AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

What context makes it acceptable to wander round the workplace clutching your stuffed horsey?

I'm wondering how long my legal career would have lasted if I had taken a cuddly toy into court, or maybe one of those dolls which say 'mama' when you pull a string.

It would have been over the second you appeared with it.

I swear half these posters don't actually exist in the real world.

Someone needs to tell her to get a grip, or she will stroll in one morning wearing a tail and cat ears.

The anticipated reaction, of course. But I think the knee jerk rejection of everything the last century used as a guide or rule implied in this ‘conditioning’ accusation which gets flung around in so many discussions is no less doctrinaire or dogmatic in spirit.
Indeed, many a time demands for the overturning of this or that custom and practice have been made with considerable menace.

What an attention seeker 😂 I would be tempted to vanish the horse and leave a ‘goodbye note’ on her desk 😬

Stress of wedding planning 😂 meanwhile, in 3rd world countries… (where people are not hugging crocheted horses as adults)

I just saw your post @MomsGotInk & I want to apologise if anything I said made you feel like shit, thinking back when my sons dad & I broke up 9 years ago I used to sleep with my son's babygrows/vest whatever had that comforting smell of his to help me sleep on the overnights he was away

I feel like I was using broad sweeping generalisations, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings & good luck with your surgery & bring a pin so you can attach your comfort to you/your pillow with a ribbon x 💐

If a MH condition satisfies the definition of disability under the Equality Act 2010 then it’s a protected characteristic. No diagnosis is necessary so are these ‘meetings’ designed to intimidate the disabled person into denying their disability ? In whose interests is that ?

And l think you’re referring to what l posted upthread which l qualified - my comment was within the context of OP’s situation in which it appears that this lady hasn’t received support of any kind.

Employers absolutely can monitor a disabled persons’ performance and they absolutely can put them on a PIP. But only after they have looked at the role disability plays in the persons’ failure to meet performance thresholds and provided reasonable adjustment for that.

In the first instance the employer needs to discuss performance and check whether the issues are down to disability, and if so, consider changes that remove or reduce the disadvantage the disability causes. There are numerous ways to support. Sometimes the smallest accommodation can make the difference, and if it turns out that a PIP is appropriate then the process can also be adjusted - for example to provide things like extended timescales to meet targets, or whatever is agreed as necessary to support improvement.

While disability doesn’t exempt an employee from doing their job to the required standard, the employer has a legal obligation to support them to achieve that. Putting a disabled employee straight onto a PIP without these considerations or adjustments can be treated as disability discrimination and a breach of the Equality Act 2010.

Disability is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act 2010 and the protection is against discrimination on the basis of that disability - either direct or indirect. And judging by some of the comments on this thread it’s really not difficult to see why it’s needed.

ND people can experience and deal with stress differently, and also find some things stressful that someone who is NT would not.

Everybody feels and deals with stress differently.

I think we need to be really careful when attributing everything to being ND. Saying oh she’s ND so of course she can walk around with a toy pony. What next? Oh she’s ND of course she can dress up as a pony, wear a tail, bring in a giant stuffed llama that’s as big as her, have a stuffed toy area etc etc.

reasonable adjustments can of course be made when needed but using ND for everything you want really does quite minimise the needs of people with actual ND diagnoses and genuine reasonable adjustments that they may need- eg dimmer lights, a quieter working space etc. clutching a soft toy and carrying everywhere even when talking to colleagues in a professional environment is not the same thing and really does make a mockery of genuine needs.

also, has the OP stated that this colleague actually is ND? I may have missed it as I hadn’t seen that she has confirmed that. Or are people assuming that she must be and therefore simply must be allowed a stuffed toy everywhere she goes without question

STTE. Is she having some form of MH crisis or does she have any disabilities? Your management need to do a wellbeing meeting with her and refer her to Occupational Health...

No one is saying that at all. But if she is indeed ND, then carrying around her pony might be her way of coping with things right now.
Because it is seen as childish or not appropriate, is what causes people like her to be bullied in the workplace. I know a lovely lady in her mid 20s with autism who carries a large dragon toy about on her bad days. On her good days, she has a sheep stuffie in her bag. She will get it out and hug it on the bus. She has left several jobs because people think she is acting like a kid and she gets bullied.

People have assumed ND is at play here (and of course OP would not be privy to medical information like that unless the lady told her) because they know people who act the same.

Chiming in off the back of this... if she is ND it could be weighted as well to help with emotional/sensory regulation. Hence the carrying it around constantly.

What was the feedback she got?

Yep, you can get weighted toys specifically for this. The ads have them marketed at adults.
I think OP said the horse was crocheted. Maybe someone special had made it, so it is particularly soothing or reminds her of them.

Sorry I draw the line at bringing toys into work.

It’s just weird, and attention seeking.

If she is ND and struggling, then the toy is like a crutch. Would you call someone who used a crutch to be weird or attention seeking?

Of course it’s not like a bloody crutch

It is, but not in a way you understand.

Oh come on.

If everyone acts like this then who the f are the adults in the room.

Tired of these overgrown children. Leave the stuffed animal at home, get counselling, grow as a person.

@MomsGotInk
You would be allowed your precious panda. The staff getting you ready for your op would like you to be relaxed, and if panda helps you then bring them along.
In my theatre days, we had patients your age bring a toy in. You will fall asleep holding them. When I was there, I would make sure any patient would wake up with them next to them too.
I hope your op goes well. Take your panda

A few people upthread have tried to explain transitional objects. They are literally acting like a crutch.
But if you have never needed one, or have had anyone in your life that has needed one, then you can't be expected to understand. That is ok.

Ok well you can’t be expected to understand how I can communicate with fish, because you’ve never experienced it.

Come on some things are just objectively ridiculous.