Myers-Briggs

Hate those tests. Nothing team building about them. Another useless American corporate bullshit adopted in other countries. A real team building is doing out once a month for a meal ot drinks, and chat in relaxed manner. All these non sense Guinea pig experiments developed by so called American experts benefits noone but them.

I’m 45 & on the Autism spectrum. I sleep with a stuffed toy. I require fairly serious surgery this month & am trying to pluck up the courage to ask if i can take my ‘panda’ with me. I have a house,job & 3 kids btw. That said, I have never taken panda to work as i feel that would be inapropriate.

I wouldn’t have a problem with the stuffed toys, it’s fairly common place these days.

If there are issues with her performance, her manager should address those.

It is a bit odd. My dd is 22 and works in an office, she has autism and at home she has a large collection of stuffed toys/jellycats (which is fine) but I don’t think she would ever take one into work, especially during a meeting. I guess as long as she does her job it doesn’t really matter but it sounds like it’s distracting you and possibly others.

I agree.
This is like Alice in Wonderland vs Emperor's new clothes.
The bring your whole self to work nonsense gone too far.
Bring your work self to work. That's all.
If this woman cannot cope and needs mental health support then she needs to see her doctor.

Yes, I was going to say, is there any chance it was a hot water bottle or similar?

Again not the most professional thing in the world, but definitely not unheard of in offices. Of course ideally it could have been a more subtle one, but I can imagine if you wake up with really bad cramps or whatever and the only HWB you have to have is one shaped like a horse your mum gave you five years ago you'd think 'fuck it,' and just grab that for now.

edited to say I would still mention something to a manager though, but more of a raising your concerns that Jane seems to be struggling a bit than 'her stupid horse toy is annoying me!'

It just sounds like somebody you don't trust or like on a subjective basis, and you need a bunch of strangers on the internet to agree with you because nobody at work does.
I can't identify from your posts what she has done WRONG, but you insist on being super scathing about shit that doesn't relate to actual work output. Her manner her voice, her reticence, her posture, her personal artefacts.
Classic workbitch jealousy. Sorry

If everyone else can cope...

Do you lack compassion with people struggling or is it because she is from another country? Bringing everyone else in discussion is very dismissive.

Why can't you take an adult seriously when they are standing in front of you with a stuffed toy?
Oh, stop it. Who the hell could?

Some of these replies are nuts. None of her behaviour is acceptable, she’s an adult ffs not a 10 year old.

To those saying it doesn't matter once she's delivering her objectives or whatever. It really does matter!

Aside from the fact that it sounds like she's coming apart, there are two things that matter broadly in work - performance and conduct. Conduct generally means leaving private behaviour at the door and being calm, thoughtful, clear thinking and cooperative at work, regardless of industry. That's professionalism.

I'm fucking insane at home. I talk loudly to myself, the cat, plants. Sing same tunes on repeat, twerk without music on, vogue around the living room etc.

All comforting behaviour but I park them when I go to work maybe aside from some annoying humming. Cos I know that smashing out work while shaking my arse to an imaginary tune and chatting to a ficus would make others uncomfortable!

Of course you can.

lots of people in hospital have this.

take whatever you need to help you.

I’ve been in hospital lots and lots of people have photos of husband/wife or teddies or pictures of cats and dogs with them. It really helps.

It’s perfectly fine to take a teddy when you go for surgery, no one will judge you, lots of people do it. Hope your surgery goes well. I am also autistic/ADHD and had major surgery a couple years ago, take what ever helps you…..also take snacks 😉l

You sound lovely. Just hope that you or your love ones don’t ever need support or compassion from colleagues.

Honestly couldn’t agree more 🤘

It is an emotional crutch that helps her with her mental health. No one would bat an eyelid if someone came in with crutches to help with a physical thing. People saying she shouldn't be at work are ignoring the fact that she needs to make a living.

Why would you assume that poster thought anything about where teddybear woman was from? It's everything to do with her workplace behaviour and nothing to do with where she comes from.

I work in a professional office. There are acceptable and unacceptable behaviours. We would not be expecting childlike behaviour like that.

Why pretend aibu in Op, when you keep arguing you are right?

For those wondering about the object, use of an object during grounding is a suggested technique and a fairly standard one.

see for example here:

https://ctmuhb.nhs.wales/services/mental-health/silver-cloud/stabilisation-pack/stabilisation-pack/self-help/grounding-pdf/

grounding is about controlling worries/anxiety spirals etc by refocusing on the present moment. It’s widely taught through CBT for a range of MH issues.

i used a pebble and generally people are advised to use small things they can have with them that don’t invite comments.

does your company have a MH first aider?

Oh fgs. No wonder people are so very intolerant and less understanding of ‘MH issues’ when idiots like this are walking around.
I would have far more sympathy for someone in crutches than a fool walking around with a teddy bear.

Many people are horrible and judgemental about others being off work due to invisible barriers like anxiety and depression and believe they should be in full time work and that mental health is a cop out etc. Therefore I wouldn't expect anyone to have a problem with harmless coping mechanisms that allow someone to stay in paid work no matter how unusual it seems!

This 👆