AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

And you don’t think that’s weird??

I thought society was moving away from isolating and ostracising people with disabilities, and encouraging workforce participation?

If she’s too ill to be in work she needs to see her GP and get signed off. It’s not up to an employer to tell an employee to take time off.
Shes an adult in a position of responsibility showing signs of a mental illness or even perhaps a personality disorder. It needs dealing with before it escalates further,

What form did the feedback take?
Was it a pile on and verging on bullying? Or was it constructive and positive. If feedback isn't done properly it can be very upsetting especially for someone who is already anxious .
She has obviously had her confidence knocked

@2021x look it seems that the way she carries that stuffed toy for one day only.. is causing you problems. You feel it’s not professional blablabla.

If it’s such an issue for you that you can’t get past it, then go and see your manager. Start with listing the things that impact you (that won’t be ‘she is holding a toy during meetings’. That’s not going to stop anyone participating to the meeting). Stick to facts rather than feelings (I feel it’s in
rofesional etc….). Say you’ve noticed it happened straight after the ‘team building e exercise’ and you wondered of the results didn’t unsettled her.

Then leave it. You’re not her manager. I’m sure said manager will have noticed the stuff toy too…..
(assuming it’s just a stuffed toy, not a hot water bottle. She doesn’t have endometriosis and is struggling with pain that heat alleviates etc….)

you can be compassionate and also know that some behaviours are totally inappropriate in the workplace
Absolutely true.

It absolutely is the employers responsibility to safeguard an employee, particularly when MH is involved as she might not have capacity herself.

Whilst she is off cuddling horsey, who takes up the slack?

If you can’t cope at work without a stuffed animal, you shouldn’t be there.

@Sewingbeedamned and then she will be out of work, receive benefits and you’ll be crying at the amount of people unable to work due to MH issues….

Maybe a good start is to accept accommodation for those who need them?

In which case, it’s certainly not up to the OP to have a word with her or be hard on her because she is holding a toy during meetings.

She's an adult in a professional environment. She can either do the job as an adult or not. What if sucking a bottle brought her comfort?

I'm afraid I'd find it quite amusing.

Excellent point!

Will she get paid sick leave if she goes off sick OP? Maybe she is angling for that or maybe she is genuinely on the verge of a serious MH breakdown. Either way, her manager should be dealing with it and you should MYOB

Yes, it’s much more adult to suck on coffee all day!

There are reasonable adjustments and those that aren't reasonable. Accepting an adult in a professional environment talking in a baby voice, holding a cuddly toy and seeking constant reassurance is not a reasonable adjustment for a professional environment.

There may be other jobs that suit her so it isn't as simple as this job vs a life on benefits. Perhaps a job working at home would be better for her for example.

A workplace is ultimately a business though that is there to make money/provide a service to society. Why should the responsibility fall entirely on her managers to treat what is likely to be a severe mental health/emotional problem? At what point does this grown woman need to take responsibility for her own health and see a doctor or accept the consequences of not coming to work in an adequately professional mindframe? People need to be held more responsible for sorting their own shit out. There is no omnipotent being who can do that for them and society won't function if we're constantly looking for one.

Well it is though isn't it. Baby bottle vs coffee mug.

You asked if you are being a bit too old/grumpy. I think you are. Why can't you take an adult seriously when they are standing in front of you with a stuffed toy? You know she is struggling with a difficult time and ni support around, if you have issues with her performance let her know but stuffed toy should not be a problem.

Attention-seeking adolescent behaviour, and probably highly irritating.

The 1st thing that comes to my mind is she could be ND. If she gets her work done then it shouldn't be an issue.

Yup. Sounds like she's breaking down which may require time off/support from her manager. Carrying a toy around in work isn't a cute/quirky but acceptable coping mechanism. It's a concerning cry for help.

As for pro team building sessions, a lot of people find them incredibly confronting. A jnr team member of mine described the colours insight training thing as a 'character assasination'.

Agree with this.
Completely unprofessional.

When I was having MH issues during Covid I carried a (small) pebble in my pocket. No-one could see it but I could use it to help ground me when I was struggling.

(I worked in a school and it was very stressful).

comfort objects are known to help with all sorts of stuff. Most adults with MH issues will try to hide them so have small comfort objects in pockets/handbags/rucksacks etc.

it does sound like the feedback was badly done.

It's possible to support the provision of reasonable adjustments, whilst acknowledging that being around other people's mental health crises is a really horrible experience.

MH issues are not pretty!
I've personally witnessed one person's MH issues cause two of their colleagues to have a breakdown- and it started with behaviour like this- learned helplessness, trauma dumping, attention seeking behaviour that was cries for help.
It can cause so much destruction